Those who lost job or suffered some public financial loss such as foreclosure, etc. Did it worsened the attitude of your friends toward you? How did you cope with the worsened attitudes?
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At one time I lost millions, best thing that ever happened to me -
And if you worry about the attitude of friends than you need to re-evaluate your prioritiesComment
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What do you mean by worsened attitude? If some of your friends failed to help you, I understand that can be hurtful especially if you have helped them out in their times of need. But I feel that when your friends snub or ignore or dismiss or insult you or exclude you from events because you have suffered a financial setback, that is far worse than failing to help you.........and I wouldn't consider those persons as friends. I would maintain a polite/civil equation with them but I wouldn't be so "chummy" with them anymore. For example, I would stop confiding in them or depending on them for emotional support. I would also stop actively seeking them out for socialization and would occupy that time either with company of more sincere friends and family members, or with some constructive activity that promotes your development (either physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually especially). I would not be as emotionally vested in them. IF.....let's say.....that you decide help these "so-called friends" in any way then do it from a humble mindset and not one of arrogance/contempt and do so with the self-reminder that they are Allah k banday just as you are (even if they have hurt you) and do it for the sake of Allah and expect your reward only from Him. Detach your heart from them to the point that you expect neither gratitude nor appreciation nor respect nor loyalty from them.Comment
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Hmmm...interesting! Perhaps you meant to say that the lessons you learned due to the loss couldn’t have been learned any other way. So that learning was the best thing that happened to you rather than the loss itself. Because if the loss in itself was the best thing to have ever happened to you, you’d be wishing and striving for it to happen again and again.Originally posted by Bobby1 View PostComment
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Thats unfortunate but interesting. Atleast you get to know they were not your "friends" but a mere acquaintance.Originally posted by JourneyMan View Post
As they say, what doesnt kill you make you stronger. You can bounce back and once you do, never go back to those "friends"
I know someone who all his life kept giving money to his pals but then the life hit him back and he got into serious money troubles. All those who he had been helping him went far at a unrecognizable distance. So yea sh!t happens but lessons learnt are more importnat.Attitude is more important than facts.
"Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"Comment
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JourneyMan i was getting lazy, unmotivated, full of myself, kids were getting lazy I was getting fat and relationships were suffering, life is might motivation, if I get wealthy again I would not lose sight of what is important and that is health and family and will keep focus on gratitude. If your money is the only thing people appreciate you for than that is not a good lifeComment
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That is one way of living life, if it rocks someone’s boat.Originally posted by Bobby1 View PostComment
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Good points, thanks !Originally posted by redvelvet View Post
Have you ever been inside a grave? Me neither, but I’ve experienced something close. I would message some friends, who were with me all the time while the good times lasted, and they won’t even read my message, let alone reply. And the messages would be just a greeting like “Ramzan mubarak”, “Eid mubarak”, or “Happy birthday”, nothing more. Some would not sit/stand near me as if Lakhsmi maata will get offended. Others would cross-paths with me, and act like I’m an invisible ghost they didn’t see. Last but not the least would be those who got a tad bit busier than usual. That is what I mean by “worsened attitudes”.
I do not like to embarass myself and if someone didn’t reply or treated me like an invisible alien, I did not insist. Also, I have few friends who are like bedrock but I never recognized them until it was time. I wasted so much time with those folks who were shallower than clouds. Wish there was a formula to tell reliability beforehand.Comment
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The reality of life for many of us is that we can count our sincere friends only on 1 hand. This should give you an idea of how few the number of sincere friends tends to be for most people. A person can have 100 "friends" on their Facebook or some other social media account. But out of that 100, it will be anywhere from 1-5 people that you would consider as true friends. The rest of the people tend to be "fair-weather" friends. They are with you when the weather is fair or when times are good and when you are in a good mood. They will visit you less frequently or disappear completely when you experience a loss or when you are going through a depression. They might hang around for a few minutes to get juicy details about what happened in your life to satisfy their curiosity and perhaps to use as gossip. And after that they disappear.
Financial loss is not the only reason that "friends" might disappear. Friends can become awkward around you and disappear if you are going through a serious illness or handicap, if you are going through a depression, if you are going through a divorce, if you are a single and childless thus making you different from their married-parent status. The list can go on.
