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Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

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    Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

    A couple weeks ago, I started talking to a potential rishta. The guy has been working in UAE for the past 6+ years and interested in moving to Canada where I live. I personally would prefer finding someone in Canada or USA. However, this rishta came highly recommended and the only reason I even considered it is because he hasn't lived in Pak for the past few years so I thought he wouldn't be a typical Pakistani guy.

    Once we started talking (mainly on whatsapp), I noticed his English isn't the greatest. I didn't want to point it out in case he might get offended but I always wondered how the heck does he work there in an executive position when he makes so many grammar mistakes.

    Khair, the other day he said something I wanted to share with my best friend to get her opinion on it and instead of focusing on the content of the message, my friend laughed at his English which made me a little embarrassed. And later when he came online, I couldn't control myself and asked him how he manages at work and in his social life with less than perfect English and why is it still like this after six years of being in UAE.

    Needless to say, he didn't take that well and we ended up having a huge argument over something small. What do you all think? Should I have kept my mouth shut but let this bother me internally? Do you think it was rude of me to ask him or did he overreact (because honestly, at times, it is really hard to comprehend him)? My mom keeps telling me that I'm too picky and need to lower my expectations. He did seem okay otherwise, but I noticed he is short tempered and when he feels insulted, he makes sure to put down the next person too.
    Kabhi kahin lag jaaye dil to, kahin phir dil na lage.

    #2
    Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

    i would suggest you find someone in Canada rather than looking for 'Mr. Right' a world away! agree?
    Life is NOT measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away!!!
    16 breaths a minute, 23040 a day...NO one knows which one will be their LAST!

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      #3
      Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

      Name one person who doesn't angry or have a temper when they feel insulted?
      Est Sularus oth Mithas

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        #4
        Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

        Urdu kii ek kahaavat hai:

        "insaan kii asl seerat uske Ghusse kii Haalat meN saamne aatii hai"

        achchhii soorat-e-Haal meN to sabhii achchhe hote haiN magar burii soorat-e-Haal meN ahl-e-zarf hii bhalepan kaa muzaahira karte haiN.
        Life is NOT measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away!!!
        16 breaths a minute, 23040 a day...NO one knows which one will be their LAST!

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          #5
          Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

          Hi,

          Interesting post up there!!!

          Ok here is what I think and I hope I make sense…

          Potential rishta this means spending your LIFE with this guy and you NEED to be sure of him. So if his English bothers you than you should have told him on the first place. Please clear. He living in UAE for 6 years does not really mean it would have changed him (broad minded). Were you pointing out his bad English is not an insult to him and takes it constructively. But off course it also depends how you had put your point across. If you were very bold or harsh or sounded rude then you have hurt his ego…. I don’t have to tell you what happens if you do that, you already know.

          Best friend laughing Well if you are going to continue with him then you need to tame your best friend. Let’s face it you wouldn’t want to lose your friends after marriage and goes without saying you wouldn’t want any trouble between you and him. So if your friends keep on doing this it’s going to play on your mind, will irritate you and once of these will happen. Either you will fight with your friend or with this guy.

          Moving to Canada if he is going to move to Canada I think you don’t have to worry much about his language. It will be just a matter of time till he gels in to the culture there and gets his language corrected. As they say “kharbooza kharbozee ko deak K rang pakarta he”

          I guess I covered all your questions… once someone told me when one getting off work should be thinking “yar GHAR jana he” it should not be K “yar aabhi ghar BHE jana he” I hope you understand the difference.

          BTW I to live in the UAE and work with one of the best company here.
          ......Inaalillahe wa inaa alaihe raajeoun....

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

            Originally posted by jumpyb View Post
            Potential rishta this means spending your LIFE with this guy and you NEED to be sure of him. So if his English bothers you than you should have told him on the first place. Please clear. He living in UAE for 6 years does not really mean it would have changed him (broad minded). Were you pointing out his bad English is not an insult to him and takes it constructively. But off course it also depends how you had put your point across. If you were very bold or harsh or sounded rude then you have hurt his ego…. I don’t have to tell you what happens if you do that, you already know.
            This..

            Wanting a partner who speaks English well is your preference and that's perfectly fine..

            I think you were too harsh asking him directly why his English wasn't better tho..
            Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud..

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              #7
              Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

              It's a valid reason to want to question the rishta...it would freak me out if his grammar was out of sorts, not so much the accent - accents are fine but if really he makes blatant grammatical mistakes then it can be embarassing in public etc.

              The way you went about it was wrong though Have you not spoken to him on phone or skype or heard his voice? Could either make or break the deal.
              A samurai bares no sign of weakness, even when dying of hunger.

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                #8
                Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                ^I'm the opposite.. The accent would bother me more than grammar..

                Some English regional accents can really irritate me
                Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud..

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                  #9
                  Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                  i think that "6 years living in UAE" thing got your hopes high.. but believe it or not, in UAE you can get away with you language being bad depending on what your line of work is and whom do you interact with on daily bases.... so..
                  ......Inaalillahe wa inaa alaihe raajeoun....

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                    #10
                    Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                    Originally posted by jumpyb View Post

                    BTW I to live in the UAE and work with one of the best company here.
                    I know this is off-topic but i'd like to know. Which company is this?

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                      #11
                      Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                      Originally posted by cat-woman View Post
                      It's a valid reason to want to question the rishta...it would freak me out if his grammar was out of sorts, not so much the accent - accents are fine but if really he makes blatant grammatical mistakes then it can be embarassing in public etc.
                      I agree with you. I've seen this so much more in Pakistanis. They try to fake accents but their grammar is the pits! Indians generally have horrible accents but perfect grammar and structure. Says a lot about our educational system.

                      Also, you have to see who the consumers are. In Pakistan, who cares about grammar as long as you can impress un-suspecting aunties with your accent - mounh tera mera kar kay and all.

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                        #12
                        Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                        ...and then people wonder why guys import brides from 'back home'.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                          madz - I’ve worked in the ME region for a while. If this guy's English is as bad as you say, he's probably lying about his position. It can also be that he's doing relatively well from a Pakistanis perspective but if you put him in the context of US or Canada, he'd be a lower tier.
                          As a guy I can simply say that if it bothers you that much, don’t go for it. It’s too late for him to learn proper English.

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                            #14
                            Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                            Originally posted by Stork View Post
                            I agree with you. I've seen this so much more in Pakistanis. They try to fake accents but their grammar is the pits! Indians generally have horrible accents but perfect grammar and structure. Says a lot about our educational system.

                            Also, you have to see who the consumers are. In Pakistan, who cares about grammar as long as you can impress un-suspecting aunties with your accent - mounh tera mera kar kay and all.

                            Pakistani education system!!! is there any in place on the 1st place..

                            impressing uncles and aunties from Pakistan... hmmm true.. they are not hard to impress. mounh tera karne ki bhe zarourat parthe kabi kabi.. if you know what i mean.
                            ......Inaalillahe wa inaa alaihe raajeoun....

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?

                              Originally posted by Stork View Post
                              I know this is off-topic but i'd like to know. Which company is this?
                              well the rabit is going to be out of the hat for me if i tell you that, but i'll give you a hint it's core business is travel.
                              ......Inaalillahe wa inaa alaihe raajeoun....

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