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how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

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    how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

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    Last edited by Paheli00; Nov 1, 2013, 12:59 PM.

    #2
    Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

    The good thing is that you're admitting to yourself that you are jealous. Many of us wont admit it to ourselves, even though we have the feelings. I think it's natural to look at someone else and wish "I wish I had that", the key is not to get annoyed, angry over it and not to burn bridges over it, because people can sense when you're jealous of them and they WILL stay away from you.

    When I struggle with this myself, I try to channel it into something positive. Ok, so I'm jealous someone is getting ahead, well, sit back and look at what I'm doing wrong and then fix things, and make myself more competetive. No need to hate that person, but you SHOULD keep a healthy eye open as to what others are doing. If you turn a blind eye to the rest of the world, then you REALLY fall behind the game.

    -so turn the feelings into a productive self-analysis and make changes to yourself, your job/schooling/family life whatever

    -do not let jealousy over other marriages get in the way of yours - not sure if there is any trick to this, except just reminding yourself every day that you're married to a good man that you get to spend time with. BTW, Engineers are great husbands, way better than doctors - they actually make comparable salaries aside from fancy specialists, but key is - they have time for family. Plus, they're super sweet, as oppose to doctor men who can be total show offs. And remember your husband is not likely having an affair with a nurse

    -be appreciative of the little things you have, because others may have things they can show off as some examples in your post, but they might not have a loving fulfilling family life, or they may not have as much time for themselves, etc.

    Hardest thing to be is content in who you are. And if you're unhappy about it, then change it.
    I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

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      #3
      Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

      Be happy with what you have. Some of the simplest things are the hardest to practice in life

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        #4
        Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

        I haven't dealt with these feelings personally but definitely dealt with ppl like this. Let me tell u they're not fun to be around. They can try to cover it up but it shows through over time. They find some comment or statement to put ur accomplishment down whenver u tell them about anything positive in ur life or someone elses life. If u r too popular or in the center of the whole party, they will either try to become the center of the party or throw a tantrum ya moo phula k bethay rahaingay. They will be extremely nice to u as long as they feel they are in a better position than u... At home at school at work, financially socially health just anything. Let me tell u they really drain the positive energy in others. Because they feed on negative energy, they want other ppl to be miserable (in some way) for them to feel good about themselves.

        I think to help u make a change u have to recognize why u do it. Generally the ppl that I have seen this behaviour in had the kinds of parents or siblings who drilled too muh negative competition into them, by negative behaviour or constant nagging, Uskay marks kitnay achay aaye Haen Aur tumharay Dekho, wo kitni tamiz say baat karti hae sub Usay pasamd kartay Haen Aur tumhay dekho, don't help her with studying or she'll get better marks than u etc etc. maybe if u identify the source of this way of thinking u might be able to consciously avoid it.

        As kids (although it's common to hear these things from desi parents) there was this other stuff that we were constantly told about by my dad. I know them by heart, k beta his bhi haal Mae ho Allah ka shukar Karo, there will always be someone in more trouble than u, always in a more worse situation than u. Hamesha apnay say neechay Ko Dekho Aur shukar Karo, apnay say oopar Ko Dekho gay to it will breed discontentment in u. And be grateful for all the blessings in ur life... My dads words... Sar k Baal say laikay paoon k naakhun tuk aik aik cheez naimat hae uska shukar Ada karo. Then he would count a few really bad situations to be in (appropriate for our age) and then tell us again how we should be grateful for what we have. And these were not necessarily long sit down lectures, try could be anytime anywhere when a situation arised that could lead to this lesson being learned. I believe this has greatly shaped my way of thinking as I grew up and Mae iska bhi shukar Ada karti hoon. Oh and watching discovery health greatly helped me in the same thing... Learning about the different and rare diseases and health issues that ppl go thru is tremendously humbling in the big scheme of things. Hope my long story helps u put some perspective on things and i hope u discover a good way to make a positive change in ur thought process.

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          #5
          Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

          don't go to parties!!!
          Life is NOT measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away!!!
          16 breaths a minute, 23040 a day...NO one knows which one will be their LAST!

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            #6
            Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

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            Last edited by Paheli00; Nov 1, 2013, 12:59 PM.

