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whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

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    whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

    <mods feel free to move if u think in wrong place>

    Why do ALL the family have such a fit when a rishta comes from a different

    kaum?? A rishta has come for my sister, and they are gujar ( we are jatt )

    and my mum and and dad have no probs with that, and have said as long as

    the boy and family are nice what else matters? and have agreed to the

    rishta..so my mum/dad has rang my chacha and he was happy and gave

    congrats...
    so now its my mamu turn they ring him and tell him...and what is his reaction..... AAARRRGGGHHH!!

    He started flippin' and saying things lik u shud av phoned and told us wen u got her married and you should have consulted us first, gujar are not nice ppl and blaaa...blaaa....im soooo mad...they (mamu and mammi)
    didnt even congrats my parents...

    he shouldnt have spoken like dat to my mom he is younger than her...
    why do rellys do that? As long the guy is muslim and from a decent family that is all that shud matter....

    what exp do u guys have , and what do u think?
    Dream as you'll live forever...live as you will die today....

    #2
    Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

    Im a gujjar to not that it makes any difference to me whatso ever.. Caste is all man made & has nothing to do with Islam as far as im aware.. Caste issues are so common these days my own sister liked a guy who was a Choudhry his family did not agree finally his parents came around but the elder brother didnt He couldnt believe his brother was bringing shame onto the family by marrying a caste lower to them!.. Anyhow this went on for 2 years & now finally they got married earlier this year :-)
    Dont let it get to u love! U have the blessings of ur parents thats all that matters x

    Comment


      #3
      Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

      ^ aww thanks shazzy.....my uncle feels the same as if we are bringing our khandaan down...my mom also spoke to my nanny/nanna (moms parents) and they were fine about it and congatulated my parents.... oh well, wer just gonna ignore them and carry on with all the wedding preps, its sooo exciting!
      Dream as you'll live forever...live as you will die today....

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        #4
        Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

        Thats the spirit! Congrats to u & ur family its shopping time yay!

        Comment


          #5
          Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

          Jatti mate unfortunately in my khandaan this is a big problem because I am half memon and half punjabi that also arain. Both sides never get along at all and god forbid if you hold a joint function. Oh and now it is time for my sisters rishtey and my mom want to wed them in to nice punjabi families but my dad and his side of the family want to wed them inside the family (memon side) and it's too complicated.

          Caste should not matter as long as the person is worth getting married to, however it is sad that to this day it is looked upon still as something of importance and many nice rishtey do not go through because of this reason.

          As for your sister, congrats about her rishta and if the person is nice and stuff then eff the caste and get your sister married mate! Your mamo will come around later when he sees how happy(iA) your sister is with her husband and his family.
          Heart in London. Mind in Lahore. Physically in Dubai. Loving it every millisecond.

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            #6
            Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

            thanx aish!! hope evrything goes well 4 ur sis 2
            Dream as you'll live forever...live as you will die today....

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by xjatti2khanx View Post
              As long the guy is muslim and from a decent family that is all that shud matter....
              What???? Are you MAD???? That's not how it works at all. You must look at caste, wealth, size of house, and every superficial quality under the sun. Who cares about sharaafat and having a decent family?

              I was totally being sarcastic there. Weddings bring out the crazy in people. Relatives and friends who never gave a flying flip about your life previously will suddenly have passionate and often noisy opinions about your bride or groom to be, the wedding site, the photographer, the bride's makeup, the table settings, etc. Entire families will go to war over such issues and hold grudges for the next 20 years and possibly to the grave because they were not consulted, included, or listened to.

              Why?

              I really don't know. Ultimately, none of the stuff that people go ballistic over is very important anyway, but you won't be able to convince them of that. In fact, the absolute WRONG thing to do is to confront such people and say something like "it's really not a big deal." They will erupt like a long-dormant volcano at your gall in suggesting that the grudges they hold aren't justified.

              Just try and let it go and enjoy the fact that there will be a wedding in the family. And most importantly, don't sink to the level of the troublemakers.

              Congratulations!

              Comment


                #8
                Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

                That's so stupid. Why people aren't grateful that they've found a decent human being is beyond me. Any person who is a Muslim and a decent, law abiding citizen and will care for their spouse is much more important than following age old caste traditions!
                Don't take life so seriously - Nobody gets out alive!

                Comment


                  #9
                  It's very stupid. But it's probably never going to change unless human nature undergoes a major re-haul. So just sit back, relax and ignore the stupidity.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Aisha Dubaiwali View Post
                    Jatti mate unfortunately in my khandaan this is a big problem because I am half memon and half punjabi that also arain. Both sides never get along at all and god forbid if you hold a joint function. Oh and now it is time for my sisters rishtey and my mom want to wed them in to nice punjabi families but my dad and his side of the family want to wed them inside the family (memon side) and it's too complicated.

                    Caste should not matter as long as the person is worth getting married to, however it is sad that to this day it is looked upon still as something of importance and many nice rishtey do not go through because of this reason.

                    As for your sister, congrats about her rishta and if the person is nice and stuff then eff the caste and get your sister married mate! Your mamo will come around later when he sees how happy(iA) your sister is with her husband and his family.
                    how on earth did your parents get married with this much conflict between their families? :/
                    they need to make peace with themselves and their mixed marriage before attempting to marry your sisters.
                    Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
                    - Nehru

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

                      Caste was an issue back in my grandfather's day.

                      My parents do not enforce such things when it comes to our marriages and for the life of me...I cannot understand why anyone would.

                      Ive seen some really bad matches made in the name of caste and zaat.
                      Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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                        #12
                        My parents actually hate the idea of judging someobody because of caste...as per my parents..they don't care who i want to marry as long as the girl is muslim (sunni muslim) and have very good character..

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

                          Taleeem de kaami
                          -- Nauman --

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

                            just a little to add up i do my self didnt thought about this caste stupidty whole my time i was from abroad ....married here in my same caste like we were mughal so my hubby a rajpoot same category.
                            point is that when i saw my two SILs marry in other caste which my MILS also have no issue about castes but now they are as different rasams occurs in there familes coz of castes a lot more problems like her MIL say we use to do like that an that how u do this thing like that ....living out of pakistan it seems caste is outdated but when u come to the reality the pakistan its differnt story ...ur married to aguy veryyyy nice one all the time he has to be on job and at back ur with ur MIL,SILS ......whole caste stories they tell u when hubby comes they don even bother to here ......but at the the end n pakistan CASTE matthers a lot 95%
                            MAY ALLAH BLESS U ALL (AMEEN)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: whats wrong with different KAUM marriages?

                              This disgusting Caste system needs to be dumped. We are the youth of today and we can do it, as long as we don't rate people because of their 'zaat/kaum' then we are moving forward.

                              Those people who think they are superior because of some so called lineage are extremely insecure. Forget marrying into those kind of people, I personally wouldn't even associate myself with them. Not worth it.
                              I hate advice unless I'm giving it.....

                              I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

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