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According to islam, what is the proper way to find a spouse

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    According to islam, what is the proper way to find a spouse

    According to my knowledge of islamic teachings, na-mehram men and women are discouraged from unnecessary interaction (talking, seeing each other, courtship, dating etc) with each other.

    I also remember that a man and a woman are allowed to talk to each other (in the presence of a chaperone) if both of them intend to marry.

    So, what is the proper way for them to find a spouse and get married. How would a man, find the right girl for him if he is not even looking at girls?

    Is the only way to find a spouse is through elders in the family (I don't think so)?

    What are the rules of engagement?

    On what topics can a man and woman talk with each other before they get married?

    Thanks in advance for your responses.

    #2
    Aint it a bit late for you buddy boy!

    Comment


      #3
      If you don't know the answer, thats ok too.

      Comment


        #4
        how can a man woman get married without talking to eachother.. surely they can talk but within limits..

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Pristine:
          According to my knowledge of islamic teachings, na-mehram men and women are discouraged from unnecessary interaction (talking, seeing each other, courtship, dating etc) with each other.

          I also remember that a man and a woman are allowed to talk to each other (in the presence of a chaperone) if both of them intend to marry.

          So, what is the proper way for them to find a spouse and get married. How would a man, find the right girl for him if he is not even looking at girls?

          Is the only way to find a spouse is through elders in the family (I don't think so)?

          What are the rules of engagement?

          On what topics can a man and woman talk with each other before they get married?

          Thanks in advance for your responses.
          Salaamz

          thing is we all live in a society (even though it is not islamic) we work,interact, communicate with people and naturally peopl have falling for the opposiet sex...nothing wrong with having feelings, as long as these are satisfied on the basis of islam i.e marraige.....

          thing is if a guy liked a gal or was intrested he cud go to his family and ask her dad or bro or ask his own sister to talk to her etc and if the gal felt the same way they wud be allwoed to chat to find out abt each other but not on their own(more than 3 pppl present) and only if the gal got permission from her wali(i.e dad,bro )...

          ..this is not the only way theres loads of halal ways a person cud think of1


          with regards to what topics, like u mentioned they are ONLY allwoed to talk if both are intrested abt marriage... as long as u aint chattin abt haram things, ur alowed to find abt other person like's and dislikes, their life history, etc

          and plus if sum1 is serious intrested abt marryying a gal he is allowed to look at her

          [BUT of course 2day is a messed up world,so if u went to up sum1's family and told them that u liked their daughter they startin chasing u!nah this dont mean dating is allowed dont go gettin any wrong ides]


          [This message has been edited by clubber lang (edited May 11, 2002).]

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Muni:
            Aint it a bit late for you buddy boy!
            Hi Darling

            Comment


              #7
              Ok lets see if i can just summarize

              First if a guy is interested he goes to her wali, and he should ask him for her. This means they are intended now no other brother can ask for her until she has refused this brother. Anyways after that if the wali and the girl agree, then this is an engagment it's just a verbal agreement. Now the brother and sister can get to know each other. Your mahram being present doesn't mean he's sitting right beside you all the time, he can be in the same room somewhere else. hmmm...i'm going to double check, but i think you can write letters and talk on the phone, ONLY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU BOTH ARE SERIOUS, AND GOING TO GET MARRIED SOON! Islamically the engagment period should be short.

              Then you have the nikah, hopefully everyone knows what that is. A virgin girl doesn't even have to be present at her nikah, her wali can present her. And then you have the walimah to announce the marriage to the community.

              If i have made any mistakes, please correct me, and May Allah(swt) forgive me. He knows best.



              ------------------
              The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
              "Whoever sets out on a path to seek knowledge, Allaah will make easy his path to Paradise."
              [Saheeh Muslim]

              Comment


                #8


                [This message has been edited by appkiamaanat (edited May 12, 2002).]

                Comment


                  #9
                  Here is a perfect example for us

                  The Wedding of Fatima (r)

                  Fatimah (Radhiallaahu 聲ha) was the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam). Out of all the children, he was the most beloved to him. He said, 'The Queen of the ladies in Jannat is Faatimah.' He also said, 'Faatimah is part of my body. Whoever grieves her, grieves me.'
                  When Faatimah (Radhiallaahu 聲ha) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) remained irresponsive.

                  Ali (Radhiallaahu 聲hu), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Faatima (Radhiyallaahu Anha). The Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) was extremely pleased and asked, '翼i! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.'

                  The Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.'

                  So, 翼i (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam). Bilaal (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) was ordered by the Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu 聲hum).

