How to divorce a crazy wife?

[redvelvet]

We live in an apartment. It's rent right now but I was planning on buying a house, but don't think I will anytime soon. What would be the best scenario in this situation? I would just one day move out of the apartment and send her the papers via mail?

Slow down. It's Ramzan and it's not over yet. Make dua to Allah for change and for guidance (especially during Tahajjud) and try other interventions first. I'm not saying you should remain in this marriage. When you reach a point where you feel that it's dysfunctional beyond repair....then you can opt to leave her.....and if it comes to that, then please consult a lawyer first about custody especially if you can prove with evidence that she hits your daughter. But again...........for now..........slow down and try dua in combination of with other interventions (involving local Imam for counseling, etc).

Keep in mind that your daughter is at an age that is frustrating. Toddlers are not easy and it requires a lot of energy to take care of them. Your wife might be depressed or something could be frustrating her. Have you tried sitting down with and having a calm heart-to-heart discussion with her without blaming/accusing?

So far, you have ONLY told us about....HER. What about YOU? Are you absolutely 100% sure that YOU are not at fault at all and that your wife is completely satisfied with YOU? For example........if (let's say) she has post-partum depression....do you help her out at home with your daughter so that she can get a break and feel less overwhelmed? Have.......YOU BOTH........AS A COUPLE.......had some time to bond and connect with each other? For example, leaving your child with the grandparents while you and wife go on date night at least a couple of times each week? Have you tried doing nice things for her as a way to reconnect?


When someone tell you to leave your marriage and run for the hills.......keep one thing in mind, Bakra? It's ALWAYS going to be easier for THAT person to give you advice to walk out.......because it won't affect THEM in any way. For example, Bobby.........he never left his 1st wife even though he claims that she disrespected him for years. He still remained with her and ....then....found himself a 2nd wife who roped him into marriage by threatening to kill herself (smacks head).......but he still hasn't left the 1st wife. While he is always singing 2nd wifey's praises.....and ....will now and then praise the 1st wife, too............he still hasn't divorced the first wife. But he's now advising you to "run for the hills"......???? Why didn't HE run for the hills in his jawani when his own kids were toddlers and not the young adults that they are right now?

Point is.......it will always be easier for someone else to tell you to leave your marriage or even to stay within your marriage. But it's YOU that has to make a decision and it should not be done in a state when emotions are running high. You need to take some time to yourself and reflect over your own "rating" as a husband. Don't just focus on your wife's flaws. Be fair. You have many questions to think about? Is she satisfied with you? Is she going through depression? Does she need help at home? Are there other methods that can be tried before pulling the plug on this marriage? If it bothers you that she hits your daughter, will you be at peace knowing she'll get full custody or that you won't be around to prevent the hitting?

But especially in Ramzan, which should be a time for self-reflection and striving to become your best and having mercy/compassion for others, hold off on your divorce schemes.

[SleekDesign]

Not read all of your post but till the part that the wife is overwhelmed by some kind of stress. I believe it is the fact that she is expected to & trying to keep too many people happy. The guy doesn't have the resources to provide her a separate home. That could be one stress. I am sure there are countless others which the blamer has obviously not mentioned here in fear of exposing himself. Maybe he himself is physically abusive to her too.

She would be better off if he lets her free, I think.

[Bobby1]

Slow down. It's Ramzan and it's not over yet. Make dua to Allah for change and for guidance (especially during Tahajjud) and try other interventions first. I'm not saying you should remain in this marriage. When you reach a point where you feel that it's dysfunctional beyond repair....then you can opt to leave her.....and if it comes to that, then please consult a lawyer first about custody especially if you can prove with evidence that she hits your daughter. But again...........for now..........slow down and try dua in combination of with other interventions (involving local Imam for counseling, etc).

Keep in mind that your daughter is at an age that is frustrating. Toddlers are not easy and it requires a lot of energy to take care of them. Your wife might be depressed or something could be frustrating her. Have you tried sitting down with and having a calm heart-to-heart discussion with her without blaming/accusing?

So far, you have ONLY told us about....HER. What about YOU? Are you absolutely 100% sure that YOU are not at fault at all and that your wife is completely satisfied with YOU? For example........if (let's say) she has post-partum depression....do you help her out at home with your daughter so that she can get a break and feel less overwhelmed? Have.......YOU BOTH........AS A COUPLE.......had some time to bond and connect with each other? For example, leaving your child with the grandparents while you and wife go on date night at least a couple of times each week? Have you tried doing nice things for her as a way to reconnect?


