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    What should i do?

    Hey all!
    I've known this guy for more than a year now.We were friends,then we fell in love with each other and all.Since then,things are going very good between us .
    Before around 6 months,he moved to another country for job purpose,now he is residing there.And now we contact each other through IM,emails,and phone calls only.In the beginning when he moved to that another country,we used to chat alot with each other,but now,he has stopped coming on chat for me.Initially when he stopped it,if i asked him to come online,he would come,but later,he started getting angry as to why do i want him to come online,though he does send me emails daily,and we do talk on phone twice or thrice a week.Now as he has stopped coming online,he tells me that,he doesn't really like coming online.The time when i expect him to be online,i find him being online in facebook,discussion forums site,etc,but why cannot he sign in and come online for me,since he is already on the net?.Now i don't really ask him to come online,though it actually sometimes really hurt me to see that.
    What you people think i should do?What should i think regarding this?
    Please help!
    Thanks in advance!

    #2
    i must be ancient....but here is what i think. what you did (make a boy friend) is not right in islam so please do not say Alhamdulillah ...when something that is haram goes well for you.
    secondly , this guy is avoiding you ...well there is'nt any commitment like nikah between you right? so why do u expect him to NOT make another girl friend. he did it with you.!!!!
    if you two fell in love the right thing to do was marriage right away and not continue seeing each other.
    what good is a grudge if you cannot hold onto it.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: What should i do?

      look i'm sorry to tell you but, you guyz might be going your own ways FOR RIGHT NOW. i have been in a relationship with this one guy for 2yrs and 3 months, he's in pk and me in the states, and he calles me about 30 times a day! i mean the thing is that when its true love you just can't stay away from one another, i mean you have to talk about everything in life. but you need to look at it in the sense that maybe this is not the right time for you guyz, maybe he does not realize how imp this is to you, he just needs time to growup and believe me i understand! Before this 2yrs and 3 month thing we tried many times to stay together after my vacation, they just weren't the right times!! Hun the samething happend with me, the chats going downhill, then no more emails, and he had noidea how much i loved him, but the last time when i saw him, and i thought i was SO over him, everything just put its self in place(this is after 3yrs of me trying to get over him) when you least expect it everything falls into place! so the best thing you can do is first figure out if this is the RIGHT guy, meaning should you even be going crazzy over him, and second give him space until he is running after you!
      Last edited by americandasi; Nov 22, 2008, 08:22 AM.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by aramis09 View Post
        i must be ancient....but here is what i think. what you did (make a boy friend) is not right in islam so please do not say Alhamdulillah ...when something that is haram goes well for you.
        secondly , this guy is avoiding you ...well there is'nt any commitment like nikah between you right? so why do u expect him to NOT make another girl friend. he did it with you.!!!!
        if you two fell in love the right thing to do was marriage right away and not continue seeing each other.

        You are not ancient, but apparently you think you are some sort of representative of Allah. Last time I checked, you don't determine God's will. Ridiculous! All things happen with God's will. Matches are made in heaven, when someone finds true love, it's God's will. Do you decide who is dammed or saved! Please gimme a break.


        I agree with Am.D. when people are truely in love they can't stand being away from each other. Although has something changed in his life? Does he have a job where he can't use chat or is he just really busy? Some people hate chatting online but enjoy the phone. You can ask what the deal is, if its just logistical, let it go. It's not a big deal if the basis of the relatiionship is ok. Otherwise, long distance is hard on people, the time may not be right for you guys. Best of luck! It will all work out for the best inshallah.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by shoponline4kaprey View Post
          All things happen with God's will.
          For the sake of all of us, let's hope we continue using this excuse only for actions described in this thread, and nothing else.
          I'm cold seed, I'm your sweetest leaf
          I'll ease your mind, I'll set you free

          Comment


            #6
            Re: What should i do?

            I think he might be moving into a different phase of his life...his career now. Its important to focus on that and not romance for the time being. Thats what he is doing or maybe he has seen another girl he is interested in.

            Whatever the case is, leave him alone and see how long it takes for him to come to you.
            Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

            Comment


              #7
              Re: What should i do?

              Simple he's ignoring you!

              And your preferences/ your priorities changes with the time, quite natural.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: What should i do?

                Are you people telling me that he is being insincere and all?

                But he does send me emails daily,and he calls me twice/thrice a week,so does that still mean that he is ignoring me?

                Comment


                  #9
                  well rose....
                  sometimes ppl get bored of things....

                  i myself use to come online n chat wid frds but for some reason for last couple of months all i do is come online, have all my family n frds blocked plus appear offline (lolsssss) and i am online on facebook n stuff.....

                  so i guess he jst doesnt want to use msn anymore......its no big deal. my husband doesnt have time to use computer or read my mails am i complaining




                  so cheer up..... u can call him if u want to talk to him rit?
                  ๋● ღBefore anyone else can love or respect you, you must love and respect yourself. ღ ๋●

                  Comment


                    #10
                    if someone reminds u that this is not allowed in islam does it mean they are thinking of 'emself as Allah's representative?


                    Originally posted by shoponline4kaprey View Post
                    You are not ancient, but apparently you think you are some sort of representative of Allah.

                    i think aramis09 has a point, u guys should think abt marriage than dating (which is not even allowed in islam)
                    ๋● ღBefore anyone else can love or respect you, you must love and respect yourself. ღ ๋●

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by PSquared View Post
                      I think he might be moving into a different phase of his life...his career now. Its important to focus on that and not romance for the time being. Thats what he is doing or maybe he has seen another girl he is interested in.

                      Whatever the case is, leave him alone and see how long it takes for him to come to you.
                      i really hate when people say that, love is not some sort of a job, its just protection and something to lean on when life hits you hard! Just becase you have a job/studies that does not mean that all of a sudden you become another person and don't have any emotion for others around you. I'm telling you girl when he is really ready, he'll be running after you! If he stays like this going around in circles, there is no need for you to have to deal with that!

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                        #12
                        If I were you I would leave him alone for the time being. If he cares he'll come back if he doesnt there's no point in running after him. But you say that he calls you so may be he really doesnt like msn anymore? unless you try to call him and you cant get a hold of him. You cant only judge the situation based on him not going online. You have to see if he has started ignoring your calls. Or if he calls only when HE wants to talk. Is he there when you need him? I mean if he's showing care but the only thing that's concerning you is the fact that he doesnt come online then you've got nothing to worry about. But if he has stopped showing care over all then you've got to let him leave.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: What should i do?

                          First of all I would like to say if someone asks for help or advice we should just help or advice. We re here to discuss, help.. not judge. I ve noticed a lot of people here just like judging the help seeker. As far as Islam is concerned we're all muslims and we know what's right and what's wrong .. we all do .. and every now and then we've all done something un Islamic so let's not make each other feel petty.

                          I think you should get hold of him over the phone and talk things out seriously. Tell him to remember how you guys were best friends and how this is hurting you and even if he doesnt wanna be with you he should tell you cause this way you'll only lose a boyfriend but if he doesnt clear it up with you you'll lose a friend and a boyfriend and you're not ready to lose both yet!

                          Hope this helps and whatever the case .. BE STRONG!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: What should i do?

                            You have to sit down with him and have a one on one talk. Sort it out, make your wishes clear, ask him to be honest for what he wants in this relationship.
                            Blessed, happy, and content. Alhumdulillah.
                            :)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              You have to ask him for an honest answer, is he still serious and does he see a future with you or is he over you and wants to move-on? If he's online for other things and isn't talking to you means he doesn't want to keep contact. I don't get why he still sends mails to you though. You need to ask him and take it from there.
                              ..all you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!

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