                  When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (Radhiallaahu 聲ha) in marriage to 翼i (Radhiallaahu 聲hu). He announced, 'Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to 翼i for 400 Mithqaal of silver and 翼i has accepted.' He then raised his head and made Du saying, 'O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.' after the Nikaah, dates were distributed.

                  When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu 聲ha) to go to 翼i's (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompanied Umm Ayman (Radhiallaahu 聲hu). After the 仨sha Salaat, the Prophet (Sallallaahu 翼ayhi Wasallam) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both 翼i (Radhiallaahu 聲hu) and Faatimah (Radhiallaahu 聲ha) and made Du for them.

                  The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher.

                  In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised. In following this Sunnah method, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill.






                  ------------------
                  The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
                  "Whoever sets out on a path to seek knowledge, Allaah will make easy his path to Paradise."
                  [Saheeh Muslim]

                  Comment


                    #10
                    well i dont know abt the part of no other brother asking her hand in marraige, i mean its only asking, so what if sum1 else has proposed, no harm in another person asking rgt????

                    oh yea ur allowed to write and phone only if a both gal and guy are SEROIULY intrested in marraige and keep to the topic at hand....

                    [This message has been edited by clubber lang (edited May 11, 2002).]

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Pristine:
                      According to my knowledge of islamic teachings, na-mehram men and women are discouraged from unnecessary interaction (talking, seeing each other, courtship, dating etc) with each other.

                      Is that unnecessary interaction? I don't think so.

                      Also, men and women are discouraged from being toghether alone but they can always talk to each other in a public place.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by clubber lang:
                        well i dont know abt the part of no other brother asking her hand in marraige, i mean its only asking, so what if sum1 else has proposed, no harm in another person asking rgt????

                        oh yea ur allowed to write and phone only if a both gal and guy are SEROIULY intrested in marraige and keep to the topic at hand....

                        [This message has been edited by clubber lang (edited May 11, 2002).]
                        Abu Hurayrah(ra) reported that Allah's messenger (saws)said: 'Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the worstof false tales. Do not spy, do not look for the faults, do not oppose each other, do not envy one another, do not hate one another, do not desert each other and O Servents of Allah, be true brothers. Let not a man court a woman whom his brother is courting, he should wait until he marries or leaves her.

                        Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim and others

                        Uqbah Bin 'Amir(ra) reported that Allah's Messenger(saws) said:' A believer is a brother to anotherbeliever. It is not permissible for a believer to negotiate a deal that his brother is negotiating, nor propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing- until he leaves.'

                        Recorded by Muslim


                        Abu Hurayrah(ra) reported that Allah's messenger (saws)said: 'Let not any of you propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing. He should wait until he marries or quits.'

                        Recorded by an-Nasa'i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa'ul-Ghalil no. 1817 and as-Sahihah no. 1030)


                        There are many more hadiths and information on this topic, my source is 'The Quest for Love and Mercy' by Muhammad al-Jibaly from Al-Kitaab & as-Sunnah Publishing.

                        Allah(swt) knows best.




                        ------------------
                        The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
                        "Whoever sets out on a path to seek knowledge, Allaah will make easy his path to Paradise."
                        [Saheeh Muslim]

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Salaam,

                          Here are some links that discuss Islamic marriages- how to find a spouse, what to look for etc.

                          6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse:
                          An Islamic Perspective http://www.soundvision.com/Info/Islam/mar.6adab.asp

                          Selecting a Marriage Partner http://www.soundvision.com/info/Isla....selecting.asp
                          http://www.soundvision.com/Info/weddings/



                          ------------------
                          "Allah extends His Hand at night so that He can forgive the sinner of the day; He extends His Hand in the day so that He can forgive the sinner of the night. He will continue to do so until the sun rises from the West (the Day of Judgment)"

                          [Related by Imam Muslim]

                          22.1 . O mankind! Fear your Lord . Lo! the earthquake of the Hour ( of Doom ) is a tremendous thing .

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I want to say thanks to all of you :0 i did learned quite alot from this thread.
                            Life became all Gray! But NOW i have decided to paint it all over again.

                            I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat

                            Comment


                              #15
                              appki,

                              I have the following questions on the story you narrated of Hazrat Fatima (ra)
                              • 1. Where was the story taken from? Any source?

                                2. Did AnHazoor (saw) ask Hazrat Fatima (ra) at all?! From the way you narrated it, it seems like it happened the very day Hazrat Ali (ra) asked for her hand. True?


                              [This message has been edited by ahmadjee (edited May 12, 2002).]
                              I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
                              - Robert McCloskey

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