When someone tell you to leave your marriage and run for the hills.......keep one thing in mind, Bakra? It's ALWAYS going to be easier for THAT person to give you advice to walk out.......because it won't affect THEM in any way. For example, Bobby.........he never left his 1st wife even though he claims that she disrespected him for years. He still remained with her and ....then....found himself a 2nd wife who roped him into marriage by threatening to kill herself (smacks head).......but he still hasn't left the 1st wife. While he is always singing 2nd wifey's praises.....and ....will now and then praise the 1st wife, too............he still hasn't divorced the first wife. But he's now advising you to "run for the hills"......???? Why didn't HE run for the hills in his jawani when his own kids were toddlers and not the young adults that they are right now?

Point is.......it will always be easier for someone else to tell you to leave your marriage or even to stay within your marriage. But it's YOU that has to make a decision and it should not be done in a state when emotions are running high. You need to take some time to yourself and reflect over your own "rating" as a husband. Don't just focus on your wife's flaws. Be fair. You have many questions to think about? Is she satisfied with you? Is she going through depression? Does she need help at home? Are there other methods that can be tried before pulling the plug on this marriage? If it bothers you that she hits your daughter, will you be at peace knowing she'll get full custody or that you won't be around to prevent the hitting?

But especially in Ramzan, which should be a time for self-reflection and striving to become your best and having mercy/compassion for others, hold off on your divorce schemes.

She never ever hit kids, didn’t even raise her voice at them. Our problem was she never showed love, affection, appreciation for me and doctors had her on several prescriptions drugs. I have noticed this a lot in community where many women are popping the pills like candy.

Hitting a child on face is criminal abuse, punishable by imprisonment and the person just witnessing this is participant also.

Secondly he has been threatened with authorities and abuse allegations

In the heat of arguments if she calls police, gets him arrested, he is finished.

In this situation authorities, counselor always advice distance

Men are raked over the coals about fake allegations

Moving away is actually thinking about the child, as creating a toxic environment is bad for the child.

Many Desi women want for a son and when they have a daughter, they hate them.

They love weaponizing the sons against the father.

What is Ramzan got to do with this? I went with Sam to a desi store and this older guy with namaaz mark on his forehead was leering at her and following her in every aisle and trying to walk close to her. I am sure he lectures about fazeelats
also.

Leaving a toxic relationship is better, courts 90 percent give custody to mother. If she accuses him also, authorities take the kid away.

[Bobby1]

I have been to courts regularly for last six years, I see lineups of women getting restraining orders, enforcement orders and see all the court staff being super supportive to women and have witnessed many proceedings remotely waiting for my turn on docket, so I know what happens in courts, new versions of laws for men is guilty, even after proven innocent.
Women should not hate on daughters, they can be 10 times the son that a man can be.

Sam’s daughter are tougher, stronger, amazingly caring, way more than my boys can ever be. I think that lady should park her hatred for the daughter. I bet if it was a boy, her attitude would be different

[redvelvet]

Someone like you cannot be expected to understand what Ramzan has got to do with this. And you need to knock it off with tarring all Muslims with the same brush as you did ...yet again...in your previous post. There is NOT just ONE kind of Muslim, which is the bad/corrupt/pervert Muslim. There are many good, decent Muslims in this world as well. Jab dil kia to Islam ki wah wah especially when one of your wives inspires someone to convert to the faith or a child of your does namaz........jab dil kia to bash the Muslims (which is often).

Apni toxicity to tumhe nazar kabhi aayi nahi. Doosron ki toxicity door door tak nazar aati hai.


I am neither pressuring him to leave the marriage nor stay in it. All I am suggesting is that he slow down and think things through. Moreover, we only ever have one side of the argument when it comes to a marriage conflicts.

[Bobby1]

The philosophy of Islam and Ramzan is amazing however religion has been used by many hypocrites to promote their nefarious goals.

I have a fool proof way of detecting hypocrites, a quote by Hadrat Ali, without manners, there is no deen. So if you come across a rude person gloating about religion, you know that he is a hypocrite.

Please do not do inventions in faith, never seen any rule where people cannot be separated or divorced during Ramzan. Try telling the judge that one shouldn’t be jailed for assault during Ramzan. Where do you get such enlightenment?

[redvelvet]

Yeah, and not every Muslim is a hypocrite trying to promote "nefarious" goals.

Yep, apply Hazrat Ali's quote to yourself as well, sir.

There is NOT a single Muslim in THIS thread who is "gloating" about religion. So this point of yours is irrelevant to the issue being discussed.

I haven't done any an "inventions" in faith. Where have I stated that it is ....wajib or farz or sunnah or even a "rule" (as you have accused me of) that people should absolutely not separate or divorce in Ramzan. The point was to remind Bakra that Ramzan is a time of mercy and patience and humility and self-reflection and he should slow down and think things through before making a final decision. It's a common sense thing to grasp for those who have common sense.

Assault and contemplating divorce are two separate things, His wife might have been hit by her own mother and such things can be "normalized" in families and it can be addressed in counseling if she's up to it. It's not a novel concept. People (including parents and spouses) go to counseling to manage their anger ....to understand the source of the anger........and to channel it in a more appropriate way. If one is open to it, it can be done and conquered.

