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    Attracted to random men

    So I have a dilemma that i, myself fail to understand sometimes so i wanted to ask other people if it happens to them also.

    a little background info...i'm married and 25 (i get along with my husband well, find him attractive and think he's quite good looking)..so now the dilemma. This always happens to me.

    Undergrad: was attracted to random boys in class...thought they were cute. i also found some of my professors really attractive..why? because they seemed so intelligent and smart...but at the same time it was disturbing because they're 50 year old men and i was 21 at the time.

    Moving on to professional life: i work with some really intelligent men and thats all they are....some are ok looking, some are good looking and some are 55 years old...(example: was working with a 55 year old boss..he's not good looking. but he's so SO SMART. i'm in love with his brain...he complimented me on how i'm doing a really good job and my heartbeat sped up, and my ears got really red). that was an abnormal reaction to him admiring my work...the reason it bothers me is because then it hinders my ability to interact with him properly. i'm too nervous around him to ask questions.

    I guess its normal to have crushes and be attracted to different people for several different reasons. But it doesnt stop there for me. My imagination goes to the next step and i start imagining what if i had a secret affair with him(s). Thats what bothers me. I mean i would never act upon it or even consider it a rational thought. In fact it makes me feel guilty/embarrased for thinking such things, esp now that i'm married.

    also, once i move on from the situation, i also tend to forget these guys (Whether young and hot or extremely intelligent and old) and when i look back in time, i realize how silly i was for being attracted to whoever it was...but it happens repeatedly and thats what i find disturbing.

    thoughts/experiences???

    #2
    Re: Attracted to random men

    Thoughts: Pretty wrong, weird and off for someone who is in a healthy relationship.

    Experience: GOD NO!!!
    Main to is waastay chup hon kay tamasha na banay
    Tu samajhta hai mujhe tujh se gila kuch bhi nahi...

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      #3
      Re: Attracted to random men

      i wouldn't call it a healthy relationship if that's how you feel about other men. it usually starts off with some kind of attraction, and you taking it to the point of imagining an affair is just asking for trouble. there's obviously something missing within your marriage, why don't you go talk to your husband about this? pretty sure he deserves to know what's going on in his wife's mind.

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        #4
        Attracted to random men

        ^ this!!


        


        

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          #5
          Re: Attracted to random men

          Stay away from good looking men.
          I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Attracted to random men

            Oh oh I know...think of them as your bro.
            I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Attracted to random men

              This has never happened to me but I'm thinking that this is something else than a crush.

              Certainly, I'm not omniscient so I am just guessing here so please take everything I say with a grain of salt but don't dismiss it completely either...I'm not sure what it is but it could be that you're looking for love and acceptance outside of you. And a lot of women confuse sex with love & acceptance. I know you would not act on these feelings but the thought comes into your head. It's also Shaitan's way to mess with you. When you're obsessed with God's creation, you have less time and energy to spend on God.

              Just remember that everyone is equal and that if someone is more good looking or smarter or whatever, they are not better than you. The only thing that distinguishes us in God's eyes is our deeds. Our deeds mean nothing without proper intentions. So purify your deeds with pure intentions.

              I do apologize if I have become preachy but I'm basing my answers on my own personal experience of realizing that the best way to deal with life's little problems is to use the guidance we've been given through Islam. My intention is to give you something that will help you.

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                #8
                Re: Attracted to random men

                Be friends with your husband and cleanse your thoughts pray namaz regulary and when such thoughts come read astghfirullah and aaozbilla.
                Love makes you so strong and its very true because the way it made me powerful Allhumdulilah ! :) Love has made me unbreakable because no one can breaks the things which are already broken.....

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                  #9
                  Re: Attracted to random men

                  You mention they all are very intelligent....and their brain turns you on....but mention only good looks of your husband...... seems your husband does not stimulate you intellectually............
                  Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

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                    #10
                    Re: Attracted to random men

                    I think attraction for women in general has a lot more to do with just physical appearance. You mention intelligence more than once, so perhaps you find it lacking in your husband? On top of which, you seem to have too much free time on your mind or may even be bored.
                    OMG Paki!

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                      #11
                      Re: Attracted to random men

                      Tell your husband about your crushes and the content of your imaginations. He will see it as an invitation to share his own postmarital crushes and wild fantasies with you. This will result in a squawkward silence between you two...a turning point...after which you will avoid daydreaming about random men cuz you'll be too worried about your own guy.

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                        #12
                        Re: Attracted to random men

                        ^what if he flips out???
                        Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

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                          #13
                          Re: Attracted to random men

                          Originally posted by ButtSb View Post
                          ^what if he flips out???
                          That means he is not as dumb as some people are assuming him to be. And if he starts sharing his own postmarital fantasies about other women with his wife, it can be deduced that he is actually pretty clever....which will boost his hotness for this reason and also because it produces a sort of competition for his wife....n that automatically raises his value.

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                            #14
                            Re: Attracted to random men

                            That is emotional intelligence at best...... the OP digs like....work related/academic intelligence....
                            Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

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                              #15
                              Re: Attracted to random men

                              i wouldnt bring this up on an online forum, if i thought it was appropriate to discuss this with my hubby/frnds/family.

                              i dont dwell on these men for weeks/months...its always out of sight, out of mind. i just wanted an opinion on these thoughts in my head (whether i'm the only weirdo, or do other ppl experience this also, even if once in awhile). but thanks i appreciate all the responses...clearly there's something off about me...some sort of unfulfilled/broken/crazy part of my brain.

                              btw the hubby's not dumb. he has a good job based on his academic performance...so that theory's out.

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