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    Istikhara Before Marriage

    Just curious to know how many of the married couples on gs did istikhara before marriage? Did you do it yourself or got it done from some mufti? How right it was ?

    #2
    Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

    I did not, but my wife did istikhara herself.
    I am not sure if mufti's are the best people to be asking for istikhara. Their primary job is to have an understanding of islamic jurisprudence. Istikhara demands a spiritual connection with Allah, which a mufti may or may no have.

    By the way, just keep in mind that a positive response after istikhara doesnt necessarily mean that all will be good. When it comes to marriage, things tend to lie more in the gray region, rather than black & white. In my opinion, if the result of istikhara comes negatively, you would obviously avoid getting into that relationship, and thats probably the best use of istikhara.

    Wish you best of luck in your future life, and be at least mentally prepared to make some compromises to make marriage work.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

      istiKhaara is NOT a litmus test or a guarantee that you will be divinely guided. what you expect through istiKhaara is the blessings [Khai'r] of Allah be incorporated in whatever decisions you are gonna take regarding any important issues in life.

      i believe that one should be a good practicing Muslim before he/she can expect Allah's mercy N blessings. it's like if Allah is NOT happy with one's actions and then he/she asks Allah to invoke His blessings on him/her for his/her own worldly gains. do you think Allah will be happy or upset with this person's asking for blessings.
      Life is NOT measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away!!!
      16 breaths a minute, 23040 a day...NO one knows which one will be their LAST!

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

        I'm curious of how many relationships could have successfully flourished if we hadn't developed this obsession over ishtikharas. I think it's become a recent trend. No one used to use these to guide every small decision in their life before.
        I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

        Comment


          #5
          Istikhara is a khair ki dua from Allah, and not a request to Allah to choose on our behalf, as the common misconception is.
          In case of marriage, make a decision to the best of your capabilities and then do istikhara, that is to ask Allah to make this decision better for us, or show us a sign otherwise.
          Last edited by TLK; Sep 3, 2013, 05:47 PM.
          People are afraid of what they don't understand

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

            Originally posted by PyariCgudia View Post
            I'm curious of how many relationships could have successfully flourished if we hadn't developed this obsession over ishtikharas. I think it's become a recent trend. No one used to use these to guide every small decision in their life before.
            Marriage is not at all a small decision.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

              The way desis go about it, you'd think it was.
              I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

              Comment


                #8
                Istikhara Before Marriage

                Neither my husband, nor I did istikhara before marriage....but we did go through pre marital counseling sessions with the Imam of our masjid before completely committing to each other to make certain that we were entering into this union with eyes wide open and totally on he same page with each others views on marriage, finances, family etc. I know this isn't the norm with desi arranged marriages, but ours was a love marriage and I think it's the smartest hi g my parents did to suggest it.


                


                

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                  #9
                  Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                  The general concept about istikhara is that we do it for 7 days and wait for some dream. I don't know why that's the most prevailing belief but that's what I knew too for most of my life. But if we actually read the meaning of the dua we'd know that we're asking Allah to make the task easier for us or make it happen if it is in our best interest in this life and the hereafter and to take it away from us if it is not. And to replace it with something better. So the thing is u can't really "not listen" to what He guided u to do because if it's not going to happen its not going to happen.

                  The following bits are off a website and I think it's quite clarifying:

                  And we should not be impatient after our dua. We do not put Allah on a timetable. And we should not expect some sort of miracle, or a dream full of signs and symbols. These things are not necessary. We simply say our prayers and trust that Allah has heard us and will answer us in the way that is best.


                  (O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it). The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need.
                  Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 263
                  * When making the dua, the actual matter or decision should be mentioned instead of the words “hathal-amra” (“this matter”).
                  What needs to be noted is that the answer to one’s istikhara prayer does not come simply in the form of dreams and feelings but in how Allah facilitates and unfolds events for an individual after he or she genuinely strives to do what is best.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                    I forgot to answer the questions actually asked by OP.

                    I didn't do Istikhara myself but my husband did it and my mom did it. The dua seems like the decision makers or the ppl who's lives will be affected by the decision should be doing the istikhara. I don't understand how someone else can ask Allah to tell them if this is right for u or not (because sometimes they dont want to tell that person the full reason for doing the istikharah, so its wierd.. It's like ur shooting in the dark and hoping u hit the nail on the head).
                    Anyway both of them didn't really wait for any signs, (or maybe my mom was waiting and then I gave her the above explanation of istikhara, as explained to me by my husband.) so basically we just believed that if everything went well and we continued to the point of marriage then that is what Allah had answered. And if it didn't pan out (for whatever reason, his english wasnt good enough , or his mom was pissing me off , or i had too much debt or my rotis weren't round enough )then that meant that that was our answer from Allah to the istikhara prayer.

                    How right was it? As right as Allah's decision can be!
                    And then even if we got married and we were miserable it would still have to be the right decision because Allah willed it.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                      Originally posted by chuzzle View Post
                      Just curious to know how many of the married couples on gs did istikhara before marriage? Did you do it yourself or got it done from some mufti? How right it was ?

                      I strictly follow Istikhara for anything that bothers me and requires a huge decision. Yes I did Istikhara for our marriage too and I chose 4 different Imams to do that for me. Also, I myself did the Istikhara. Alhamdulillah all indicated good signals.
                      So dear I love him that with him, All deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life.
                      William Shakespeare

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                        Originally posted by Sasha21 View Post
                        The general concept about istikhara is that we do it for 7 days and wait for some dream. I don't know why that's the most prevailing belief but that's what I knew too for most of my life. But if we actually read the meaning of the dua we'd know that we're asking Allah to make the task easier for us or make it happen if it is in our best interest in this life and the hereafter and to take it away from us if it is not. And to replace it with something better. So the thing is u can't really "not listen" to what He guided u to do because if it's not going to happen its not going to happen.

                        The following bits are off a website and I think it's quite clarifying:

                        And we should not be impatient after our dua. We do not put Allah on a timetable. And we should not expect some sort of miracle, or a dream full of signs and symbols. These things are not necessary. We simply say our prayers and trust that Allah has heard us and will answer us in the way that is best.


                        (O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it). The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need.
                        Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 263
                        * When making the dua, the actual matter or decision should be mentioned instead of the words “hathal-amra” (“this matter”).
                        What needs to be noted is that the answer to one’s istikhara prayer does not come simply in the form of dreams and feelings but in how Allah facilitates and unfolds events for an individual after he or she genuinely strives to do what is best.
                        Exactly

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                          I share your curiosity. Please come forth couples of gs and share your experiences

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                            Originally posted by chuzzle View Post
                            Just curious to know how many of the married couples on gs did istikhara before marriage? Did you do it yourself or got it done from some mufti? How right it was ?
                            one of my friend did it before marriage. it is up to you if you know you can do istikhara

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Istikhara Before Marriage

                              Originally posted by TLK View Post
                              Istikhara is a khair ki dua from Allah, and not a request to Allah to choose on our behalf, as the common misconception is.
                              In case of marriage, make a decision to the best of your capabilities and then do istikhara, that is to ask Allah to make this decision better for us, or show us a sign otherwise.
                              Originally posted by Sasha21 View Post

                              What needs to be noted is that the answer to one’s istikhara prayer does not come simply in the form of dreams and feelings but in how Allah facilitates and unfolds events for an individual after he or she genuinely strives to do what is best.
                              I don't get it..........if things happen as they are suppose to happen (because all things/events unfold as Allah wills) then they still would have happened the same way had the person done istikhara or not, then what is the benefit of doing istikhara? How does it help here?

                              Comment

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