Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why is this the case

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Why is this the case

    Why are you looked down upon if you open a profile on a matermorial site? Further, even if you were to discuss your wish to get married with your parents, they'd make you feel desperate. Guys get away with these things but if your a girl then your kinda not expected to ever express your desire to get married. You study and when your parents say it's time you get married. What's wrong with making a profile on a matermorial site? I do want to get married by a certain age and I don't see it happening because nobody's cooperating. Is it important to have all your life's affairs in order before getting married? Would expressing the desire to get married before completing your education, establishing your career etc mean your desperate? Am I the only one who views marriage as an extremely important part of life. No one else in my family does that's basically the problem. Do I have my piorities all mixed up?
    Really seems like I am ranting. Sorry about that. But honestly why is it wrong to say you wish to get married?

    #2
    Why is this the case

    Absolutely nothing. Why would your family not consider marriage important? How old are you? Finished school yet? Working? What is the reason they give you or put you down for wanting to get married?

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Why is this the case

      In my early twenties. I am still in uni and that's basically thier reason.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Why is this the case

        That's EXACTLY what I felt/thought when I was in my late teens (got married at 21).--well minus making the profile and all.
        The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Why is this the case

          So why don't you have a friend make your profile on line, or better yet your Parents.
          Balaghal-ula bi-kamaalihi / Kashafad-duja bi-jamaalihi / Hasunat jameeu khisaalihi / Sallu alaihi wa aalihi

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Why is this the case

            There is nothing wrong in discussing your wants, needs and plans with your loved but you have to understand that when you are "discussing" some of your issue with someone, you have to discuss it with open mind. You should be ready to consider their reasoning.

            beside if some girl asks me or tells me she want to get married irrespective of the fact that she has not completed at least as much studies that makes her independent , my answer will be BIG NO NO.
            Goyan keshk aqbat taskeen ast...Awal shor ast aqbat namkeen ast
            Har chanz aasiyat sang zeerey...Ee surat-e-beqrar barbin ast

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Why is this the case

              OP, I got this out of the post you posted in the religion forum.

              Originally posted by kipatazindagika View Post
              However I don't know if it's just my thinking and my own self created insecurities or real issues but I feel though it will take me forever to find anyone. Alhamdulillah I am blessed in life and there is nothing really wrong with me . Although I just don't feel I am as good looking as most people are, nor am I really smart basically I have nothing that would attract anyone. Especially look wise. I have this real fear that I'll be 26+ and still single , it may sound absurd but it really worries me.
              Based on this, I'd say your parents are 100% right in holding off on marriage.

              1) You need to finish your education before marriage. You may end up being married to someone in a different city or even country. You have no idea what your husband or in-laws will react to you studying after marriage. And if you get pregnant.....then the odds of you finishing your degree is slim to none. Things happen. Not all marriages end up happy. There is no guarantee that you won't end up divorced or as a widow at young age. Thus, its important that you have the ability to support yourself financially in case something goes wrong in your marriage. It's a HORRIBLE idea to put yourself in a situation where you're forced to be depend on the kindness of others.

              2) Wanting to get married b/c you feel marriage is important versus wanting to get married ASAP b/c of your insecurities are two different things. You don't want to get married b/c you feel you're ready for that big step. You want to get married ASAP b/c you have self-esteem issues and fear that you'll end up alone forever. This is a HORRIBLE reason to get married! This type of desperation will cloud your judgment when it comes to choosing a spouse.

              Still in Uni/early 20's leads me to believe you're probably 21/22. I could understand you having a panic attack over this if you were already in your late 20's. But you have several years before you get there. For now you need to focus on your education AND your own self-esteem.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Why is this the case

                ^I agree it probably is not wise for me to to get married now, but I won't really be done with uni until I am 27. That's a while.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Why is this the case

                  Originally posted by SindSagar View Post
                  So why don't you have a friend make your profile on line, or better yet your Parents.
                  They don't like the idea of online sites.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Why is this the case

                    I think they're just wary of all the psycho ppl that put up their profiles as well. But also it might be that they think ur so young... Ur not at the point where u even need to get worried enough to get onto a matrimonial website. Dont ppl usually treat that as plan B? And u haven't even tried plan A yet.
                    I think it's safe to say that ur not really eager to actually get married but it would put u at ease to think that if that were the case that u would have a line of rishtas (somewhat) for the picking? So it's more a fear of what if right? Do u have a lot of cases in the vicinity where they left it for too long and then it was a little late to start looking? And those girls nightmares are giving u nightmares. If u live in the west then listening to all the stories here on GS maybe it IS advisable to start lookin early (21 seems too early though.. If u'll be done with uni at 27). Maybe u can bring it up with a friend's mom, cousin's mom (someone u trust, and someone who may have gone thru these issues while marrying their daughter) to sort of samjhaofy ur mom about this stuff.
                    When I was 21 and nowhere interested in getting married anytime soon and my mom started talking about potential rishtas I was all like I don't want to get into this while studying.. Like no looking either... So she explained her concerns, she said that she wasnt going to marry me off immediately and just that dekhnay dhoondnay Aur decide karnay Mae time lagta hae so good to start now just to have something in the pipeline. Anyway, she didn't have to look cuz Alhumdulillah I got a good rishta , a senior student from my uni sent the rishta and now I'm married to him mashAllah. My mom told me later (after I was engaged or married I think) that she was really worried and would always pray k Allah miyaan ghar bethay koi acha rishta bhej daen. She worried about the whole chai parade and ppl coming to see u all the time.

