K well i am in a rut right now. My newlywed khala ( 2 years of marriage) is experiencing domestic violence. The story goes like this:<BR>My khala married her cousin (love marriage). Her cousin had a HUGE temper, my mom and everybody told her not to marry him but she fought for him and eventually got married. He lives in London so she moved from pakistan to london. Everything was going good, until... her khala (and saas) came to visit london. Her khala is always putting her down. She expects my aunt to spend all her time with her and my aunt cannot do that. Her khala does not work and my aunt has to cook, clean, take care of her daugther and her husband, his brother (that lives with them) and his mother.
My khala's BIL got into a fight with her and told her husband that he should beat her. Her saas also said the same thing. (this happened before)Just yesturday I found out that my khala got tired of always listening and cleaning after her MIL so she told her mother in law to 'at least take the hairs out of the hairbrush after she uses them' and her khala got pissed and over reactted. I don't know what happened after that but my khala said that he husband dragged her violently out of thier house, slapped her 2-3 times in secret and left her there. When she tried to come back home he kicked her out again. THE MOFO ! I always had hated him BEFORE they got married
. My khala also told my mom that during her pregnancy once he pushed her so hard onto the bed and held her hand so hard that it became 'nila' (is that blue in english?). She also fainted in the washroom once during her pregnancy. Everyone thought that it was because she didn't have enough iron or was not eating enough but we found out yesturday that it was because of the stress her husband caused her. When my parents were talking with them to make them understand my khala's husband was being all sweet. If my khala didn't tell my mom what really happened we never would have known.
My khala told her family back in pakistan too so it caused shame for him and now they are blaming my choti khala for thier shame :[ ! The family is causing my khala both mental, emotional and physical pain. She was crying so bad yesturday. and you know what her husband said when my mom told him not to hit her again? " Baji, i promise I have said sorry and feel really ashamed and I will never hit her again but she has to listen to me." Like WTH if she doesn't listen to you will beat her again? WTF u lowlife.
I am totally for them getting divorced. I mean woman beater's really do not change. But everybody is calling me a 'jahil' and were encouraging my aunt and khalo to get on good terms with each other again. They told her (and him) to do it for thier newborn daugther and told her that "tumhara bacha kon paley ga? Agar tum pakistan chali gahi to tumhare bhai, bhen, abbu, ammi, kab tak palein ghe?" . My mom also tells her (like she did before too) that " ______ ka ghusa bohot hai, usko is haad tak nahin lejayo ke woh hanta peyti pe a jaye". She only has a Bcomm too so she can't really earn for herself. I know he is a two faced man. Acts good and nice infront of others but a diff personality when he is mad. I mean sure you can have a bad temper but to result to woman beating?! You didn't buy her has a slave you married her and should give her the respect she deserves. Ohh wait i remembered why he got mad at my aunt and kicked her out. He wanted her to say sorry to his mom and since she didn't do anything she asked 'why should i do it when I didn't do anything?" My mom also told my aunt that do not feel quilty for telling us. If it happens again tell us or call the police. It will happen again but what if this time it becomes worse. What if he does force her to stay quiet? What if she gets pregnant again and then will have two mouths to feed by herself instead of once (if they seperate).
My mom has also been saying **** about my khala's husband all day but can't say it to his face because what if he hurts my aunt more? He isn't bad in regular but his temper is really really really bad.
Sorry for the long post. I really needed to get it out of my system. Nobody is listening to me and I feel so helpless. I read on domestic violence and everything that is listed about it is happening to her and everything that is predicted (future things that happen in domestic violence) I have a feeling will happen.They are happy and back together again but how long will it last this time?
What do you guys think? Is he going to change now that he has the pressure of all the relatives or will he continue to do this? should i stay quiet or call a helpline about it (i will probably be killed with the lectures if they ever find out but I am willing to do it for my aunt).
My khala's BIL got into a fight with her and told her husband that he should beat her. Her saas also said the same thing. (this happened before)Just yesturday I found out that my khala got tired of always listening and cleaning after her MIL so she told her mother in law to 'at least take the hairs out of the hairbrush after she uses them' and her khala got pissed and over reactted. I don't know what happened after that but my khala said that he husband dragged her violently out of thier house, slapped her 2-3 times in secret and left her there. When she tried to come back home he kicked her out again. THE MOFO ! I always had hated him BEFORE they got married
. My khala also told my mom that during her pregnancy once he pushed her so hard onto the bed and held her hand so hard that it became 'nila' (is that blue in english?). She also fainted in the washroom once during her pregnancy. Everyone thought that it was because she didn't have enough iron or was not eating enough but we found out yesturday that it was because of the stress her husband caused her. When my parents were talking with them to make them understand my khala's husband was being all sweet. If my khala didn't tell my mom what really happened we never would have known. My khala told her family back in pakistan too so it caused shame for him and now they are blaming my choti khala for thier shame :[ ! The family is causing my khala both mental, emotional and physical pain. She was crying so bad yesturday. and you know what her husband said when my mom told him not to hit her again? " Baji, i promise I have said sorry and feel really ashamed and I will never hit her again but she has to listen to me." Like WTH if she doesn't listen to you will beat her again? WTF u lowlife.
I am totally for them getting divorced. I mean woman beater's really do not change. But everybody is calling me a 'jahil' and were encouraging my aunt and khalo to get on good terms with each other again. They told her (and him) to do it for thier newborn daugther and told her that "tumhara bacha kon paley ga? Agar tum pakistan chali gahi to tumhare bhai, bhen, abbu, ammi, kab tak palein ghe?" . My mom also tells her (like she did before too) that " ______ ka ghusa bohot hai, usko is haad tak nahin lejayo ke woh hanta peyti pe a jaye". She only has a Bcomm too so she can't really earn for herself. I know he is a two faced man. Acts good and nice infront of others but a diff personality when he is mad. I mean sure you can have a bad temper but to result to woman beating?! You didn't buy her has a slave you married her and should give her the respect she deserves. Ohh wait i remembered why he got mad at my aunt and kicked her out. He wanted her to say sorry to his mom and since she didn't do anything she asked 'why should i do it when I didn't do anything?" My mom also told my aunt that do not feel quilty for telling us. If it happens again tell us or call the police. It will happen again but what if this time it becomes worse. What if he does force her to stay quiet? What if she gets pregnant again and then will have two mouths to feed by herself instead of once (if they seperate).
My mom has also been saying **** about my khala's husband all day but can't say it to his face because what if he hurts my aunt more? He isn't bad in regular but his temper is really really really bad.
Sorry for the long post. I really needed to get it out of my system. Nobody is listening to me and I feel so helpless. I read on domestic violence and everything that is listed about it is happening to her and everything that is predicted (future things that happen in domestic violence) I have a feeling will happen.They are happy and back together again but how long will it last this time?
What do you guys think? Is he going to change now that he has the pressure of all the relatives or will he continue to do this? should i stay quiet or call a helpline about it (i will probably be killed with the lectures if they ever find out but I am willing to do it for my aunt).
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