Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

    Why?

    #2
    Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

    Men? Really? I think it's the women who get blamed by default in the desis communities . They are the ones expected to compromise to keep the marriage going.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

      Originally posted by Xaos View Post
      Men? Really? I think it's the women who get blamed by default in the desis communities . They are the ones expected to compromise to keep the marriage going.
      Well you heard wrong.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

        Not 100% of the time but most times the girl and her family put in more effort to make things work because of the taboo we have in our societies around divorce. Girls are taught from an early age that it's your responsibility to "keep the family together". " You have to give more". "You have to be more understanding". So they are more aware of their responsibilities and are dedicated from the beginning. Most guys are given the impression that if things don't work, they don't have to worry because there's tons of girls out there. Totally not Islamic or moral in any way and not all guys are taught these things.

        Girls are a lot more softer in nature and are able to forgive and ask for forgiveness easily. They are better communicators and usually want to talk it out and work through the problems. Guys may be more stubborn and usually don't want to accept their mistakes. Also there's this whole in-law issues that I've seen/ heard about. The girl's family usually are quite supportive of their son-in law and don't want to cause issues whereas the MIL from the guy's side can sometimes be over-protective and jealous and cause issues in the marriage. I've heard in a recent marriage talk that 70% of marriages that end in the first couple years are because of the in-laws from the guy's side. The imam who stated this statistic is one who has conducted tons of marriages and is a well-known scholar and family counselor in the community.

        These are generalizations and may not be the case in every situation.
        “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

          Originally posted by third string View Post
          Well you heard wrong.
          I didn't 'hear' this. I experienced this. Just saying

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

            Aight so I've never been married, I'm barely past my teens but I'm basing this off personal observations and have noticed that guys normally get the blame if they break up with their girlfriend or get a divorce. The man is usually portrayed as a cheater and a womanizer.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

              Originally posted by third string View Post
              Aight so I've never been married, I'm barely past my teens but I'm basing this off personal observations and have noticed that guys normally get the blame if they break up with their girlfriend or get a divorce. The man is usually portrayed as a cheater and a womanizer.
              You're basing this off of the small pool of relationships you've seen your friends go through. We have no idea what happened in those relationships because we weren't a fly on the wall of the apartment those two lived in so we can't really judge who the cheater was.

              Naah, when it comes to divorce, of the ones i've come across, the woman is for the most part seen as the one that didn't try her hardest to keep the family together. She's the one that broke the home, regardless of what went wrong in the marriage. I've seen it where the divorced guy was seen as the poor guy whose wife just up and left so now he has no one to feed his empty stomach and these are women that see this, ones that have husbands that are decent so they've never experienced how a bad, abusive marriage is so regardless of what they've heard, they see him as the guy whose wife just left everything. So, divorced women are tended to be seen as the husband stealer or they aren't exactly accepted by all with open arms. There is a stigma, like a big "D" on their clothes, if they reveal they are divorced.

              I'll have to agree with illuminate in that women are taught since childhood to do everything in their power to be very tolerant, adjust and be understanding.

              I've also seen it where the guy married a girl, one of several his parents gave him a choice to marry, but he's not faithful even if his wife knows about what he's up to but she's supposed to tolerate it because the elders see it as a phase the husband is going through so she's pursuing her masters while he's paying for it and he's also trying to chase other women. The girl can't really do anything about it because she just came from the old country and doesn't have a job or any work experience so she's just dealing with it.

              Even with the ones i've mentioned, we can't generalize most all relationships because those are only ones i've come across. Your opening comment is very one sided. We can't really generalize about something like a relationship especially since we don't know what the two went through every day of their lives together, what hell either one went through.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                All of us that have replied are females.
                Maybe we can get some male perspective into this?

                Do men feel they are more blamed when this happens? Do they feel they are at the lower side of the coin when a relationship fails? Do they fear taanay of society and embarrassment? Do they fear not being able to find another good rishta or any other societal taboos around divorce?
                Do they ever have to hear family, friends, community members telling them if they were a good husband they would have tried everything in their power to keep things together?

                I'd genuinely love to know to get a better understanding of the other side and how men take failed relationships and what they are taught from an early age about dedication, commitment and giving back unconditionally. To understand, compromise and adjust even before receiving the same treatment from their wife.
                “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                  Not all five fingers are alike. Do men get blamed for divorces/separation? Yes they do. But overall its far less than what women have to go through most often. But before blaming anyone, one must hear both sides' stories. And even after divorce, its my personal opinion that both sides should never be badmouthing other party. Its overall a complicated situation and there is no winner in that. Make a bold mature decision if you have to, and then move on and dont even care about who's blaming who.
                  Attitude is more important than facts.
                  "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                    I will put people who matter in such situations after divorce into the following categories:

                    1- Close friends and immediate family => Blames the other
                    2- Jealous relatives or exes => Blames you
                    3- Relatives who feel you will become a burden on them even if they abetted & encouraged your bad behavior all the way to divorce => Blames you
                    4- Any desi who wants to be seen as 'western' => Blames the man
                    5- Common relatives and common friends => Blame incompatibility


                    For the first few months after divorce, women have advantage over men in forming the narrative for everyone else. But after the first few months, when the dust settles and information leaks out from here and there. People make up their own minds depending on the available information. I personally believe that its essential to hear from both sides before people make their mind, but that is rarely possible.

                    For example, Angelina Jolie for months was able to tell how Brad Pitt was an abusive father. But that narrative is now not holding up.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?
                      • Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?


                      Originally posted by third string View Post
                      Why?
                      Because Marriage is a Man's Domain ....... residing inside the Home where the Wife is the Total Boss...........

                      so anything goes wrong it is the Man who is to be blamed


                      hard to explain it any other way.................makes sense right?
                      We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                        I have never heard of a divorce being the guy's fault, but instead, "there was something wrong with the girl".. "the girl couldn't compromise" etc etc ..

                        The guys get let off easy, and are usually married again alot quicker than the girl.

                        I have heard of this from every divorced person i know, myself included

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                          Girls definitely get blamed more when divorce happens.
                          But there are also GOD fearing families who would bash out the guy if he is at fault and try to mend things till the last moment between their son & DIL.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                            i think men and women are equal, Some bad habits in men and some bad things in women, so small things can make huge issues, so therefore try to avoid bad behave or things, and pick a positive side as well.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Why do men usually get blamed for divorces or failed relationships ?

                              Yo i'm not just talking about divorces but even break ups like the guy gets the blame normally

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X