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    Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

    Hi everyone!

    I request your feedback on the situation which iam posting below. It is actually quite a weird situation which is now disturbing my peace of mind badly.

    When i was in college, i had met a guy. That was before 5 years. He was a nice, decent guy, and so, we both had fallen love with each other. Two months after he left the country as the college was over and moved to another country where his mother lives. He mother had raised him as a single parent right from beginning.
    When he went to his mother, he did inform her about me. And he requested her to talk about rishta to my parents and make us get married to each other. Initially his mom didn't say anything. But after sometimes, when he kept persuading her, she openly told him that she didn't like me and she would never agree for his marriage with me, as she wanted him to have an arranged marriage, as her own experience was extremely bad with love marriage, as her own love marriage didn't work out and she was divorced after two years of her marriage. So she had told him that she didn't want him to go through something similar. Anyways. Even if we both knew she wasn't happy about it, we both just kept hanging on, thinking sooner or later her thoughts would change and she may come around, willing to agree to have our rishta done. Meanwhile, we both kept in touch through Instant messaging, phone calls and emails.
    He kept trying hard to make his mom agree for our rishta. He thought that, perhaps his grandma could help making his mom agree, so he even talked with his grandma, who lives in Pakistan. And he even made me call his grandma. And i too had general talks with his grandma 4-5 times. But his grandma could not really do much for us.
    Then it so happened that, after two years, his mom actually told him to get my parents' numbers so that she would talk about rishta. Hearing that, we both were happy that finally she had come around. So i did give my home number. And after couple of days, when she had called on my home number, it was my dad who had answered the call, and she had so much guts that, she actually talked with my dad, complaining about me that, your daughter is after my son, blah blah blah . She did something which we never ever expected. After that, i did face a hard time with my parents. But somehow i managed to make them understand. But my parents told me clearly not to keep any contact with this guy anymore.
    As soon as she had made this call, i wrote to him right away, telling him everything and questioning him as of why did she do this. All i know is that, both of them had a big flight after that call. After that call, things got shattered between us. I no onger felt like keeping in touch with him anymore. Our relationship became on and off & finally, we called it off.
    Now it is been two years that things were over between us. Now, what sounds weird is that - Now, after two years, his grandma has started calling me First she called me in the beginning of Ramadan, and she started crying and telling me like, he cannot forget me and what his mother did, after that things got extremely bad at their home that, from that time onwards, he does not talk with any of the family members, neither attends any family events, and sometimes does not even eat properly and now had become so weak, etc. And that, his mom is too ashamed of the phone call she had made to our home. I told her that there was nothing much i could do about it. And just to get rid of it, i simply told her that, my rishta is already done and hearing that, she was like, rishta is only done na, marriage has not happened yet na
    After this, she called me few times again, requesting me a lot to write to him and ask him to come back in my life. She was like, when you were there in his life, he used to be very happy and we want him to be happy like that again, and we cannot see him being like he is now. And she is like, now his mom desperately wants to make him get married to me. And she is like, if he becomes normal again, she herself would visit our home and make my parents agreed.
    Though i did ask her that, where was she before, and why she is calling me now, after two years of everything being over between us. Then she was like, their very last hope is me, as they believe his condition would improve only after he would have me back in his life.

    So, on her lots of requests, i did send him few emails, asking him to let's have our relationship again (THIS IS NOT WHAT I EVER WANTED TO DO AFTER EVERYTHING WAS OVER). But he would not reply, no matter whatever i may write to him or request him. Then she gave me his phone number and requested me to call him. I called him thrice, but he would not answer my calls as well. Then i realized that, enough of it! And i told his grandma the same that, enough of it, i won't do it again. I clearly did tell her that, i emailed him and call him only because of her, or else i don't really have to do all that.
    After that, she called me back again after one week, requesting me to send him an email every day :S, so that his heart may melt down and he may agree to come back to me :S.
    Now, i find it soo weird, actually. I have told her to talk to him directly, but she would not, saying he does not even look at us
    Now, what should i do? Whenever i talk to her, i feel my zakhms get scratched, and i come on square one, trying to get over him all over again .
    What should i do? Shall i stop answering her calls when she would call me next time? She is like, sirf eik email hee toh karo daily, kahan paise lagtay hain email karnay ke .. Does not she understand that, more than money, it is feelings which get involved! She kept on repeating it like, kar do, naiki hee samajh kar kar do...
    I seriously need you guys' suggestions. Plsss help.
    Last edited by pinkyy; Aug 10, 2013, 06:58 AM.
    No matter how impossible, unattainable, or unimaginable something may seem. If itís meant to be, itíll beÖ

    #2
    Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

    ..
    Insulting and inflammatory signatures are not allowed, but posts are

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

      Stop answering her calls.
      stop emailing him.
      You have a future and you can see it. You will ruin it if you don't stop this show.
      You have and will forget him again.
      Be strong and think for yourself and what is good for you.
      If you have a brother who is close to you, talk to him and have him help you.

      It could have worked out but some parents especially mother of sons ruin things without any reason.

      Have courage. All the best.
      Are you planning on shampooing these dirty koalas?

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

        Use your head. It's not anyone's responsiblity to make someone else happy. If he can't pull himself out of his depression then it's not your problem. You are no longer with him. You didn't cut it off, you both did. Whatever happened occured because of him and his mother.

        You are engaged. It is a betrayal to your future spouse for you to be investing this kind of energy into someone else. If you really want to fix this you should cut off all contact with him, and his grandma. The fact that you're posting about this makes me think that a part of you wants this guy back. If that's true then call it off with your fiance. If you don't want him back then cut off all contact immediately.
        If a man speaks in a forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

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          #5
          Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

          You know how you're scratching your wounds every time you talk to him? Same goes for him.

          Do not answer his grandmother's calls and stop all contact.
          Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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            #6
            Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

            Agree w/ the others posters. Stop answering her calls and stop sending him emails. If you are happy with your fiance, and believe he will make a good husband to you then do not ruin it by being so weak.

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              #7
              Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

              There are some things that simply cannot be undone. This is one of them.

              His mother and grandmother and the guy himself are no longer your problem and I suggest keeping it that way.
              Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Suggestions needed.... plsssss...

                Yes, agreed! I am glad i was right to think that, me not answering her calls any longer can be the solution to all this. The only reason i kept answering her calls was because, i thought it would look quite rude to ignore her calls completely, afterall she is an aged person. But now i do believe that, it is the only solution .
                No matter how impossible, unattainable, or unimaginable something may seem. If itís meant to be, itíll beÖ

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