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    sincere advice wanted

    I have a question that i honestly would like answering from an islamic perspective, what should one do if your husband tried having an illicit relationship with your younger sister, who was a child at the time? I am really confused because my parents are telling me to forgive him, in fact my dad said because she was 7, (he was 17) it can't be classified as zina? In islam does the intention count just as much or does rape have to involve penertration?Am i justified in wanting to divorce him, if so how do i go about it? It was an arranged marriage and although my parents were upset, they still want me to stay with him (he's my first cousin).

    #2
    that is really a difficult situation.

    i would rather suggest to contact an islamic website of that school of thought that u follow.

    i have got some links and i will post them later and will try to find answer to.

    Comment


      #3
      Ibrahim says: Salaams to all

      Dear Madcat

      I would think, you would like to have a Valid and correct answer to your questions as such I suggest you take it to a qualified person at any of the web sites in the below link
      http://www.geocities.com/zcdeen/islam011.htm

      you might end up being misled, when you ask people on a public forum.

      Hope that helps

      Was salaam
      Ibrahim

      criticisms and advice is just another persons personal opinion


      Comment


        #4
        This is just my personal opinion. Please remember that as you read it.

        Since divorce is the least favored solution to marital problems, I would have to agree with your parents when they say to forgive him. As they have probably suggested, the incident is in the past and should likely be forgotten.

        Having said that, I feel compelled to point out that your husband's actions back then may be an indication of a more serious condition that should be addressed with therapy so that there is no recurrence with future children.

        Comment


          #5
          How old is your sister now and what does she have to say about all this?

          He tried something sexual at the age of 17 with a girl who was 7! I don't know whether or not that counts as zina but I do know that it coutns as child sexual abuse. It's pedaphiles who pray on children. If they were in the US and the law in the US had know about it, he would have been in jail and she would've been placed in foster care.

          I don't know whether or not you have kids but how would you feel if a 17 year old boy tried something with your 7 year old daughter??!! Would you forgive him?

          Well, whatever you decide to do...keep in mind that you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life. And if you don't have children already, you will...and this man will be their father. From the bottom of your heart, can you honestly say that you will NEVER think twice before leaving your own child alone with this man? Majority of the time when children are sexually abused, the predator is someone they knew already...usually a family member. Do you honestly believe that there aren't father's out there who molest their children?

          At the age of 17, he wasn't just a "boy"...he was a young man...yet he tried something sexual with a 7 year old CHILD. If you forgive him, and God forbid IF something ever happens to your daughter, the blame will be all yours. If you think you can live with that guilt...if you're willing to take that risk with your own children, then yes, go ahead and forgive him.

          And BTW, if you think that I'm overreacting here at all, do a search on the internet on pedaphiles and you'll find tons of reports/articles etc. about them written by psychologists, physicians, people who've worked in the legal system etc. Go through them and read what are the characteristics/warning signs of pedaphiles.

          Comment


            #6
            This is disgusting. Leave the pervert or cut his balls off. What makes you think that he would not do the same if you have kids. I am appalled at the justifications.

            Comment


              #7
              As the above have given ample personal opinions I would like to ask a few questions instead:

              1. What do you mean by tried having an illicit relationship?
              2. Has he confessed or is he accused?
              3. Where you married to him at that time?
              4. How long have you been married?
              I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
              - Robert McCloskey

              Comment


                #8
                he is a pervert.get out of the hell hole before you have kids,because this thing will haunt you until you die if you stay in this marriage.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Madcat-

                  I see big red flags but Ahmadjee is right, we don't know enough about your situation to give u a sound answer.

                  In my personal opinion, there is something wrong with a person who preys on little children, and a cousin who trusts him as a brother---it sounds too horrific to me. But we need to keep in mind, did this really occur, how did u hear of it, how old is your sis and other pertinent details.

                  If something like this had happened and I was married to that guy, the trust which is the absolute foundation of every solid marriage would not be there. There is no marriage without that foundation of trust.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by madcat:
                    I have a question that i honestly would like answering from an islamic perspective, what should one do if your husband tried having an illicit relationship with your younger sister, who was a child at the time? I am really confused because my parents are telling me to forgive him, in fact my dad said because she was 7, (he was 17) it can't be classified as zina? In islam does the intention count just as much or does rape have to involve penertration?Am i justified in wanting to divorce him, if so how do i go about it? It was an arranged marriage and although my parents were upset, they still want me to stay with him (he's my first cousin).
                    You are justified to have the divorce but you do have an option not to.

                    Comment

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