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The Ideal Muslim Husband

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    The Ideal Muslim Husband

    Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi

    Shaykh Saleh Al-Munajjid answered in response to a Muslim sister seeking advice about a husband:

    We appreciate your eagerness to find out the attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allaah. There follows a description of the most important qualities which should be present in the man whom you choose or accept to be your husband and the father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you will have children.

    1. Religious Commitment

    This is the most important thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says:

    “And verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    “Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

    “Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26]

    The Prophet (sallallaaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:

    “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

    2. As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed on to his children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says:

    “And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord” [al-Kahf 18:82].

    See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents.

    3. It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (salawaatullaahi wa salaamuhu 'alaih) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…” (Narrated by Muslim, 1480).

    It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man.

    4. It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.

    5. It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.

    6. It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah ; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare.

    7. It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.

    According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.

    Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.

    -------------
    "No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."


    #2
    What double Standards!

    Now where is the "good looks " part? Why is it that Women's beauty is taken into account and women aren't advised to choose 'a mate pleasing to the eyes'?

    I say that both men and women should look at the same qualities. these ppl!

    Comment


      #3
      Salaam

      What the Shaikh has mentioned here are the ideal attributes a Muslim woman should look for in a Muslim man. However, this is not absolute and does not mean that she should not additionally look for something else, such as good looks if this is from her personal preferences.

      The Shaikh highlighted the most important points for a successful marriage. As for beauty, it can so often be short-lived if there are other qualities missing in the formula for a happy marriage. This implies to both men and women. It is therefore advised by the scholars to attach ones priorities to other characteristics while searching for a future spouse.

      Nevertheless, there does need to be a degree of attraction between the two people looking to spend the rest of their lives together. And this is an important factor.

      ... and Allaah knows best.

      &peace

      -----------------
      "No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

      [This message has been edited by Hasnain (edited March 04, 2002).]

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Hasnain:
        5. It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.
        Sterile? How???? :totally confused:

        If a person is already married, yes, we'll know if he is sterile or not... but how do we find out about sterility for an unmarried guy?

        Comment


          #5
          Hasnain,

          what does ur good Sheikh say about choosing women as wives?

          i am waiting for ur answer.

          Comment


            #6
            I second that. I want to know what the criteria is for choosing women so we can compare and have a good discussion on the differences.

            I've heard numerous men here at gupshup say that 'A man is allowed to marry a woman for 4 reasons- Beauty, Wealth, Social Status, and Din.

            [This message has been edited by Muni (edited March 05, 2002).]

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Hasnain:

              1. Religious Commitment
              2. a good family and a known lineage.3. sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything,

              4. kind and gentle towards women
              5. sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.

              6. It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah ;

              7. It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage,

              Criteria for Men to choose Wives by Muhammad al-jibaly, from "Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islaam"

              1.Righteousness- Same as Hasnain's
              2.Good Character - hmmm, this could be encompassed under 1. A true righteous person would have good character.
              3. Virginity- OH! Don't see that in Hasnain's list.
              4.Ability to bear children- Like #5, healthy and not sterile...
              5.Loving Attitude - Like #4

              6.Contentment-Now this one is interesting. Lemme quote the book. "An important quality to be sought in a wife is contentment. A dissatisfied wife would make her husband miserable and push him to do anything to please her. Then it quotes the Prophet (SAW) "Marry virgins! They have sweeter mouths, more fertile wombs, and are more satisfiable with little"

              I fail to see the connection that a virgin would be more content. I don't get it, will someone please explain?

              7.Naivety- This one is missing
              8.Beauty- This one is missing!
              9.Compatibility- This is also missing!

              Here you go freemind.

              Comment


                #8
                How about just a nice guy who is willing to listen and not talk, to walk endlessly from store to store in the shopping malls, to conform to her sense of style and decorm, and compramise when all else fails.
                Good luck finding that...LOL

                Comment


                  #9
                  Salaam

                  Mj,

                  originally posted by MJ:
                  Sterile? How???? :totally confused:

                  If a person is already married, yes, we'll know if he is sterile or not... but how do we find out about sterility for an unmarried guy?
                  What's with all the question marks? You've more or less answered your own question my friend. The attributes covered above are general and therefore relate to all men, including the married, divorced and widowed etc. This particular point refers to the latter three.

                  FreeMind,

                  Originally posted by FreeMind:
                  Hasnain,
                  what does ur good Sheikh say about choosing women as wives?

                  i am waiting for ur answer.
                  I do not know what Shaikh Munajjid says with respect to choosing a wife. i'm sure he has said something, but i have not come across it as of yet. If i do so, i shall send it your way Insha'Allaah.

                  However, from an Islamic perspective, the same would apply for the man (except possibly #3) while searching for a spouse.

                  Shaikh Muhammad al-Jibaly's book mentioned below by Muni is also a good reference for this topic.

                  ---------------
                  "No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Salaam sister Muni,

                    Yes, there is a hadeeth of the Prophet – salallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam – where he mentioned that the man looks for 4 things in a woman: her beauty; her wealth; her lineage; and her Deen, and let her Deen be the most important factor.

                    We need to remember that when the scholars (who adhere to the Qur’aan and the Sunnah) advise or make rulings on certain issues based upon their understanding of the Qur’aan and the Sunnah according to the companions and the shar’iah, then we should not merely brush this aside as insignificant. No doubt there will be some differences to what they give priority, and this is a matter of opinion. However, they shall always give priority to those factors that Islaam has ordered or recommended if they are from the scholars of the Qur’aan and the Sunnah Insha’allaah.

                    So based on the hadeeth of the Prophet – salallhu alayhi wa sallam – the man should attach priority to Religion (including Islamic characteristics) while looking for a wife. After that, it depends on personal preferences, although the scholars have outlined some of the other important factors that perhaps also should be taken into consideration for a “successful marriage.” These factors have been judged according to their understanding of other related ahadeeth, narrations of the companions and the pious predecessors, and experience and signs throughout the ages. The Muslim woman has also been advised to look for similar characteristics while searching for a spouse. If there are differences between the two genders while searching for a partner, then this is reflected in the differences between the natural inclinations and attributes of the man and the woman in their roles as husband and wife.

                    Thus in a nutshell, it is important for both man and woman to be able to fulfil their roles as husband and wife respectively, to the best of their ability and at the same time be successful parents where the children will be raised according to an Islaamic upbringing and educated according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah. And these are the characteristics and attributes that the shaikhaan, Munajjid and Jibaley have given precedence to. Many other scholars have advised the same.

                    ... and Allaah knows best.

                    --------------
                    "No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Still think that there are double standards.

                      Salaam Br. Hasain-
                      Thanks for addressing the issue...

                      Comment

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