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Does she have to obey her husband’s mother?

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    Does she have to obey her husband’s mother?

    Question :


    his parents are constantly interfering with our lives. His mother specifically and his sister. He is a grown man and he has no independence , not even a slight bit. Please tell me what rights does his mother or sister have over me? She told me she has more right over me now and my parents have none. And I need to take her permission to something or go somewhere. I know I need to take my husbands permission and I do that. But I dont think she has a right to tell me how I should run my household. Please clarify this issue for me?

    Answer :

    Praise be to Allaah.

    With regard to the rights of your husbands mother and sisters, they have the right to be treated kindly, you should keep in touch with them and treat them kindly as much as possible.

    But with regard to your mother-in-laws claims that you have to seek her approval in all matters, this is not correct, and none of the scholars has said that this is one of the rights that a husband has over his wife. Rather your duties are those which have been mentioned (by the scholars), namely obeying your husband and seeking his approval, so long as he does not tell you to commit a sin. That does not mean that you should not benefit from your mother-in-laws experience or her advice if it is useful. And if you are patient in putting up with some of her difficult behaviour in order to honour your husband, that is a good deed for which you will be rewarded in sha Allaah. But as for her saying that your family have no rights over you, this is not correct, rather they still have the rights of upholding ties with them, honouring them, treating them kindly and visiting them from time to time, especially your parents. Their rights come after your husbands rights over you.

    We ask Allaah to open your hearts to one another and to grant you wisdom.



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    #2
    Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

    ::::::sigh::::: I wish ppl wud understand this... it's not bad to live with in-laws or take care of em, but to say that its necessary to do so isn't right...
    The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

      Now that many pakistani muslims are educated about this - what are the reasons for hanging on to the insistence that a wife live with her in-laws. I mean, we can't very well say it's Islamic if we know it's not - so basically now what's the excuse men give.

      Note - I think that we are absolutely responsible for taking in our aged parents who are not in good health and taking care of them. But there is a big difference between living in a joint family situation, and your parents moving in when they are elderly and actually NEED care, not when they are 45 and have decided that they are ancient.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

        Can't put two women (daughter in-law & mother in-law) under one roof and expect everything to work out well.

        Wife has the right to demand her husband a separate residence, which he should provide her with within his means.

        btw... Jazakillahu khairan for sharing.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

          Originally posted by amana
          Now that many pakistani muslims are educated about this - what are the reasons for hanging on to the insistence that a wife live with her in-laws. I mean, we can't very well say it's Islamic if we know it's not - so basically now what's the excuse men give.

          Note - I think that we are absolutely responsible for taking in our aged parents who are not in good health and taking care of them. But there is a big difference between living in a joint family situation, and your parents moving in when they are elderly and actually NEED care, not when they are 45 and have decided that they are ancient.
          in many cases couples may complain about having to live with their parents, but the choice is always theirs, they can be in their own place close-by. They may have family pressure but succumbing to it shows their lack of backbone. Now maybe its financial i.e. they cant afford to live on their own, in which case they are takign advantage of accomodations and all at the parents place, or in some cases they need to support the whole household and moving out would mean they could contribute less to the household as their own expenses would increase.

          so there are many scenarios, now if it is a matter of obligations, or financials whether it is in self interest or due to commitments to the family, people can handle it.
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

            ^Thanks - we still hear the "it's haraam to live alone" quite a bit, but honestly, I can't imagine living with 14 kids and 6 adults under the same roof

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

              ^ haram to live alone when you're married to one another? I've never heard of anything like that.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                haraam not to live in the joint family

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                  ^ that's not haraam. parents just don't want to let go of their kids so they say it's haraam.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                    Originally posted by Sadiyah
                    Can't put two women (daughter in-law & mother in-law) under one roof and expect everything to work out well.

                    Wife has the right to demand her husband a separate residence, which he should provide her with within his means.
                    The wife could have demanded that before marriage. And if she has that right, y can't a man demand his wife to provide him separate residence?

                    If a woman is not working in a relationship, then she should shut her pie hole, and let her man do whetver he can. If she wants more, she better get het lazy ass move, and start working. Buy a house or palace, and mover her husband.

                    I am sick and tired of lazy assez women demanding this and that.
                    Compulsory course for fundos: Gitmo Diversity training

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                      Originally posted by amana
                      Now that many pakistani muslims are educated about this - what are the reasons for hanging on to the insistence that a wife live with her in-laws. I mean, we can't very well say it's Islamic if we know it's not - so basically now what's the excuse men give.
                      Excuses:

                      1. Poor parents may get sick, they need assistance
                      2. The husband does not earn enough to provide separate residence for both parents and his family.

                      It is not islamic or unislamic, it is just social need. Parents can't be thrown to old homes and then trahsed. Again, if a woman has problems with this setup, she should refuse to get marriaed in the first place. Why marry first, and then biatch all the time???
                      Compulsory course for fundos: Gitmo Diversity training

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                        lostsoul, just in case you didn't know Islamically it's not a wife's job to be providing for residence. It's the husband's job.

                        If he is so reluctant to get her a separate place, then he shouldn't get married.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                          The sad thing about all this is that all these girls raising voice here will do exactly the same thing they despise now once they will become mother-in-laws.

                          It is appalling to see, females doing exactly the same things they despise at other times, WITHOUT even realising their own behaviours.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Does she have to obey her husband’s mother?

                            Does she have to obey her husband’s mother?

                            No.

                            However , depending on the situation it is best to resolve the situation with her in laws without making her hubby choose sides. I have a dislike for situations which require one to choose between two people they love esp where marriage is concerned. Anyway we do not know who is at fault and who is not, so only the people involved in the situation can come up with a resolution for the conflict.
                            "Today in heaven they opened up a new chest dedicated to charity. It's name ?"

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Does she have to obey her husbands mother?

                              Originally posted by Sadiyah
                              lostsoul, just in case you didn't know Islamically it's not a wife's job to be providing for residence. It's the husband's job.

                              If he is so reluctant to get her a separate place, then he shouldn't get married.
                              A man's job is to feed his wife. Thats all.

                              Tomorrow, u may demand diamond necklace as ur islamic right. If a woman has to move in with man after marriage, she should think about all such cases beforehand. No one is holding a pistol on her head to marry the man. If she does not like the arrangement, just refuse it.

                              The point is very simple: Two parents who have invested a lot on a boy, have much much bigger rights than a strange woman who is coming to the family. These parents can not be trashed away. A woman must understand it, and if not, then provoide for house and accomodations herself.
                              Compulsory course for fundos: Gitmo Diversity training

                              Comment

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