                    So start praying for it, with the belief that Allah will accept ur prayer. And definitely always ask Him for what is best for u. Because u might think that getting married really early is good for u and that might not be the case, only He knows. And don't worry iA whatever is written for u will happen. And if u r worried about not being pretty enough, having the perfect face perfect body whatever, know that that's not the only thing that ppl look for, if u r a good person at heart that will always shine through. I'm pretty average looking, and would always think yeh who's gonna go out of their way to pick me, but jahaan naseeb hota hae waheen hoti hae shadi. So just pray for good naseeb and a good husband, and that u will be best for each other in this life and the hereafter (my hubby said that he used to pray for that, and it made me realize what a wonderful dua it is, cuz we always remember to ask for degree and salary and acha susraal, but forget about aakhirat.) Anyway just pray and don't expect disappointment from the beginning.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Why is this the case

                      Originally posted by kipatazindagika View Post
                      ^I agree it probably is not wise for me to to get married now, but I won't really be done with uni until I am 27. That's a while.
                      So? I didn't meet my husband until I was in my late 20's and married him a few years later. My own mother also didn't marry my dad until she was 29. There is no "probably". Its not wise for you to get married right now period.

                      Even at 27.....if you haven't sorted out your self-esteem issues by then.....you'll make mistakes when it comes to choosing your spouse. So for now, focus on your studies and yourself. When you're 25.....bring up marriage to your parents. Let them know at that time that you understand that nikah will not take place until your graduation....but you'd like for them to start looking and getting to the engagement point.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Why is this the case

                        Originally posted by kipatazindagika View Post
                        ^I agree it probably is not wise for me to to get married now, but I won't really be done with uni until I am 27. That's a while.
                        Trust me - if you get married with no profession, degree or skill to be independent in case something goes wrong - you will be very sorry you rushed into something.

                        Marriage is important - of course it is. But there's a time for everything and it should NOT be your priority.
                        Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Why is this the case

                          OP - Two points to consider from a guy’s perspective:
                          1. Women on GS put too much emphasis on degree or profession. They’re correct if you consider the worst case scenario but I don’t think it’s healthy to be perpetually pessimistic about relationships. Degree, profession, looks, family etc. are just inputs to your self-esteem. If you think highly of yourself, go get married and become a great partner.
                          2. Regarding matrimonial sites – It generally is not a good idea because there are too many scam artists out there. You’ll waste too much time and energy sorting through chaff. You’d probably come out of the experience bitter. Also, posting on a matrimonial site implies that your family doesn’t have social connections to find rishtas for you off-line. So consider that for what it’s worth.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Why is this the case

                            Originally posted by Decent 6Chora View Post
                            There is nothing wrong in discussing your wants, needs and plans with your loved but you have to understand that when you are "discussing" some of your issue with someone, you have to discuss it with open mind. You should be ready to consider their reasoning.

                            beside if some girl asks me or tells me she want to get married irrespective of the fact that she has not completed at least as much studies that makes her independent , my answer will be BIG NO NO.
                            I'm curious. You used to have a more anti-feminist stance in your posts in the past. Did you just have a baby girl or something?
                            I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Why is this the case

                              I felt that way when bringing up the marriage issue with my parents. I brought it up at the age of 26 or 27, and got shot down from my mom. I'm sure that's different than for many other families who will haww- and haii at a single woman at 27. Her reasoning - your work/training/studies is not completed yet, and these Pakistani families will more often than not try to stop your progress. She was pretty correct, most of the guys I've talked to, even the ones who deceitfully seem pretty progressive until their moms and bhabis get involved are opposed to me doing any other progress in my field and want me to take a 9-5 job, which is essentially a death signal in what I do.

                              So I felt really ashamed that I kept asking about shaadi, feeling almost like a desperate whore or something, that PCG needs sex so she's asking her parents for the love of God to get involved. I don't think guys deal with this dilemma, in fact, families start teasing them about their future wedding (s) as soon as they're hitting puberty. I've seen boys get teased about potential girlfriends too, and when I tease my boy cousins about "Is there a pretty girl at school? Is that why you're gelling your hair?" everyone laughs. I say that about a girl, and I get frowns.
                              I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X