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    Family Involvement

    Sometimes a guy and a girl, when they meet on their own, it becomes a decision as to when to get parents involved, especially the guy's family since they can really make or break a relationship.

    Is it better to get family involved EARLIER so they can help the couple veer away from a bad decision they're not seeing because they're blindly led by their emotions, or let the bond grow and strengthen between the couple and get family involved LATER once the couple has decided for sure they're getting married, so petty commentary by family doesn't get in the way?
    I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

    #2
    Re: Family Involvement

    I would say..get the parents involved in a sense that.. keep them aware. I normally do that..when i am serious about getting to know someone. I would expect same from a girl too that..she tells her parents too. And if i see something going forward (it didn't happen with me yet)..so i would tell my parents to call her abba..
    "Har Koi Deta Hai Zakham Gin Gin Kay ....
    Mein Kis Kis Zakham Ko Apna Naseeb Samjhoon"
    By Royal Gala

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      #3
      Re: Family Involvement

      Depends on the individual and family's mindset. Keeping them aware is also a good idea.

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        #4
        Re: Family Involvement

        Get them involved as late as possible. Basically just for the getting married stuff. Why would u want any early involvement. If ur getting married, then u have ur whole lives ahead for them to be involved in. Now is the time to build some understanding and trust between u two. For guys I guess it's good to keep parents aware (only the guys that know that this will work positively). In the sense that parents are not unnecessarily looking for rishtas elsewhere and wasting other ppls time. Sometimes too much awareness from the parents is not good cuz then they know how long u guys were in a relationship (and that u WERE in a relationship), and how many times it was on again off again. All kids know their parents best, so u know whether u have to be transparent, make them aware or leave them clueless. Whatever works to get thru to the wedding stage.

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          #5
          Re: Family Involvement

          Oh and continue the istikhara dua throughout ur deciding phase, so that's a clear cut way of knowing that ur following through with the right thing. So even if u r blinded by each other something or the other will happen to help u make the right decision inshAllah.

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            #6
            Family Involvement

            So for us, we were introduced through a rishta. That was the extent of our parents involvement. Both of our parents would only want to know if it was going well and headed in the right direction. We got to know each other for a few months and when we decided it was best to proceed with an engagement the parents got involved again. There was no pressure and it worked out best for the both of us. Even our parents didn't want a straight up answer until the right amount if time had passed where we could of gotten a chance to begin getting to know each other. Sometimes you know right away it's a no, other times it was a "okay let's give it a chance and see if this works" if you see the potential for marriage is there. It took us about 5-8 months to finalize the decision.

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              #7
              Re: Family Involvement

              keep them aware in a way that they know that you are seeing someone. just tell them that you will decide about marrying at a later stage if things work out between you two. don't involve them in every bit of your relationship stuff.
              telling your parents at early stage would also give you the idea whether your parents want you to continue with that specific person or not. if they don't like that person they would tell you and you can back off easily at an early stage where the emotions and feelings are not so much developed as compared to the later stage where it could result in a heartbreak for either one or both.

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                #8
                Re: Family Involvement

                def later once you have built that unique relationship

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