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              #7
              Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

              In this case sometimes what can be eye opening for u is when we look at someone, a couple, from the outside we feel their lives are perfect but they might be going through something not obvious but quite difficult too. And though we wish that we could have their hair, their job, their life, we would not want the perfectly spoken husband that comes with a mistress on the side, or the difficult MIL, or the debt that they're hiding to live this lavish life, or the household or children she's ignoring to be popular and in the center of the party and the social circles. So maybe when ur brain is taking u towards the negative side of things maybe u can look at the positive things on ur life and constantly remind urself of them. That maybe ur husbands not a great dresser but he always notices when u dress well for him. That maybe he doesn't speak so well or isn't that fluent but he says sweet stuff to u or appreciates u in his life. That he may be fat but he has a good heart. That he may be an introvert but then u get that time and attention that he would have utilized elsewhere in social gatherings . Etc etc.

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                #8
                Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                Only you can help yourself out. Get it before its too late. The answer lies in your own text, "its killing me"... it will prolly if you dont understand what you are doing!!
                So dear I love him that with him, All deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life.
                William Shakespeare

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                  #9
                  Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

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                  Last edited by Paheli00; Nov 1, 2013, 12:59 PM.

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                    #10
                    Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                    I cant figure out why i am this way.

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                      #11
                      Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                      Thank u so much for the advice everyone, i hope i can change

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                        #12
                        Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                        Why can't you control the jealousy? What exactly are the main things that make you jealous? Im sure it is probably stuff you can work on to get yourself. if its comparing your hubby to others then I guess you do need to talk to him and open up. Husband wife are meant to improve each other,,

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                          #13
                          Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                          Peace joy65

                          You have been given some decent advice and you have been doing some right things too. The cure to jealousy is rooted in subduing our egos. Ego is the agent of self-importance ... It makes us feel we are the best, when in practice we see many things what appear to be better than us, we make this outward assessment against our inward condition ... When there is a mismatch in the direction of ego not being fulfilled it then results in a sense of injustice, which has been falsely formulated and it creates the jealous response. Those people like you see this happening and control it as best they can ... Some can't and unleash it!

                          Ego issues can be cured by reminding oneself inwardly that "other people are my masters I am nothing before them" and outwardly to be as dutiful and servant like towards them as possible. The moment you get a jealous response in your heart, continue to rebuke yourself, but actively take the thought away from your mind and heart as well, don't deliberate or think on it too much, rather conjure up an image where the person is your king or queen a person who you are devoted to. Also, whenever this happens say Auzdubillahi minashaitanirajeem, as this thought comes from Shaitan, keep saying that until the feeling passes and recite durood when it goes. Whenever you get this feeling on top give a token amount in charity and pray to Allah (SWT) to remove the fitnah in your life. Focus on the good things that happen to you and do shukr of Allah (SWT) ... Shukr and focus on shukr rather than having more is another key to resolve this issue.

                          Do lots of dzikr and stay in wudu ... When meeting friends stay in wudu, pray when prayer times arrive and these feelings should pass inshaAllah. Read Ihya Uloom Ud Din ... Breaking the two desires translated by Timothy Winter ... By Imam Ghazali for other things to add.

                          Remember possessions are transient and most things that get people jealous are useless for the afterlife ... This proves that such people are being exploited by the Satanic whispers. When praying for others to have more, keep saying that prayer until it become genuine from the heart - like a mantra in the mind. Then do shukr to Allah (SWT) that you were given tawfiq to do an earnest du'a and then while the iron is hot and your condition is balanced top up with a du'a for yourself to gain increase in baraka in time, money, health, and youthfulness, and to remain streadfast to your religion. Continue to fear and despise the condition of jealousy and seek forgiveness for it on an ongoing basis.

                          Hope that helps ... May Allah (SWT) cure you of this ailment. Ameen.
                          The Prophet(SAW) said:
                          "I am leaving you two things and you will never go astray as long as you cling to them -- they are the Book of Allah and my Sunnah." [Reported by Al- Haakim - Sahih].

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                            #14
                            Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

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                            Last edited by Paheli00; Nov 1, 2013, 12:59 PM.

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                              #15
                              Re: how to stop being so jelous of everyone?

                              Unsociable networking: Researchers say checking Facebook can make you miserable and jealous | Mail Online

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