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    Islam and marriage

    I have a question about this issue that I hope someone may provide clarification upon. We know that marriage is strongly encouraged in Islam. A close Muslim person I know with whom I was having this discussion was arguing that, according to Islam, it is a serious sin to refuse a "very good" marriage proposal - her argument is that these are Blessings from God and to reject them signifies showing your ingratitude. I realize marriage is strongly encouraged in Islam - what I don't believe Islam endorses is that any "excellent" rishta should be accepted just on the basis that it is "excellent"; isn't rejection allowed for particular reasons, say such as academic-related issues? That doesn't mean never getting married at all - all it means is waiting until the 'right' time. I also tried to argue with her that Islam dictates that seeking knowledge is compulsory upon both females and males.

    If anyone can provide some insight into this, I would really appreciate it. I would please request that if anyone replies, their answer be restricted to what Islam dictates not societal/cultural norms. Thanks in advance.

    #2
    Nadia_H,

    What I know about Islam and Marriage is that we all are to marry some one in our life. The answer to your question is that what we need to look at is that Girl should be married to slightly higher level house. Meaning poor man's daughter should go to a slightly richer man's house. In the same way, you as a girl has equal right of accepting or rejecting rishta as a boy.

    Comment


      #3
      Mbmagsi, many thanks for your reply. (Actually it's not for myself, it's just a general question I have). Just curious - what is the reasoning for preferring the marriage of a poorer girl into a slightly wealthier home?

      Comment


        #4
        There is no QURAN rule of "poor girl should be married to 'slightly richer' family". These are ulema's guidelines to avoid problems like "inferiority" or other social problems.

        mbmagsi: Can you show any hadeeth regarding this?

        ------------------
        We oughta be Changez like, don't we?

        Comment


          #5
          Very right bros. Changez.

          Nadia_H: I cant understand the point of this discuss. Your friend says if you get an "excellent" ristha you should agree.
          But who are WE to judge?!
          Who knows if it is an "excellent" and even if it is, who knows what will happen in future?! Might everything changes?

          So leave it to ALLAH (swt) coz our fate is in his hands. Yeah you have the right to influence it. But just a little

          ------------------
          "kaisay na karta usko main pyar, uski haseen main sukh thay hazaar, bichar gayay hum dukh ki hay baat"
          Ain't new ta this....HOMEINVASION('93)

          Comment


            #6
            Although in such a situation the rejection of a proposal may seem wrong in the eyes of many, its not. Islam doesn't allow forcing marriage upon people, whatever the reason. And though the rejection may seem rude, ungrateful,etc. to some, thats besides the point. If either of the individuals concerned doesn't feel they are ready, or feel comfortable with the choice then they should be free to state so, because ultimately its them that have to live with the decision. Rejecting a proposal isn't a sin.

            But its a great sin to prohibit that which is halal, and permit that which is haram.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Nadia_H:
              A close Muslim person I know with whom I was having this discussion was arguing that, according to Islam, it is a serious sin to refuse a "very good" marriage proposal - her argument is that these are Blessings from God and to reject them signifies showing your ingratitude. I realize marriage is strongly encouraged in Islam - what I don't believe Islam endorses is that any "excellent" rishta should be accepted just on the basis that it is "excellent"; isn't rejection allowed for particular reasons, say such as academic-related issues? That doesn't mean never getting married at all - all it means is waiting until the 'right' time.
              What if this 'excellent' rishtai s willing to accomodate the 'academic-related issues'? I think that's the solution

              Look the point is that Islam does not look favourably upon rejecting excellent rishtas. However it is not strict rule. You can say, it's a rule of thumb. I don't think there is anything woring with rejecting a proposal on the basis of waiting for the right time.

              That excellent proposals shouldn't be rejected is a guideline and not a cast-iron rule. So, so long as you have a good reason for rejecting a good rishta I think you are not doing anything wrong Islamically.
              If you do it without any good reason than you are probably not right.

              The wisdom of the guideline is however obvious, Islam our religion is a complete way of life and provides us with excellent guidelines in all walks of life. It is upto us to follow them as best as we can.
              In the particular case you mentioned, academic concerns are probably a good enough reason to decide to wait...

              But I think it also does well to remember when considering the question, that our own wisdom is limited and that decisions that are made based on Allah's guidlines are probably the best in the end.

              Comment


                #8
                I was going to write my two-cents here but by the time I get to it ... GFQ already told you what I was going to say!
                I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
                - Robert McCloskey

                Comment


                  #9
                  Thank you Changez, Ali_R, GfQ, Ahmed, and Ahmadjee for your replies... much much appreciated.

                  But who are WE to judge?!
                  Who knows if it is an "excellent" and even if it is, who knows what will happen in future?! Might everything changes?
                  So leave it to ALLAH (swt) coz our fate is in his hands.

                  Ali_R, I agree.
                  Ultimately of course no one can control which direction their lives are going to go in.

                  What if this 'excellent' rishtai s willing to accomodate the 'academic-related issues'? I think that's the solution
                  hmm... yes ideally perhaps, Ahmed. Although of course I know there must be people who are doing it, I personally don't know anyone who has got married and has continued with her studies on a full-time basis; I suppose it comes down to the individual's personality and habits.

                  But I think it also does well to remember when considering the question, that our own wisdom is limited and that decisions that are made based on Allah's guidlines are probably the best in the end.
                  Exactly - which fits into what Ali_R stated earlier... who is to ultimately decide whether or not a rishta is "excellent" or "poor"?
                  I think what frustrates me is how Pakistani culture pushes people into marriage so prematurely. As GfQ stated, Islam doesn't allow forcing anyone into marriage. I'm not an expert about all this, but I would tend to agree with Ali_R. I suppose the best thing to do is pray for guidance and have iman in God regardless of whatever occurs.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Islam and marriage

                    Instead of finding answer of that question in Islam, I think we should realize that what we do when we have desire of something excellent and luckily we find the opportunity to avail it as well? Obviously we try our best to avail the so called excellent opportunity. Same is the case here. If you think the proposal is excellent and there is no good reason to reject it then go ahead and leave everything on Allah (SWT). If, on the other hand, there is a reason behind the rejection of the proposal then women are allowed to reject such proposals.

                    Holy Qura`n Says:
                    Surah: 4 An -Nisa (Women) Aya: 19

                    O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.



                    its my personal understanding, Allah (SWT) knows better.
                    Argument wins the situation, but looses the Person, so never argue with your loved ones ... because situation is not important than your loved ones ...

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