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    Suck It Up Baby!



    Hi guys and gals!

    This thread is meant to help us all out. What I want is for any and all of you to post abt the difficulties life brings your way when you are married.

    What trials did you face?

    What became easier with time?

    How did you find the strength to move on?

    Be open and be honest...this is not so all of us can bare our souls in public (feel free to talk abt your friends too). Its to help someone who may be stuck in a similar situation and wants to know they're not alone...

    Some guy or girl may read your story and decide to suck it up and stick it out!

    I'll start by posting something I wrote in another thread abt my bestest (I DO realize thats not a word) friend:

    She got married at 18 to the man of her dreams. We were all 18 at the time and she was the first one to get married. She moved to Canada and was on Cloud 9 until she got there with her hubby after the wedding. It turns out, these ppl were not even half as well off as they had made themselves out to be. She lived in a leaky basement for the first year of her marriage and saw a side of her husband I thought I would never forgive. Im SUPER protective of the ppl I love: my family and my best friends. I would call her and only heard crying on the other end. He had a horrible relationship with his parents and took it out on her all the time. He never gaver her any money, didnt let her go to school, limited her phone calls to home so we had to call her and he even raised his hand to her. He broke her fingers once...Ill never forget that...I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest when I heard that. My friends are like my sisters.

    Im not saying she should have toughed it out because at that time, any sane woman would have walked out of a relationship. But she stuck it out and you know what she did? She got him out of Canada and away from all of the misery that was creeping into her life. She found him a job close to her family in the US and they moved here to start with, then went to NY where she put him through school at Cornell. She worked and paid the bills while he went to school full time. There were times when I sent her phone cards to call me with because I didnt want to inconvenience her husband and I wanted to make sure she was okay and had a way to reach out. She did everything: tutored kids, did make up on desi brides, worked at Sephora, malls, etc. Anywhere she could find a job, she worked.

    The man has done a complete 180 on her now, he has CHANGED. He came back to CHicago after graduation and found a job in the Loop in investment banking, makes amazing money, is putting HER through school now, spoils her like crazy, treats her like a princess, just took her on a vacation to Cancun, etc. Basically, their tough times are behind them Alhumdulillah. They just bought a house and are family planning now.

    As some ppl are saying on this thread, sometimes a bond is born out of struggles like these. A marriage on paper is easy to have but a bond is difficult to create. Maybe this is your struggle? Maybe this is your test as a couple?

    My sis has a baby and she didnt see any wonderful times right away. She stuck by her husband and ALL of his financial difficulties for three years with a baby before her life became as peachy as it is now, Mashallah. If you see her now, you wouldnt believe she didnt walk into a perfect life. But she worked with him and Allah swt rewarded both of them with a beautiful life, Mashallah.


    Hope to see some really amazing stories here...
    Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

    #2
    Re: Suck It Up Baby!

    Okay FINE!
    Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Suck It Up Baby!

      very inspirational Psquared. Thanks for posting!
      main nay apnay iradoon ke shikasat say khuda ko pehchana hai (hazrat Ali)

      Comment


        #4
        wow. so inspiring.

        how nice

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Suck It Up Baby!

          PSQuared thank you for posting this

          I"m hoping that more members will step up and relate such experiences, or those of close ones as well. I can understand why some would hesitate but i'd like to stress that for the most part people on this forum come to learn. Some wil discuss and others observe silently, and in that learning process we bond through similar experiences. So i want to encourage everyone to post positive stories. It seems like every other day we see threads about marital problems so I think this thread as a sticky will serve a purpose to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

          Also i'd like to add, this doesn't just have to be a marriage story, but any story where one has gone through a rough patch and wants to relate their experiences is mroe than welcome to!
          Last edited by Sara516; Nov 18, 2008, 10:24 PM.
          The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by PSquared View Post


            Hi guys and gals!

            This thread is meant to help us all out. What I want is for any and all of you to post abt the difficulties life brings your way when you are married.

            What trials did you face?

            What became easier with time?

            How did you find the strength to move on?

