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    Working

    Is it wise to tell a prospect upfront in the first meeting that you intend to keep working after marriage, and that is a non-negotiable issue for you (if you intend on working after marriage)?
    I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

    #2
    Working

    I am all for upfront disclosure on working vs non working....why waste either parties time and get emotionally invested if there are difference of opinions on this? I would not have even continued talking to my husband if we weren't on the same page prior to marriage. Our mutual thought process, goals and plans for life is what attracted me to him as a life partner.


    


    

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      #3
      Re: Working

      Yes.
      Tell your assassin to aim for her head...because she doesn't have a heart.

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        #4
        Re: Working

        Yes. If this is non-negotiable for you, then there is no reason to waste time/energy talking to a guy who will not be ok with it.

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          #5
          Re: Working

          Problem is when guys say it's ok, then change their minds later.
          I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

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            #6
            Re: Working

            Doesn't have to be the first meeting, but you have to tell the guy early on. I firmly believe in these things. No harm in talking about it in the first meeting as well.

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              #7
              Re: Working

              Tell him early on, but can you really be so certain yourself that it is "nonnegotiable"...? For example, you may choose to stay at home after having a baby...at least up to a certain point. Or other circumstances may arise which require u to stay at home for some time. When you use words like "nonnegotiable," it may make prevent the guy from asking about cases where an exception might be made. It sends the message that it's an "absolute" with no flexibility whatsoever and it can prevent open discussion/communication.....which is what you want from a prospective rishta, right?

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                #8
                Re: Working

                Originally posted by PyariCgudia View Post
                Problem is when guys say it's ok, then change their minds later.
                Yep..... relationships are not risk-free.

                P.S. On the flip side, the guy is also taking a risk by trusting what you tell him and thinking/hoping that you won't change your mind about some big issue down the road.

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                  #9
                  Re: Working

                  Post 7 is worth reading over and over. And digesting it. Incorporating it. Use of non negotiable may drive people away. Very few things ought to be non negotiable.
                  Why isn't the Dividend story among the featured threads?

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                    #10
                    Re: Working

                    Just read the guy one of your old blogs related to work/marriage and your views on the whole subject.......... he will get the idea.......
                    Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

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                      #11
                      I think it's not wise to start talking about non negotiable on the very first meet. That would make you appear as a very rigid and self centered person. A big turn off for the other party
                      People are afraid of what they don't understand

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                        #12
                        Re: Working

                        ^but PCG isn't one to play games and pose .....and change later......that would mean using the Aunty Tactic...... and if there is something which actually is non-negoatiable........why would you want to cheat the other person to begin with?
                        Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

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                          #13
                          Re: Working

                          yes you must be upfront.

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                            #14
                            Re: Working

                            I agree with RV that "nonnegotiable" is a very strong word and (needlessly) indicates that you are inflexible. You should definitely tell the guy that you intend to keep working after marriage. If the guy isn't okay with you working in any circumstances, then obviously it's a waste of time to proceed further. In any case, if a guy is adamant about not letting you do something which is so important to you, that is a red flag right there.
                            There is no one like me. There's only me.

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                              #15
                              Re: Working

                              One of our family friends' son was getting married. He wanted to marry a girl who would be a "housewife" as he thought he has a really good job and doesn't need his wife working. The girl's family agreed. A couple of weeks before the wedding, the girls side of family called, and insisted that they let the girl work for at least 2 years so she can pay her student loans off. The guy was really upset, because he stated it upfront that he doesn't want his wife working, so why is it that they are changing their demands. Anyway, so the guy refused to marry her a week before the wedding. Moral of the story? be upfront about what's important for you and don't waste other person's time. Don't marry someone thinking..hoping..they would change.

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