It's usually through trial and error that you learn who is more sincere and who isn't. I do feel that the sings or red flags were there all along but we overlooked or dismissed them. The ladies in my social circle who have excluded me from their events were also the same ones who would attend invitations at my home but would not invite me to their events. Looking back, this was a clear sign. A couple of them acted reserved or kept a distance even at the same event........another sign. One lady in particular.......behaved like a moody adolescent and was incapable of polite formalities such as greetings or even saying "thank you" for gifts, or butting into conversations and steering the attention toward them.......so no surprise there as she made her character very obvious.
Now, the friends that I have who ARE sincere (MashaAllah) are blessings from Allah. I can count them on 1 hand but they have been with me through thick and thin, Alhumdolillah. In my case, I don't require a large number of friends in the first place as I'm very introverted, so it's enough for me.
If you are a spiritual person, then pray to God to replace the "friends" you've lost with better friends......with people who will be a comfort through good times and bad, and who will help you grow as a person. -
redvelvet Very insightful, will have to read a couple of more times to grasp all the details. I hadn’t thought about the “married-parent” status issue. That is a pretty high social status I guess. Some of them indeed treat single folks like idiots with way too much free time on their hands and plenty of self-serving narratives along that line.
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Bromancing is very important to some eastern males as there are strong elements of tribal and feudal influences, most western men don’t get heartbroken over jilted homies and there certainly aren’t that serious expectations, time is valuable and most of should be dedicated to immediate family, children. Wife, brothers, sisters
life partners can be amazing friends, I ho for walks, watch movies, workout and talk to my partners and don’t really need to bromance and waste my timeComment
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Yup, shxt happens.Originally posted by SID_NY View Post
There is no question of viewing those people the same way ever again. I just wish I had seen that coming long ago, for both types, those who stood by and those who didn’t.
I’m not fully out of the mess, took me a while, but getting there. Those who had vanished, at least some of them, have the nerve now to try to reconnect by acting as if nothing happened.Comment
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NvmComment
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Yes. Once I bet a lot of money on Misbah while he was playing a T20. My bet was his strike rate would be greater than 41.Why isn't the Dividend story among the featured threads?Comment
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Wow, you are a pretty pathetic person. You got some serious disgust for brown people. Otherwise, your use of terms like “eastern males” vs “western men” is supper uncalled for. You cannot whitewash yourself in the eyes of gora sahab bec. gora sahab is not dumb, he sees it from miles away, and laughs at wannabees like you. You keep trying and failing.Originally posted by Bobby1 View Post
Also, the relations you mentioned is a given for everyone, no choice there except for “your partner(s?)”, which mostly starts as a friend. Since you are so aloof otherwise. That is admission of you making female friends just for “benefits” in mind, and little more.
Note to moderators: If folks like him attack the person starting a discussion, how likely is it that anyone, at least an "eastern male", is going to start a serious discussion here !Comment
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Speaking the truth is not disgusting, nothing wrong with guys spending more time with their male friends than with their wives. That tribal feudal connection is needed to survive there and not here. If I lived there I would invest time with males who could protect me and help me get ahead in life. How can you even deny that you see hoards and hordes of males just hanging out while wives do the cooking and cleaning. I think real pathetic is a person whop stole time from their kids and wife and mom and dad and invested it bromancing to find out that it was a waste of time. There are scores of posts here by female posters whose husbands are more in love with their male buddies than their wife.
Also pathetic is defining ideologies as brown or white, if you live and probably benefited from western taxpayer than you cant really be so disgusted with western philosophies, would the brown society put food on your table and you could eat with dignity even if you did not have money?
I havent attacked anyone here, I am giving my point of view and if you don't learn from your past mistakes than what hope is there?
So IF I validate people holding hands with their buddies and ignoring wives and children than this eastern male with bless me with his amazing thoughts?
If your argument has any weight than please respond with reasons and not name calling. -
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Sunn Bubban! This fancy smancy talk doesn’t hide your gora wannabee vibe. Perhaps you got some gora nickname in childhood and since then have been trying to wrap your life around it. Trust me it shows. Wannabees like you are laughing stock of goras, they tell jokes about it to each other.
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I have seen many toxic people who play victim whereas there are other reasons why people avoid them like plague, I dont respect people for brown or white but because of their actions. So if you give me personal attributes that you spend so much time helping wife, sit with kids do hours of homework, go to Masjid and volunteer cleaning the mosque, prepare meals for ghareeb Muslims than I would respect you as a person. Pathetic where you have to engage in personal attacks and don't have any reasoning. When I was a multimillionaire I was loved and still people beg to spend time with me.
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