            Be open and be honest...this is not so all of us can bare our souls in public (feel free to talk abt your friends too). Its to help someone who may be stuck in a similar situation and wants to know they're not alone...

            Some guy or girl may read your story and decide to suck it up and stick it out!

            I'll start by posting something I wrote in another thread abt my bestest (I DO realize thats not a word) friend:

            She got married at 18 to the man of her dreams. We were all 18 at the time and she was the first one to get married. She moved to Canada and was on Cloud 9 until she got there with her hubby after the wedding. It turns out, these ppl were not even half as well off as they had made themselves out to be. She lived in a leaky basement for the first year of her marriage and saw a side of her husband I thought I would never forgive. Im SUPER protective of the ppl I love: my family and my best friends. I would call her and only heard crying on the other end. He had a horrible relationship with his parents and took it out on her all the time. He never gaver her any money, didnt let her go to school, limited her phone calls to home so we had to call her and he even raised his hand to her. He broke her fingers once...Ill never forget that...I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest when I heard that. My friends are like my sisters.

            Im not saying she should have toughed it out because at that time, any sane woman would have walked out of a relationship. But she stuck it out and you know what she did? She got him out of Canada and away from all of the misery that was creeping into her life. She found him a job close to her family in the US and they moved here to start with, then went to NY where she put him through school at Cornell. She worked and paid the bills while he went to school full time. There were times when I sent her phone cards to call me with because I didnt want to inconvenience her husband and I wanted to make sure she was okay and had a way to reach out. She did everything: tutored kids, did make up on desi brides, worked at Sephora, malls, etc. Anywhere she could find a job, she worked.

            The man has done a complete 180 on her now, he has CHANGED. He came back to CHicago after graduation and found a job in the Loop in investment banking, makes amazing money, is putting HER through school now, spoils her like crazy, treats her like a princess, just took her on a vacation to Cancun, etc. Basically, their tough times are behind them Alhumdulillah. They just bought a house and are family planning now.

            As some ppl are saying on this thread, sometimes a bond is born out of struggles like these. A marriage on paper is easy to have but a bond is difficult to create. Maybe this is your struggle? Maybe this is your test as a couple?

            My sis has a baby and she didnt see any wonderful times right away. She stuck by her husband and ALL of his financial difficulties for three years with a baby before her life became as peachy as it is now, Mashallah. If you see her now, you wouldnt believe she didnt walk into a perfect life. But she worked with him and Allah swt rewarded both of them with a beautiful life, Mashallah.


            Hope to see some really amazing stories here...
            PS, i cant tell u in words just how inspired i m from ur post. it really gave me strength. considerin i m goin thru the same rite now with my hubby... not the leaky apartment bit and neither the freaky parents! but seriously its hell rite now... even financially i have to do so much while he is studying(hes doin some extra courses) I pay the rent(which is alot!), grocery and even personal stuff for him.. i feel so vulnerable and trapped cus i want him to b able to spend all this money on me and house rather than i doin it. for our honeymoon*which was 2 yrs after our marriage* we went somwehere and 60-70 percent of the expenses were taken care by me. i have started believin i can never b happy .. ever! we dun have kids... i m really hopin things cud b better after that. but ur story made me cry.. she went thru hell and is so happy now. i wish the same happens to me.... i m really glad to see there are girls out their who bear all this pain and still after a few yrs they r treated like princesses. alot of ppl here on GS suggested me not to put up with the pain i was goin thru and blah blah... not to have kids etc but they dun understand our culture expects women to, like u said, SUCK IT UP!!!!! and try try try and try!!! May Allah bless us all. Ameen

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Suck It Up Baby!

              Mall, Im so happy I could be of any help at all.

              I guess most of us need to understand the difference between a realistic marriage and an abusive one. An abusive one is NOT something Allah swt will ever want you to go through.

              Im not the most experienced person when it comes to relationships at all...but there is something to be said for sticking it out in horrible moments as a team.

