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    Advice needed

    How would you convince your better half to move to your country?

    You got better career opportunities as Muslim woman wearing hijaab in the company you are working for and the company is interested in helping you to get higher position.

    Your job demands for good communication skills, hence you need to speak the language fluently. Done best in your home country as u already speak the language quiet well.

    You cant live far away from your parents and siblings. It has been hard time but things have improved in your family and you want to be there to enjoy the better times now.

    You feel safe in your country. You speak the language. All your friends are here.

    You already tried to live in his country by transferring job there for some time. So you feel that you have done a lot being there before marriage to see if it was a place for you. You have been away from family, friends to be with him and found out that you need both family, friends and him around and you literally are not able to be without them.

    He on the other hand has been living away from his parents for the past 10 yrs. He has moved from his childhood place to another city to study and from there he has moved to another city for job purpose.

    He only has one sibling. A sister who has been seperated for almost 1 yr and will be getting divorced some time before the wedding. They are very close.

    He is not very fund of moving to your country due to his sister's situation. She is single mother with 5 yr old son.

    So in such a situation, how would you convince him to move to your country?
    You dont want to seem selfish and demand him to leave his sister in such a situation but on the other hand u r emotionally not able to leave your family either.

    What would you do?

    #2
    Re: Advice needed

    Dont' fall for a guy from another country

    Ahhhh the joyus of being single
    The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Advice needed

      split your time between the two places if it's possible in your job until his sister gets married again, assuming she wants to.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Advice needed

        looks like either one of you or both of you will have to sacrifice something or other
        apparantly making sacrifices and compromising is all all the rage in a relationship

        the thing is... you have to work out how much you want to compromise... and sacrifice

        remember... you "love" him...
        it makes a bitter pill easier to swallow
        May your every wish be granted...
        Ancient chinese curse

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Advice needed

          Agree with sara there are nicer guys in your own country,even then if your heart is for that guy you have to accept her sister too.....isnt it hard?

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Advice needed

            What is the situation wiht his sister? If they live closeby to each other and visit each other often, then I c why he would be hesitant to move away, but if he's already been physically distant from, but emotionally close to her these last few yrs then what difference does it make if he's in ure country?

            Also, maybe he' faces the same apprehensions as you, about moving to another country, in that he efeels safe there, speaks the language and career wise is gud..

            complicated..
            The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Advice needed

              Chameli, just as Sara516 said, there can be a number of reasons why he may not feel comfortable moving (and it doesn't necessarily have to be about his sister). As a male he probably feels like he has the responsibility to support both of you after marriage. Moving to a different country can be daunting, especially when trying to find work and supporting a new wife.

              This is something that both of you will have to be honest about to solve the problem. Explain to each other your reasons for wanting to stay in your respective countries, and then work from there. I'm assuming you have already done this, but maybe dig deeper? It will be better if you both are honest now, rather than having regrets later.

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                #8
                Re: Advice needed

                Dont marry if u haven't learned how to compromise, marriage is a compromise.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Advice needed

                  Have you like talked to him about all this? Like everyone else said somethings gotta give...
                  Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
                  A. Spoiled milk.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Advice needed

                    He lives in same town as his sis. They have quiet good contact to each other though he doesnt visit her that much. Sometimes I think that maybe he is using her as an excuse. I dont know.

                    I am just confused. I am looking forward to get married and I know I have to compromise about a lot but this is huge compromise to make for me. Given both our situations, I think that it should be possible for him to compromise and move to my town. He doesnt see his family much and I cant live without mine.
                    Sure I want to compromise but this one is a big one to swallow for me!!

                    On the top of that I have several times experienced his sister misbehaving with me and havent told him about it to avoid all that nand-bhabi mess up. But it has happened several times that she has misbehaved, but in a way that will be difficult to explain to others. So I am literally scared to live in the same town as this girl. I have seen enough of her misbehavings and dont want to see more of that by living nearby. I get pain in my stomach just by thinking of her behaviour towards me. Havent spoken to him about it though.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Advice needed

                      Originally posted by Chameli420
                      He lives in same town as his sis. They have quiet good contact to each other though he doesnt visit her that much. Sometimes I think that maybe he is using her as an excuse. I dont know.

                      I am just confused. I am looking forward to get married and I know I have to compromise about a lot but this is huge compromise to make for me. Given both our situations, I think that it should be possible for him to compromise and move to my town. He doesnt see his family much and I cant live without mine.
                      Sure I want to compromise but this one is a big one to swallow for me!!

                      On the top of that I have several times experienced his sister misbehaving with me and havent told him about it to avoid all that nand-bhabi mess up. But it has happened several times that she has misbehaved, but in a way that will be difficult to explain to others. So I am literally scared to live in the same town as this girl. I have seen enough of her misbehavings and dont want to see more of that by living nearby. I get pain in my stomach just by thinking of her behaviour towards me. Havent spoken to him about it though.
                      if you two really love each other, then you have to tell him about what you feel...
                      you can kill those who tell the truth
                      but you can't kill the truth
                      -means "violence serves lies"-

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Advice needed

                        Hun, yu really have to tell him what she did and how you feel. This is something that's really important for you, you shouldn't have to compromise, and if he loved you enough, he would understand how you felt without making you feel bad.
                        The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Advice needed

                          Originally posted by Najim
                          Dont marry if u haven't learned how to compromise, marriage is a compromise.
                          Who should make the compromise first? While the above statement is extremely true, usually one has to be bold enough to make the compromise first. However, there is a danger in that. The other person may start demanding compromises as a right.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Advice needed

                            Originally posted by parissenoor
                            if you two really love each other, then you have to tell him about what you feel...
                            Ladies don't get caught up in the name of love. Marriage is as serious a business, as one on which your life depends on. Love will fog up your rationalizing mirror.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Advice needed

                              Have you discussed all this with him? Oh wait I read it again and you said you havent talked to him about this. You're getting married. Start discussing all these important issues. Im sure things will be more clear if you guys had a talk about all this.

                              Good luck.
                              "Today in heaven they opened up a new chest dedicated to charity. It's name ?"

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