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Excuse Them for Declining Your Visit

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    Excuse Them for Declining Your Visit


    If you visit with or without an appointment and the host apologizes for not being able to receive you, accept the apology without asking for the excuse or having any ill feelings. You should understand that something might have come up, compelling them to decline your visit. Their previous plans, or the state of their house, may have made your visit inconvenient. It is perfectly reasonable for them to be excused.

    This particular etiquette is very important in order to remove any ill feelings that could linger because of declining a visit. Allah says, "If you were asked to go back, go back; that makes for greater purity." [Quran 24:28]

    Many people do not know what to do, and become disturbed by the visit of someone whom they do not want to receive under the circumstances, and many resort to lying. Not only do their children learn these bad manners, but also such behavior may lead to antipathy. The Quranic etiquette provides a better alternative to such unpleasantness and guards us against lying. It provides for the host to kindly present a reason to the visitors and asks that they accept it in good faith without hesitation.

    The famous second generation Muslim, Qatada ibn Di'ama al-Sadusi said, "Do not hang around at the door of those who declined your visit. Accept their reason, move on to attend your business, and let them attend theirs." Imam Malik used to say, "Not all people can disclose their excuses." Accordingly, when it comes to visiting, our righteous ancestors used to say to their hosts, "Perhaps you just became busy and cannot receive us," making the host feel at ease in case they wanted to be excused. Imam al-Tabari in his Tafseer reported that a man of the first generation Immigrants (Muhajirun) once said, "All my life, I wanted to practice this verses: 'If you are asked to go back, go back; that makes for greater purity,' but I could not. I was hoping I would seek permission to visit a brother and he would tell me: 'Go back!' I would gladly go back and this fulfil this commandment of Allah."

    [compiled from "Islamic Manners" by Shaykh Abdul Fattah Abu Ghudda
    (Awakening Publications, Milpitas, California, 2001), pp 38-39]

    "I put my trust in Allah, my Lord and your Lord! There is not a moving creature, but He has a grasp of its forelock. Verily, my Lord is on the straight path. (The truth)"

    "...Indeed my prayer, my sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allaah, the Lord of the worlds" (6:162)

    unfortunately less than a significant amount of muslims actually know this ayah and its meaning, let alone following the commandment.

    if we decline someone from visiting, i imagine that would spark a generations long war between the two families. *sigh*

    thanx sadia, that was really enlightning.

    [This message has been edited by cHEeGUm (edited May 31, 2002).]
    Yaad aaiy jo dard ki raat may, jis ki baat ho apni har baat may.