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    Husband sends all his money back to Pak

    Hi everyone I'm new here and this is my first tread. Now the issue that I have in which I would like u all to give me some advise is that my husband literally sends every cent that he possibly can to his parents and brothers in Pakistan. I do love my husband and he is well educated has a good job here but if I hade known that he would do this I would never have agreed to marry him our marriage is totally arranged bye the way. If it was about sending a reasonable amount of cash to his parents every month I wouldn't have minded one bit but the problem is that it has been 4 years since he has come to the U.S after marriage but he haven't saved even a dollar he just send thousands and thousands to Pakistan so that they could buy tons of land in Pakistan he has sent about 50,000 by now no joke and even when my hubby says to his parents that I can't send any money anymore because I don't have any I have to give house rent and stuff they get angry he recently sent $ 8000 so that they could go to hajj and I have no problem what so ever with that I believe that is his duty as a son but is it really his duty to buy his parents all this land in Pak just for the sake of them showing off that wee have so much land my hubby told me this himself that that is the case they live in some village in Pakistan. Now the reason I'm really worried is not over him sending money to pak and not saving any for bad times or if we wanted to buy our own home but it's also because he is extremly kanjooos with me and our baby just so that he could send money there he never buys me any new clothes or jewlery or anything for that matter he dosent buy our baby any clothes or toys about only 4 clothes a year my parents give my son like 5 to 6 clothes whenever the come over or I go to there house they live in another state I have to nagg him to buy my boy a single toy he never gives me any pocket money the only money I have is what my parents give me whenever they meet me even my parent s are starting to realize that something is wrong because I never buy anything new but I don't tell them anything cause I don't want to give them any tension . I never had To go trough any of this in my parents house now I have to think 100 times before I buy anything. This is starting to really stress me out and I'm staring to form a resentment for my hubby and his parents maybe if my husband wasn't so kanjooos with me I wouldn't be so worry over him sending so much money back home plz guys give me some advise on how to handle this situation dosent the hubby have any responsibly on his wife and kids ? Am I wrong in all this yes I know some guys send all there money to Pakistan once they go abroad but I thought only the bachelor guys who are living alone without a wife or a kid do that uhhhhh I'm so stressed out from handling this situation.

    #2
    Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

    Originally posted by Sadia09 View Post
    Hi everyone I'm new here and this is my first tread. Now the issue that I have in which I would like u all to give me some advise is that my husband literally sends every cent that he possibly can to his parents and brothers in Pakistan. I do love my husband and he is well educated has a good job here but if I hade known that he would do this I would never have agreed to marry him our marriage is totally arranged bye the way. If it was about sending a reasonable amount of cash to his parents every month I wouldn't have minded one bit but the problem is that it has been 4 years since he has come to the U.S after marriage but he haven't saved even a dollar he just send thousands and thousands to Pakistan so that they could buy tons of land in Pakistan he has sent about 50,000 by now no joke and even when my hubby says to his parents that I can't send any money anymore because I don't have any I have to give house rent and stuff they get angry he recently sent $ 8000 so that they could go to hajj and I have no problem what so ever with that I believe that is his duty as a son but is it really his duty to buy his parents all this land in Pak just for the sake of them showing off that wee have so much land my hubby told me this himself that that is the case they live in some village in Pakistan. Now the reason I'm really worried is not over him sending money to pak and not saving any for bad times or if we wanted to buy our own home but it's also because he is extremly kanjooos with me and our baby just so that he could send money there he never buys me any new clothes or jewlery or anything for that matter he dosent buy our baby any clothes or toys about only 4 clothes a year my parents give my son like 5 to 6 clothes whenever the come over or I go to there house they live in another state I have to nagg him to buy my boy a single toy he never gives me any pocket money the only money I have is what my parents give me whenever they meet me even my parent s are starting to realize that something is wrong because I never buy anything new but I don't tell them anything cause I don't want to give them any tension . I never had To go trough any of this in my parents house now I have to think 100 times before I buy anything. This is starting to really stress me out and I'm staring to form a resentment for my hubby and his parents maybe if my husband wasn't so kanjooos with me I wouldn't be so worry over him sending so much money back home plz guys give me some advise on how to handle this situation dosent the hubby have any responsibly on his wife and kids ? Am I wrong in all this yes I know some guys send all there money to Pakistan once they go abroad but I thought only the bachelor guys who are living alone without a wife or a kid do that uhhhhh I'm so stressed out from handling this situation.
    Do you work? Or do you have a joint saving account? Or have you talked to your husband on why he doesn't save for you, in these 4 years?

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

      This is so sad. Sending money to parents back home is a good thing but he must not ignore you and your child in the process. He should try to maintain a balance. If you can find a decent job in U.S, go for it. If he stops you from going out for job, you may ask him to fulfill his responsibilities as a husband.

      If life is getting too tough, you can even take divorce. This is your right but try to avoid it as much as possible and use it as a last resort.

