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Hijab after Marriage??

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    Hijab after Marriage??

    Hello everyone! Can you please share your thoughts on the situation below?

    I met someone a month ago for the purpose of getting married. We seemed pretty compatible in the beginning and he came down to see me this past weekend as well.

    During our conversation, he mentioned thatÖ although, he does not want to force hijab on his future spouse, he does want his future daughter (if he has one) to do Hijab. He said naturally if the mother is not going to do hijab, the daughter will not have proper guidance or motivation to do it as well. If not immediately after marriage, he expects his wife to start doing hijab eventually, so that it is easier for the daughter to follow the same path.

    For me that was a deal breaker because I donít see myself becoming a hijabi right now, it is very big commitment, and I donít have the taqwa to fulfill this duty right now. I also donít want the pressure of becoming a hijabi after I am married unless it comes to me naturally. I believe that if I push my daughter to do hijab in the future, without willingly doing it myself, it is not fair to her. Or if I make her become a hijabi but not wear a hijab myself, I wonít be able to relate to the difficulties and challenges she will face as she is growing up, and she may feel that she cannot relate to me.

    I shared my thoughts with the guy and we both mutually agreed that we are not the right match for each other.

    I am not regretting my decision but I would like to know what you all think. Please share your thoughts!

    Thanks!

    #2
    You guys called it quits because of your difference of opinion on hijab!

    Ya Allah is quom ka kya hoga
    People are afraid of what they don't understand

    Comment


      #3
      Hijab after Marriage??

      I get where you're coming from when u say you're not ready to make that change because it is a big step, however I personally wouldn't call it quits.

      I was in a similar situation myself, fiancť made it clear that he wants a wife who wears hijab and because I liked him I didn't want to say no to the rishta just because I wasn't ready so I basically had about a month to mentally prepare myself for it (coz my family took a month to say yeah lol) and that made the decision so much easier!

      I actually love wearing hijab it makes me feel so much more comfortable when I'm out and about especially when I'm at work! And also he makes compromises for me too if I don't like something e.g quitting smoking

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Hijab after Marriage??

        haha!..i was literally smiling when i read this thread. Just a week ago..my parents wanted me to get to know some girl. And she is hijabbi..kinda more on religious side. I wanted to give this a try..coz my parents have been insisting a lot..so i told them..that it is not going to workout..but illl give it a try
        So we found out..we both are on two different spectrum. She is very nice person..and bit too religious. Me on other hand not so much religious. So we both mutually agreed to not to pursue this.
        "Har Koi Deta Hai Zakham Gin Gin Kay ....
        Mein Kis Kis Zakham Ko Apna Naseeb Samjhoon"
        By Royal Gala

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Hijab after Marriage??

          You and the guy made the right decision by going your own separate ways. Hijab is a big change for a woman and no point in marrying someone if you two don't agree on this. NO ONE knows you better than you. So if you felt that you don't want to deal with the pressure of having to wear hijab after marriage.....then as an adult you have every right to make that decision. Marriage is already hard enough....no reason to add extra stress by marrying someone who has expectations that you're not ready to fulfill. As long as you are content with your choice to end this rishta....that's all that matters.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Hijab after Marriage??

            ^..abay han yar...bikul sahi kaha!
            "Har Koi Deta Hai Zakham Gin Gin Kay ....
            Mein Kis Kis Zakham Ko Apna Naseeb Samjhoon"
            By Royal Gala

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Hijab after Marriage??

              What happened, happened.......
              Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                You know yourself best about your can-or-cannot-do. Only thing I would add, did you try to find some sort of a compromise. Perhaps you two could have agreed on a certain level of hijab. Full face covering vs just taking a head-scarf. Who knows, down the road you might come to like it.
                Anyhow, my advice would be that if you can find a great match, with just a few differences, try to reach some sort of compromise. Trust me, "compromise" is going to be a big part of BOTH of your lives to make the marriage work.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                  you did the right tihng

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                    I understand compromises are required in a marriage and I have no issues with that. I don’t mind making compromises where I have to give up some stuff here or there or add some extra chores to my daily life or what not. However, if I am asked to make a compromise that can potentially change my whole identity…I am not sure how I feel about that. I am not saying I don’t like hijab or that I have any problems with it but I know my limitations. When you choose to do hijab, it becomes a part of your identity and there are certain expectations that you want to have from yourself when you decide on doing it. I don’t want to start doing Hijab just for the sake of getting married, when clearly I know I am not comfortable with it. If it is not going to come to me naturally and I have to force it on myself, I would feel cheated. I would like to do Hijab for the sake of Allah not for some guy and yes I understand that sometimes these types of things come through other people versus waking up and wanting to do hijab one day.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                      You made the right decision.
                      Are you planning on shampooing these dirty koalas?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                        You made the right decision. As you said, it's about your identity, and there's no point taking on something you're not ready for.
                        There is no one like me. There's only me.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                          Originally posted by LucyMay View Post
                          You made the right decision. As you said, it's about your identity, and there's no point taking on something you're not ready for.
                          She is right as how would she and her daughter? would go swimming with headgear on? I wanted to say clubbing as well but you can club with hijabs on as many girls should be able to tell us here .
                          Say no to 'islamofascism'..

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                            Originally posted by Doppleganger View Post
                            She is right as how would she and her daughter? would go swimming with headgear on? I wanted to say clubbing as well but you can club with hijabs on as many girls should be able to tell us here .
                            huh??
                            There is no one like me. There's only me.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Hijab after Marriage??

                              Heyy i was being supportive ...
                              Say no to 'islamofascism'..

                              Comment

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