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Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

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    Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

    Earlier this afternoon, a friend of mine told me how she was in a shock when she learned that a friend of hers is going through the divorce process.

    This friend of hers had known the guy for a long time (over 3 years) and I believe they got married mainly because of their religious compatability, however, it changed later on. One of them turned out to be more religious than the other. I never asked for details, but all I heard is that they're going through the divorce process.

    According to my friend, there should be other commonalities between the two in order to have the marriage work out.

    Do you know of marriages that worked out solely (or mainly) on the basis of religious compatability?
    Last edited by Sadiyah; May 18, 2005, 02:12 PM.

    #2
    Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

    Hmm .. religious compatibility alone would not be a safe ground to base a marriage on. Peoples religious beliefs and fervour are dynamic and ebb and flow over time.

    I know very, very few people who were equally religious all through their life. I've seen once religious people turn morally decrepit, and people of loose moral fibre turn religious.
    And back again.

    Not quite on the subject of marriage, but at the bank in Saudi Arabia where my dad used to work an arab colleague of his was visibly influenced over a period of months by a conservative scholar and finally handed in his resignation letter, stating that he believed his job to be unislamic and that he could not do it with a clear conscience any more.

    My father and a number of Saudis tried to talk the man out of it, but with no effect. A few years later, my father was talking to the man's old boss and found out that 2-3 years later, the man's religious fervour had worn off and he was crying in the boss's office to be able to take his job back, but was turned down since the bank was not hiring at the time.


    Ok, my story wasn't related to marriage, but the point rests that even the most committed Muslim, who was willing to change everything in his life from his job to his lifestyle for the sake of pleasing Allah, can change dramatically in his or her beliefs over time.
    Muslims are so good at dividing that they can divide the atom. If you see two Muslims, probably they belong to 3 parties.
    Al-Ghazali

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      #3
      Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

      Well, I'm speaking more about those where both the husband and wife are (most likely equally) religious, however, have differences such as one would be more outgoing than the other. Or where one likes to joke around a lot, while the other doesn't.

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        #4
        Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

        the few that I know ended in divorce.

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          #5
          Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

          ^ all of them couldn't have ended in divorces?

          I'm sure there must've been other underlying reasons.

          Nonetheless, very disturbing.

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            #6
            Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

            Why is it not understandable? Life is more than religion.

            There is a man in my office who is a Catholic, devout, extremely nice man. Religiously we are compatible. However, everytime he speaks he clears his throat every two words, I really want to slap him sometimes and use the excuse that I was trying to help him cough it out. I know, it's petty, but it would stop me from even considering him.

            The person you marry is with you 24/7 through good and bad. Ideally, nothing of importance is kept secret (if you want it to work). You need to have more in common than religion to spend that much time with someone and to raise kids effectively.

            Marriage is much, much more than religion.
            Last edited by minah_pa; May 19, 2005, 08:53 AM.
            "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - John F. Kennedy

            "Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know
            Someday we gonna dance with those lions
            Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin'" - flipsyde

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              #7
              Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

              There is a man in my office who is a Catholic, devout, extremely nice man. Religiously we are compatible. However, everytime he speaks he clears his throat every two words, I really want to slap him sometimes and use the excuse that I was trying to help him cough it out. I know, it's petty, but it would stop me from even considering him.


              And those marriages really did end in divorce because, as minah_pa pointed out, there is more to life than religion. Islam might be a way of life but there are so many other components that come into play which should be obvious like personalities, cultures, backgrounds, class, status, etc.

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                #8
                Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                Religious compatibility is not enough. Every one has their own way of following their religion, marriage is basically co existing in a sort of happy team.

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                  #9
                  Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                  Thanks for the feedback.

                  It makes a lot of sense.

                  minah_pa, don't be harsh on your co-worker. I have to personally clear my throat many times while speaking due to allergies.

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                    #10
                    Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                    sadiyah-yeah, I know, that's why I said I know it's petty ah well
                    "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - John F. Kennedy

                    "Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you know
                    Someday we gonna dance with those lions
                    Someday we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin'" - flipsyde

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                      One should, my next/second wife is definetely going to be an Islamic model. This way its easier plus I dont have to convince her like I had too, to mama.
                      Can you Hear me Now!! Good

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                        #12
                        Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                        ^^ ha ha

                        I have often wondered... what did you do to convince her?
                        "A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, 'Who am I, and what do I want out of life?' She mustn't feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children"

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                          #13
                          Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                          Brought the second one home.
                          Can you Hear me Now!! Good

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                            second what?
                            "A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, 'Who am I, and what do I want out of life?' She mustn't feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children"

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                              #15
                              Re: Marrying someone solely on the basis on religious compatibility

                              i think he means second wife. he brought the second wife home.

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