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    How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

    jealousy and malice against you? Does anyone even have close relatives who are like that?

    I thought there are some relatives who don't like as much for various different reasons. However, just recently it has become apparent that there are some relatives who clearly are jealous of us and hold malice against us.

    Alhamdulillah, my entire family is very hardworking, so in many aspects we seem to be doing better than some of our other relatives. Foremost, it's Allah's (SWT) assistance that we've had throughout.

    I think I'm having a very hard time dealing with'em. That is because we have such close family ties and it's literally sort of your own flesh and blood whose out there wanting the worse for you and the best for themselves.

    In the past, whenever they have done well, we have been there supporting them and were very happy for them. This includes them boasting excessively and showing off, yet we act all nice. Unfortunately, we get total crap in return.

    Since I know now that they harbour such non-sense against us, I sort of don't talk too much and keep my distance whenever possible. For doing that, I've been labelled that I have an attitude and I could be jealous. Although it does sort of upset me, but I can't be bothered to stoop to their level to answer back. I just keep my mouth shut and listen to whatever it is that they have to say.

    #2
    Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

    Its part of life. All of us face such relatives and friends. The best way is the one you have adopted i.e. distance yourself. I do the same.
    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. Russell

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      #3
      Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

      Sadiyah, as long as you have tried your best not to let them feel inferior by inviting them over often, sharing their problems, concerns and happiness, you can't really do anything else, except maybe pray for them & yourself. But please don't distant yourself from them.
      I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
      - Robert McCloskey

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        #4
        Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

        My sister.

        Just have to learn to insulate yourself. Someone who proves themselves over and over to be non-supportive or not trustworthy, don't allow their opinions to matter and double check everything that comes out of their mouth. Unfortunately with family, you have to deal with them. Just don't give them any way to hurt you. Why allow people you don't respect to hurt you or to change what you do?
        "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - John F. Kennedy

        "Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know
        Someday we gonna dance with those lions
        Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin'" - flipsyde

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          #5
          Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

          Zalim Wadera, precisely. However, they seem to have issues with that too. Supposedly that I'm somehow jealous and have attitude. It gets me upset, but that's about it.

          ahmadjee, we have never done that to anyone. That's too shallow. If they somehow feel that they have to compete against us in their own minds, then there's nothing we can do about it. First of all, not all of my family members know that our relatives are like that because they are directly related to this particular family member of mine. I have certainly distances myself to an extent and I'll keep it like that.

          minah_pa, all it does is makes me furious and gives me more reason to distance myself from such people.

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            #6
            Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

            Originally posted by Sadiyah
            Zalim Wadera, precisely. However, they seem to have issues with that too. Supposedly that I'm somehow jealous and have attitude. It gets me upset, but that's about it.
            One word, ignore it. I have been advised to do the same which I am unable to do that
            The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. Russell

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              #7
              Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

              Sadiyah, I know where you are coming from. I consider our family to be in the middle of both extremes. I have relatives who are financially and socially well beyond the average in our family and I have those who are so low that they basically worry about ration. It is an unbelievable difference. Just imagine inviting them both for a party or family function like wedding or Eid, where one will feel totally out of place.

              So, being there for both of them is delicate fine line our family has to walk, which sometimes is impossible. There have been many instances where our intentions have been in the right place but somehow one of them got offended, which is very frustrating. But yet, I can't find it in me to start distancing myself from any one of them. I have tried but I just can't do it. That guilt is far more haunting than their usual hurtful comments & actions.

              I am not trying to say that those who do distance themselves are somehow doing something wrong but sometimes it is more difficult to do than baring their jealousy.
              I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
              - Robert McCloskey

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                #8
                Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                ahmadjee, I'm not talking about ghareeb rishtaydaar. I'm talking about rishtaydaar who are doing just as well as we are financially, if not better. They decide to be miserly and have issues when they see others spending money and looking nice and all.

                It's the kind of jealousy where perhaps they don't want others to be doing just as well as they are or can't stand others spending money to look nice themselves as well as keeping their place looking good.

                It's this weird type of jealousy and malice that they have against us. It's just too hard to describe.

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                  #9
                  Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                  You described it pretty well sadiyah. :-)
                  I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
                  - Robert McCloskey

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                    i have those kinds of relatives too. n they just scare me. i cant avoid or ignore them since they are very close relatives so i just ignore such comments n just smile. that gives them the message that i dont care about what u think and since ur comments are not important i am going to laugh at u (hence the smile) and ignore what u have just said.
                    i got plenty of jealous remarks after my nikkah from few cousins and family friends that did hurt me a lot. but life goes on.. i let them indulge in their self created miseries. its their life and if thats how they want to spend their entire life from belawajah jalaying their hearts, so be it. their loss not mine.
                    Alhumdulillah mein to bohut khush hooN and thats what matters. :-)
                    - I swear to drunk I am not God :-/

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                      #11
                      Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                      Suroor is right, the best thing to do is walk away. If something so awful is said that you absolutely cannot keep quiet just say, as I did once to an aunty. "It's must be difficult for you to have so much hatred in your heart, I will keep you in my dua's.", then smile, and watch the aunty pick her jaw up off the floor, and walk away calmly

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                        #12
                        Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                        ignore their nastiness and make dua for them , its the best thing you can do, because when you make dua for you're muslim brother/sister an angel is beside you who after you're dua for that person says : i give you glad tiding is the same. how great is that? and angels duas are accepted by Allah (swt).

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                          Originally posted by amana
                          Suroor is right, the best thing to do is walk away. If something so awful is said that you absolutely cannot keep quiet just say, as I did once to an aunty. "It's must be difficult for you to have so much hatred in your heart, I will keep you in my dua's.", then smile, and watch the aunty pick her jaw up off the floor, and walk away calmly
                          Man I wish i cud sa that to someone......
                          but then I'd get slapped and all the "hawww haiiiiis" and humiliate my mother
                          The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

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                            #14
                            Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                            Hi Sadiya.
                            Yea i knowwhat you talkin about these things is also in my family.
                            And i must say its really ****ed up. Coz every1 is jealouse about anybody.
                            It's really hard to live with such that kind of family, and very confusing coz
                            u dont know who u can trust.
                            Ya Nabi Salaam Alaika Ya Rasool Salaam Alaika Ya Habib Salaam Alaika.

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                              #15
                              Re: How do you deal with relatives who harbour...

                              *sigh* most of my relatives are like that, even though some of my cousins are wayyyy prettier than me, i have never had anything against them, cuz yuo know i just cant, not for that atleast but they aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont even wanna go there...I guess u just gotta have a reason to put up with them, mine is my dad, he loves his brothers so i have to put up with them and their familes cuz of my daddy cuz i love him
                              Disclemer: I mispel al i watn

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