      Good luck

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

        Stop paying everything, tell him he needs to pay bills and for baby' s need. Open a joint account and have put x amount of money for your monthly expenses. You have to stop paying. Stop buying groceries and cooking food for him until he starts giving money for home.
        May Allah bring peace in Pakistan. Ameen
        Aray Logo Tumhara Kiya
        Main Jano Mera, Mera Khuda janay-

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

          I think best thing you can do is write it all down and form a budget plan, and say that you would like to start saving for your own place. Write down all the incomings and outgoings, and say that this is the absolute max he can send back home. He needs to comporomise at the end of the day. Is he expecting to move back to pakistan in the future, this maybe the reason why he is not willing to save any money for himself.

          I think it's very sad that he cant think about clothing his own child and wife. He needs to understand comporomise and ballance.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

            and in the end, he will not get a single land, money back, everything will be eaten up by relatives... you need to take serious measures now, u have been watching for 4 years, i think its time u tell ur parents what he is doing, this is not right.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

              UGH
              I hate it when people do that.
              This is the exact type of crap my dad does.
              He sends a crapload of money back to Pakistan to his brothers, even though THEY CAN *** SUPPORT THEMSELVES.
              That and they constantly backstab him, so I'm like WUT?????
              They don't need money from us. We aren't poor, but we can't go around throwing away our money either.
              I swear, all of the money that he sends to Pak can pay for college for 45 lifetimes.
              You need to tell your husband to start looking at your child's future, and send all the leftover money that he earns after buying the important things, cause that ain't right.
              Also, get a job cause if that imbecile doesn't change his ways you will have to do something.
              Last edited by Reha; Aug 4, 2013, 01:40 AM. Reason: no profanity please

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                He needs to spend money on you and the children, this is your right. You do not have to spend your money on anyone. He needs to fulfill his responsibilities. I am helping my parents out to but I not at the expense of my own family.
                My ancestors come from a place where every superpower one can imagine has come and gone wishing they never made the mistaking of coming.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                  I don't work because he doesn't let me mostly because our son is to young but even if I don't work does that mean that he make me feel like a criminal if I spend his money doesn't me taking care of the house cooking and cleaning and taking care of his child count as something ? I have talked to him about this issue and when I do he puts his defensive mode on and he says that my parents took care of me when I was a kid how can I say no to them now well if this was gonna be the case he shoudnt have married in the first place of if he did wanna get married he should have told my family beforehand that he was going to behave like this. I've behaved really patiently with all this but enough is Is enough he dosnt even agree to a joint account anyway can anyone tell me if there is a way I could talk some sense into him without him behaving like I'm evil for telling him to fix his behavior.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                    I am no expert on relationships but I know a friend who was in a very similar situation a few years back. (It didn't end too well though so take steps sooner than later)

                    Honestly a guy ignoring a kid's need doesn't make any sense to me. Its true that his parents took care of him when he was young, but where is he in the picture when raising his own kid?

                    I am assuming you have tried talking to him on the topic already and if it didn't work in the past and you don't change the way you are going to handle the situation, don't expect a different outcome out of it either. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If its an arranged marriage, the first thing you should do is involve your parents in that. Hiding from them isn't going to give you any bonus points. They might be under the assumption that you are happily married but what good is it going to do in the long run? I believe damage control can be done at this stage.
                    The Way of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not of those who earned Your Anger, nor of those who went astray. (Al-Fatihah)

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                      Find a good article on duties towards ur wife and children and share it on ur Facebook to make him read it. One thing that I have heard a lot of the times is that in the Quran everywhere duty towards ur parents is stressed more because once u marry and have kids ur priorities change and taking care of ur kids comes more instinctively to u than taking care of ur parents. I find it a little concerning that having a baby did not bring a change in him, even a slight one.

                      Maybe u can bring the topic up in a neutral way about how u were having a conversation with a friend and that some guy passed away and had young kids and the wife was not self sufficient and that they're leading a very difficult life and it made u worry and how not thinking about the future and planning something for the future of ur children (and even u) is making u anxious. That u don't want to be left helpless. And yes the easy comeback is kay Allah Maalik hae. But Allah also tells us to tie up our camel and then put our trust in Him to protect it.... Not to let it loose and just pray it comes back.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                        I'd get a job and get a nest egg together for you and your child..
                        Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                          Talk to him, stop giving him yo' paisa. You don't have to even look into jobs, once you cut the cash flow off that is keeping him hooked to his habit of funnelling money over to Pakistan, he'll be forced to pay his bills.

                          Do not be an enabler.
                          I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Husband sends all his money back to Pak

                            if husband sends all the money to Pk and you're not working, who is paying everything at home?
                            Procrastination at its finest .. Thats me =)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Sweetmoi View Post
                              if husband sends all the money to Pk and you're not working, who is paying everything at home?
                              I think she meant the money they have left after the bills are payed.
                              Actually OP my husband used to do that until I told him clearly that if he kept doing it I would leave him! so now he only sends a fix amount every month.

                              Comment

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