Adventures of my younger son.

[Mirch]

It is too long . Please do not proceed if you do not like long posts .

I give my kids maximum possible liberties.
I make sure that they know what is wrong and what is right.
I let them make their own decisions.
I let them do most of the things they are expected to do at their age, like going to bed late over the weekends , waking up late in mornings, sleep overs .
Let them eat whatever they want to , whenever they want to . Do not force them to do house hold chores , just ask them and make sure the are doing it voluntarily not by force
This is a dream life for a teenager.I make sure that they have everything a teenager has to have to look cool in front of their friends.

So there is no reason for them to go rebellious or break the trust. But he did .

So this is what I have done:
Netnanny on computers , previously I was letting him use my userid and password.
No car for him , he needs to go to school by bus and ride the bus back home.
Supervised socialization with friends only for one day over the weekends.
Cell phone can be used only when he uses it in the family room.
No monetary allowance , I will buy every thing and anything he needs.

All this in place till he improves his grades and rebuilds that trust we had in him. There is no time limit for these sanctions on him.

He agreed to it all because I told him he has two choices:
1. I take him to the court and put all the proofs in front of a judge and tell the judge this guy does not want to live a family life , he does not want to follow the rules and I do not want to be arrested for child abandonment by kicking him out so he needs to be put in a foster home.
2. Or if he still wants to live with us in this family and enjoy a good family life , he need to follow thru on each and every word of mine and live happily ever after.

He opted for the second. He is only 16 years old , what choice does he has ?

So my question anything wrong with this picture ? Any more tips and tricks ?

[hareem01]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

He needs a mentor Mirch.

[S02]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

teenagers will rebel, regardless of the lifestyle you created for them. it's part if them defining their own identity as separate from yours. but i think you handled it okay.

my only caution is that temporary cell phones can be purchased cheap and secretly given to him. the only person likely to be so desperate to speak to him is a girlfriend, so just keep it in mind.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

MIRCH, im surprised that you are surprised ...

[KKF]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

hahaha...sounds like my childhood! i even hung out with friends all night, almost every night! ...but, that was another time and another place!

[Hadeel]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

Mirch Uncle, what did the poor kid do? =(

[mickeymouse]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

Sounds good enough to me. Don't be surprised if he steps out of line again, it's normal behavior.

[Monk]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

MIRCH, im surprised that you are surprised ...

I am surprised that you are surprised over mirch being surprised..

[Naabigh]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

Mirch - at this stage , he needs you more like a friend then a strict police fella - keeping an eye on him 24/7 ..

This sounds like my own story - and believe me at his age - you cant police him in the way you described . not for long mate !

[Enigmatic]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

so at this stage, when a teenage kid is likely to rebel despite grounding, restrictions etc...what should be done?

let go knowing they would grow out of this? Also if a kid shares all his wrongdoings and the parents appear to be 'understanding', would they be actually realising their mistakes or they would think now that parents know, everything is in the pretext of being right ?

[NomiCA]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

Shaadi karwa do g uski.........sab kuch set ho jaye ga....puthay kaam karnay ka moqa hi nahi milay ga...

[Monk]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

It is too long . Please do not proceed if you do not like long posts .

I give my kids maximum possible liberties.
I make sure that they know what is wrong and what is right.
I let them make their own decisions.
I let them do most of the things they are expected to do at their age, like going to bed late over the weekends , waking up late in mornings, sleep overs .
Let them eat whatever they want to , whenever they want to . Do not force them to do house hold chores , just ask them and make sure the are doing it voluntarily not by force
This is a dream life for a teenager.I make sure that they have everything a teenager has to have to look cool in front of their friends.

So there is no reason for them to go rebellious or break the trust. But he did .

So this is what I have done:
Netnanny on computers , previously I was letting him use my userid and password.
No car for him , he needs to go to school by bus and ride the bus back home.
Supervised socialization with friends only for one day over the weekends.
Cell phone can be used only when he uses it in the family room.
No monetary allowance , I will buy every thing and anything he needs.

All this in place till he improves his grades and rebuilds that trust we had in him. There is no time limit for these sanctions on him.

He agreed to it all because I told him he has two choices:
1. I take him to the court and put all the proofs in front of a judge and tell the judge this guy does not want to live a family life , he does not want to follow the rules and I do not want to be arrested for child abandonment by kicking him out so he needs to be put in a foster home.
2. Or if he still wants to live with us in this family and enjoy a good family life , he need to follow thru on each and every word of mine and live happily ever after.

He opted for the second. He is only 16 years old , what choice does he has ?

So my question anything wrong with this picture ? Any more tips and tricks ?

Dude give his charge to his mother ASAP.
You and him sound like 2 teen age boys, not a good situation.

[Mirch]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

He needs a mentor Mirch.

Sounds like a good idea. Can you provide some details what kind of mentor are you talking about ?

teenagers will rebel, regardless of the lifestyle you created for them. it's part if them defining their own identity as separate from yours. but i think you handled it okay.

my only caution is that temporary cell phones can be purchased cheap and secretly given to him. the only person likely to be so desperate to speak to him is a girlfriend, so just keep it in mind.

I have not taken his cellphone away , want to make sure he does not spend too much time on phone , on the net, watching TV, socializing etc. Nothing is banned for him , he is not grounded either. He needs to cut down on all these activities His top priority should be his studies then everything else.

It is not about a girl friend. I have told him I have no objection over him having girls as friends , but a girlfriend is not allowed and he understands the difference.

His female friends are allowed to visit him at our home . The kids he hangs around are all good kids.

Mirch Uncle, what did the poor kid do? =(

I was following through with him on his homework , he has been telling me he is on top of it and has everything under control. I would even check it to make sure that he has done it all.
But he has been hiding some homework which would require him to put more time into it and cut down his extra curricular activities . He opted to socialize and did not do his homework. I found that out when I saw his progress report. Which he tried to hide.

Mirch - at this stage , he needs you more like a friend then a strict police fella - keeping an eye on him 24/7 ..

This sounds like my own story - and believe me at his age - you cant police him in the way you described . not for long mate !

Looks like you did not read the whole post and I do not blame you since it is a long post. Thanks for participating.

[Mirch]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

MIRCH, im surprised that you are surprised ...

Shaadi karwa do g uski.........sab kuch set ho jaye ga....puthay kaam karnay ka moqa hi nahi milay ga...

Lame posts.

[hareem01]

Re: Adventures of my younger son.

Dude give his charge to his mother ASAP.
You and him sound like 2 teen age boys, not a good situation.

LOL

That's why I suggested for a mentor (may be someone like Monk, seriously). There's a point in a boy's life where he doesn't wanna listen to his parents.

I'd suggest try treating him with bit more respect, tell him you believe in him. I think the boy needs bit of appreciation to fight the negativity.