              Have faith in Allah swt...he is there and watching everything you're doing. Its not going unnoticed. If the guy isnt a cheater, works hard, treats you well, makes sure your money is being put to good use and is doing the best he can to stand on his own two feet...then life will get better, Inshallah. He never gives us more than we can handle.
              Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

              Comment


                #8
                thanks sweetie. u sound like such a sensible and mature girl... how old r u?? I wish you the best in life and hope Inshallah u get a guy as sensible as you!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by PSquared View Post
                  Mall, Im so happy I could be of any help at all.

                  I guess most of us need to understand the difference between a realistic marriage and an abusive one. An abusive one is NOT something Allah swt will ever want you to go through.

                  Im not the most experienced person when it comes to relationships at all...but there is something to be said for sticking it out in horrible moments as a team.

                  Have faith in Allah swt...he is there and watching everything you're doing. Its not going unnoticed. If the guy isnt a cheater, works hard, treats you well, makes sure your money is being put to good use and is doing the best he can to stand on his own two feet...then life will get better, Inshallah. He never gives us more than we can handle.

                  what a sweet story, it made me get tears in my eyes, well done to ur friend for sticking by him and changing him. Truely amazing. now adays all u hear about is divorce rates going up and it's sooo scary, i guess you dont truely know the person until u live with them....

                  luv the thread. and would luv to hear more experiences...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                    Aw, mall thank you!!! You're a brave girl for being there for your husband through so much! Inshallah he will appreciate this and treat you like queen!
                    Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                      CE, girls are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

                      I used to think I was supposed to just walk into a life and just start. I never actively expected that but it just seemed like the logical thing in my head. But its so much more than that and we ever imagined or thought of.
                      Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                        i think it is a lovely thread. sometimes you stick it out and it turns around. there is a quote (somewhere i am sure) that only difference between a hero and a fool is that hero gets lucky.

                        although personally i havent had any personal experience of seeing any couple where a person changed.have seen either people not compromising or those that take the patient partner for granted and donot mend their ways.although their situations do change, as my mum never tires of saying if you stay patient in all the tests and tials ,things tiurn around and Allah never ever ever wastes anyones effort you get a pay back somehow.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                          WOW PS that was some life your friend lived. And that girl had a vision.
                          She knew her hubby more then any one else.
                          Amazing!!
                          ﺃﷲ ﻧﯣﺮ ﺇﺴﻣﺇﯣﺇﺕ ﯣﺇﻠﺄﺮﺾ_ Best cheese-maker of monkVille

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                            My older brother was in love with his wife when they were li 10-11 old. They got married when they were 19. My brother developd some
                            psychological issues, he used to have fits and every thing.
                            He took sleeping aid too all the time. In short whole family was very worried about him.
                            Finally they got married when they were 19. HAd kids and stuff. My bhabi has very strong nerves.
                            By brother became stable. My brother was an athlete too, he on tour hooked up with this athlete.
                            First we thought it was just a fling. But then they meet twice in one year in different countries.
                            Bhabhi being so much in love with bhai, found out. She said "he acts differnt when he is with me"
                            Slowley every one knew what was going on, father tried to fix my bro. Later he gave up and ask him to stop "gunah" and have nikkah with the other girl.
                            HE did, she converted too.
                            Bhabi wanted to leave the house and go to her parents. We were so worried about theirs kids.
                            We convince her to stay and take control. She did it, she asked my brother to ask her to come live with the family.
                            She came and stayed in the same city. Not with family.
                            We live in conservative city, so It was no place for a shorts wearing gori.
                            she realized that too.
                            I did play a little part too, she got injured she wanted my brother to send her money. And I deleted that e mail. LOL
                            Any thing for our bhabi.
                            Long story short plus I that whole thing came to end in 2-3 years.
                            We glad our nephewes never had to leave the house. Bhabi being wise/strong with little help was bring every thing back on the track.
                            Mashallah now they are living happly.
                            ﺃﷲ ﻧﯣﺮ ﺇﺴﻣﺇﯣﺇﺕ ﯣﺇﻠﺄﺮﺾ_ Best cheese-maker of monkVille

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Suck It Up Baby!

                              ^ SubhanAllah! Super woman.

                              Does anyone know of a husband's struggle with wife? How many husbands go out of their way like this to save their marriages?
                              Young soul's search has been paused.

                              Comment

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