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The Wife

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    The Wife

    A lecture by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami

    By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your
    whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your
    partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments,
    your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your
    successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she
    will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can
    for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she
    will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up
    in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the
    day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her
    physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her
    heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your
    eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in
    your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her
    whole world.

    The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
    closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says:
    "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah
    2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide
    one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and
    the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the
    winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same
    level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives
    on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

    The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
    relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy
    and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses
    is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing
    of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,
    "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..."
    (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

    Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless
    Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed
    feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is
    reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings
    in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to
    His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that
    He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in
    tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts:
    verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

    But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static
    entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do
    change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might
    weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for
    granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For
    the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to
    be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

    Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found
    the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran
    him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that
    the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young
    Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is
    necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
    Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any
    emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam
    said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure
    of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" Never
    underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in
    your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the
    Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to
    assist her up to ride the camel.

    Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening
    the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee
    that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having
    peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace
    at home. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad
    tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet
    Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to
    wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

    Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to
    her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time
    with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu aliahi wa'sallaam
    said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

    Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until
    death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but
    not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what
    she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved
    ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents
    coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your
    parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said,
    "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until
    death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life
    after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined
    by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

    The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam
    whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those
    she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many
    years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was
    slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family
    and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be
    Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala.

    "I put my trust in Allah, my Lord and your Lord! There is not a moving creature, but He has a grasp of its forelock. Verily, my Lord is on the straight path. (The truth)"

    "...Indeed my prayer, my sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allaah, the Lord of the worlds" (6:162)

    Very nice, I agree with almost everything, except sometimes it isn't so easy to love your spouses relatives. Sometimes they go out of their way to make problems.


    Hope for the best, prepare for the worst!!!



      do you HAVE to get married, Islamically?

      I want religous proof to back up claims that u do have to
      I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.


        Originally posted by Sadiaa:
        A lecture by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami

        Remember that
        the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young
        Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances.

        The holy prophet (pbuh) going to watch folk dances....I doubt that very much - though it has been mentioned in hadiths.


          Gandalf, dance is a form of art -- there's nothing vulgar if you treat it as an art form...i'm sure that if the prophet did indeed see folk dances, they were not anything close to heera mandi mujras.
          I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.



            I'm not convinced. The holy prophet (pbuh) listening to music and dance of Ethopians - were they muslim - and there to taking his wife along. The heart does not accept this and neither does the mind.

            Btw, as much as it is a great sawab to take care of one's wife, the darjah of taking care of one's parents is far greater. The holy prophet (pbuh) has stressed time and again about the importance of taking care of one's parents.

            Anything that you do for your parents, especially your mother, is nothing compared to what she has done for you.

            You can never repay your parents. Therein lies their greatness. Taking care of them is a shield against the fires of hell.

            Though your relationship from your wife can end (by divorce), your relationship with your parents is ever-lasting. So much so that their missed prayers becomes an obligation on the eldest progeny to perform on their behalf after their death.

            A Wizard arrives neither early nor late, but precisely when he chooses to

            [This message has been edited by Gandalf (edited May 22, 2002).]


              Gandalf, im in no position to evaluate the authencity of the ethiopian dance deal, but even if it were true....i think our sexist maulanas would have hid it, or waved it off as a lie.
              I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.


                Originally posted by Gandalf:
                The holy prophet (pbuh) going to watch folk dances....I doubt that very much - though it has been mentioned in hadiths.
                Would you have accepted it had it been in Usool-e-Kafi ??