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Family Interference in Rishtas

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    Family Interference in Rishtas

    To educate me on how a family can easily break apart a relationship, and how people going into marriage LET their families be so destructive, and now my own experience with a guy and his bhabi and mom causing problems in the relationship, I wanted to share a story, and glean from you guys, how important is it really to listen to family opinions, especially if they're slowly moving you towards destroying your relationship/marriage?

    One gentleman around here married a gori woman. I am not sure if she ever converted, I really don't know the family well. But my parents did know the groom's father. The couple got married, I remember attending their wedding. They had THREE kids, so clearly were together for a substantial amount of time and good with each other.

    The guy's father never could stand the girl and how did his son not marry a Pakistani, so he caused problems and problems, and the girl eventually left.

    We were talking about the aftermath of all this. The man's father is now dead. The kids are embroiled in custody struggles. The groom's gori wife took him for all the $$$ he had, and the guy is now barely able to live a decent lifestyle. He struggles financially and whatever he makes, the girl takes to support the kids he doesn't get to see, and he's down in depression, barely taking care of himself.

    His dad, who destroyed the relationship, is in his grave.

    Some food for thought.
    I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

    #2
    Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

    You say you don't know the family well, so how can you be sure that it was the father's doing that broke up the marriage? Or is that what the gossip is? You can't really know what truly happened in their house and what caused things to dissolve.
    Haii waan fraanshaap?

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      #3
      Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

      If that's what really happened the son shouldn't have allowed his father to interfere in the relationship with his wife.. tho obviously that's easier said than done..
      Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud..

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        #4
        Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

        It's easy to blame family, but everyone has a brain to think for themselves. If a person is so weak that "mummy/papa ne kahaa hain" is enough to convince them that their spouse is evil, they weren't mature enough to get married in the first place. I feel bad for this guy's kids though.
        With the desi marriage setting (wife having to spend more time with her in laws, perhaps live together with them), a LOT of responsibility falls on the husband to set expectations and boundaries between his roles as a son and husband. Parents can only interfere as much as you let them. Same is true about wife and her parents - it's her responsibility to make sure that her parents aren't interfering in things that should remain between husband and wife.
        Most of these "boundaries" problems proliferate because people are reluctant/afraid to send a clear message to their family re. what's acceptable.
        There is no one like me. There's only me.

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          #5
          Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

          My father knows the guy well and so that's what the guy told him ie his dad caused problems. Who knows. For sake of keeping the thread on a straight line. Let's assume the dad did interfere. He is now 6 feet under and his son is dealing with the aftermath.
          I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

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            #6
            With due respect, I have no sympathies for the guy. If it was not his dad, then it could be his mother, job, business, health, another woman, global political crisis or natural disaster that could come between him and his wife. We all face that situation, and that is called ' life'. You don't leave your wife every time life throws a curve ball at you. He is facing what he is facing because his responsibilities and his loyalties were not at the same place. Love and respect is one thing, but your loyalties should be with the people you are responsible of.
            People are afraid of what they don't understand

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              #7
              Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

              I think family is extremely important...you only get one set of parents PCG.

              However, sometimes we get so involved in taking care of our parents...we forget our responsibilities towards our SO. That is unfair. You don't have to be mean to one in order to be nice to the other.

              This guy should have kept the two parties separate and never allowed his father to interfere in his marital affairs. I have never to this day heard of any ahadees that allow a man to treat his wife or children unkindly in order to be a good son. There are however many many many ahadees discussing responsibilities towards wife, children and parents separately. This means his responsibility is towards all three and its his fault he never lived up to them.

              Its easier said than done but if your partner is trying - it makes a huge difference in your marriage. If he is blinded by either one...kid, wife or parents...the relationship suffers.
              Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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                #8
                Family Interference in Rishtas

                Quite honestly, it takes a lot to break up a marriage when three children are involved and it must be more than the inlaws drama in this case. If the dad was so evil that even after having grand kids couldn't get past the son marrying a white girl then the it was the sons responsibility to maintain both relationships and he simply didn't. I get what your saying about influence but I don't believe this is one of those stories at all. If the son could make three children with a woman he had a good relationship with then it was his duty to keep his father happy in his own respect and maintain a balance where his kids were concerned. It seems easy to blame his father now that he is not alive. I don't feel this is one of those cases an this all falls on the son for not getting his **** together for his marriage and children.

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                  #9
                  Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

                  This is probably the first time I have heard of a Father breaking a marriage. They are usually cool people. When the going gets tough between saas and bahu, they mostly stay independent or sometime even take bahu's side.

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                    #10
                    Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

                    Sometimes it's the dad that controls. So he continues to control the son, and his married life too. My grandfather tried pulling that on my dad, and my dad wouldn't have it.
                    I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

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                      #11
                      Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

                      A real guy would stand up for you against the family when he knows your're right. One who doesn't doesn't have much spine. Sometimes the best way to assess a guy's character and his level of double standardness is to observe the interaction between the parent, how he interacts with his sisters, women on the street including waitresses and this should give an idea. Also, if you ask what he expects his daughter to be like gives an idea of what he prioritises and how he views your habits in comparison.

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                        #12
                        Re: Family Interference in Rishtas

                        wow Kakaji apne bahut fast like kiye. Mugambi khush hui jk ...hahaha

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