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The Etiquette of Engagement

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    The Etiquette of Engagement

    http://knowledge.zt7.com/


    It is encouraged prior to the proposal, that the man sees of the intended woman that which will encourage him to marry her Jabir ibn Abdullah (RA) said concerning his wife:

    "(Before marrying her) I used to hide behind a tree to see her."

    The Prophet (SAW) said:

    "When one of you intends to marry a woman, if he is able to look at what would induce him to marry her, he should do so." (Related by Abu Dawud)

    There are however rules concerning seeing the woman, that they both should respect:

    * The man’s intention of marriage should be sincere. He should not seek to see the woman, until he is satisfied about her other attributes such as her religion, morality and character, in such a way that he is inclined to marry her, and looking at her is for him the last step toward this decision.

    * He should first send a woman from his family, who he trusts, to see the woman he intends to marry and describe her to him.

    * The woman’s wali should not allow the man proposing to her, to look at the woman unless he is completely satisfied about him.

    * The woman’s wali should not hide from the proposing man any defects he knows about the woman.

    * The man is allowed to see the face and the hands of the woman he intends to marry. If he wants specific information about her physical appearance, he may send one of his Mahram woman to inquire about it, and describe it to him. There is no sin on him to look intently at her to confirm his desire to marry her.

    * He does not have to ask her permission to look at her, but it is better that he does it without her knowledge if he can. This way, if for any reason, he changes his mind, this will not hurt her feelings.

    * When the man and the woman accept to marry each other and become fiancee, this does not change their position with respect to each other. They are still considered strangers (non-Mahram) to each other and what is unlawful to the non-Mahram is unlawful to them. This especially concerns: looking at each other, being alone together, going out together. Their relation to each other changes when, and only when the marriage contract is consummated.

    22.1 . O mankind! Fear your Lord . Lo! the earthquake of the Hour ( of Doom ) is a tremendous thing .

    #2
    Interesting. So this is the technically correct and prescribed way of finding a wife in Islam. Very interesting.

    I wonder how many of the guppies (I am not talking about muslims in general or Pakistanis, I am talking about gupshup members who read this) do care or will care about these rulings when their time comes.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Peacemaker:
      I wonder how many of the guppies (I am not talking about muslims in general or Pakistanis, I am talking about gupshup members who read this) do care or will care about these rulings when their time comes.
      I know u asked the question from everyone but if we talk about Muslims and Pakistanis in general then only ppl who woud stick to these rulings are the people who knows it is not right and care about it-depends on the family and family rules. Also people who still (in today's modernized world) live their life according to what is right or wrong in Islam because alot of ppl now know it but just don't seem to care. I mean now we have became so modernized even in Pakistan that once you get engaged, then even the strict families allows them to go out, meet in person and talk on the phone and if someone objects they would say oh they are engaged, he/she is her fience and it is good that they get to know each other real well before the marriage. So all depends on the family upbringings.

      As for my family, my sister got a proposel and both the families didn't want to rush as she is still studying so they took time for one year but rather then doing engagement for now they decided upon doing Nikkah as according to my mother Mangni has no hasiyat, sharai or mashai.

      Any ways that was good information that she posted thanx a bunch

      Comment


        #4
        I agree with Paki khans. After the engagement, not a lot of people follow the Islamic restrictions.

        Communication is allowed between both parties..ie with 3rd party involvement. And if you talk over the phone, I guess it would be okay as long as you stuck to discussions of matter..ie religion.

        ------------------
        Surah 2 Verse 201: "And there are some who say Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the punishment of the fire."
        22.1 . O mankind! Fear your Lord . Lo! the earthquake of the Hour ( of Doom ) is a tremendous thing .

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Hinna:


          Communication is allowed between both parties..ie with 3rd party involvement. And if you talk over the phone, I guess it would be okay as long as you stuck to discussions of matter..ie religion.

          Thnkx for sharing !!! LOL i dont think ne one would be discussing religion over the fone unless its one of those speaker fones and with the 3rd party around

          Comment


            #6
            Why wouldn't people discuss religion?? It's the basis of life. I can definitely see a man and his fiance discussing religious obligations that both parties have towards each other and their families. For example, obedience.

            22.1 . O mankind! Fear your Lord . Lo! the earthquake of the Hour ( of Doom ) is a tremendous thing .

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Hinna:
              Why wouldn't people discuss religion?? It's the basis of life. I can definitely see a man and his fiance discussing religious obligations that both parties have towards each other and their families. For example, obedience.

              nah, but thats not whats usually done.. and dont ask me why..

              anyway, what i wanted to know was, is it okay to.. lets say talk about each other.. u know.. umm, just like.. interests, how was ur day, ghar waley kaisey hain.. stuff like that?

              [This message has been edited by ammarr (edited June 07, 2001).]

              Comment


                #8
                ammarr..hate to say it..but I disagree because I've seen it..heard about it...etc

                as for your question, well I'm sure its fine to talk about those things if there's a third party..

                ------------------
                Surah 2 Verse 201: "And there are some who say Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the punishment of the fire."
                22.1 . O mankind! Fear your Lord . Lo! the earthquake of the Hour ( of Doom ) is a tremendous thing .

                Comment

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