He can very well "run for the hills" as you're egging him to do. I don't care because it's his marriage. He can stay put or he can leave. All I'm suggesting (as a few others besides myself have also done) is to slow down and think things through. The act of slowing down and self-reflecting and considering all options and consequences is ....not......a "Muslim" or Islamic thing...........it's practical advice that nothing at all to do with religion and is also given even outside of Ramzan.

[SleekDesign]

Being the person that I am, tend to see / analyze the underlying causes of every problem. I shudder to imagine all the mental, psychological & other torture a mother is subjected to, to make her hit her own child. A mother can never hit her own child in normal circumstances. We all know that humans tend to take all the stress, pressures their own minds out on the weaker. Clearly, the kid is the only "weaker" she has & everyone else around her is definitely torturing her, giving her huge amount of stress in one way or the other. She is under immense pressure of some kind. I wonder if she has good physical health because lack of good, healthy blood supply in the body makes one forget being normal. Unless the kid has done something terribly wrong, it is not 'normal' for a mother to hit her child unless under extreme form of stress, pressure or psychological torture which she attempts to take out by hitting the child.

You might be one of those husbands who use wives as servants either because of 'hindu tradition' (of treating wives as servants) in some Pakistani families or due to lack of resources to provide her a servant & a separate house to live. If her FIL & MIL do not like her for anything or anything about her then obviously that is adding to her stress which she, in no way, is required to put up with but is putting up with because of her thankless husband who is opening such insulting titles / topics about her online. A "CRAZY" wife. Are you a psychiatrist that diagnosed her mental illness to give her that title or a psychologist ? Even professional psychologists do not give out such titles to patients. The job of a psychologist is also to look for underlying causes of a patient's abnormal behaviour.

Not a psychologist but can see from your own choice of words for her that she should not allow the ones surrounding her to turn her 100% mental. She should get out for the sake of her own mental health & her child away from the sources of psychological torture that have made her become so cruel & unfeeling towards her own child. The torture she is patiently tolerating now will leave long term damaging effects on her making it difficult for her to retain her mental health if prolonged. So she should be out of this before too late.

Not sure how many insults you throw at her in real life that you went on to open this kind of topic about her on a public forum so you may let her read my post. That should give her confidence that protecting herself & her child from the original "torture-beings" posing as victims to online strangers is important & she must not allow anyone to make a mess of her life which in turn will make a mess of her daughter too.

Do her a favor & let her out of the toture-cell you are keeping her in. She clearly overly stressed living with someone like you & the circumstances of the torture-cell that is making her act abnormal with her own child.

HOW to do it should not be difficult to find out if you have decided to let her free. Get a lawyer.

[SleekDesign]

Those adult guys that want to marry, keep a wife, make a family but can not provide a home to the wife & the future children actually are not suitable marriage candidates because they need to attain 'mental' maturity of a 'grown up man' which gives them natural 'instinct' of a 'grown up man' to provide their wife/future children a "HOME" to make a family. Those guys who do not have that instinct the of the 'grown up adult man' that makes them look at that necessity as the most important requirement to make a family must NOT marry & ruin lives of not only the girl they marry but their future children also.

Even those men who have attained that mental maturity to know that the basic thing required is a home to keep a wife, make a family but still do not have the means to provide must also NOT marry & ruin lives.

There are men that never reach that mental maturity of providing these basics but still go on a series of "wedding haul" (one wife after another) due to that mental IMMATURITY of an adult grown man still in them despite having the means must not marry & ruin so many lives. Similarly, the men without the means to provide that basic necessity also must not marry. Else you cannot avoid issues like these once married.

[Bobby1]

Slow down. It's Ramzan and it's not over yet. Make dua to Allah for change and for guidance (especially during Tahajjud) and try other interventions first. I'm not saying you should remain in this marriage. When you reach a point where you feel that it's dysfunctional beyond repair....then you can opt to leave her.....and if it comes to that, then please consult a lawyer first about custody especially if you can prove with evidence that she hits your daughter. But again...........for now..........slow down and try dua in combination of with other interventions (involving local Imam for counseling, etc).

Keep in mind that your daughter is at an age that is frustrating. Toddlers are not easy and it requires a lot of energy to take care of them. Your wife might be depressed or something could be frustrating her. Have you tried sitting down with and having a calm heart-to-heart discussion with her without blaming/accusing?

So far, you have ONLY told us about....HER. What about YOU? Are you absolutely 100% sure that YOU are not at fault at all and that your wife is completely satisfied with YOU? For example........if (let's say) she has post-partum depression....do you help her out at home with your daughter so that she can get a break and feel less overwhelmed? Have.......YOU BOTH........AS A COUPLE.......had some time to bond and connect with each other? For example, leaving your child with the grandparents while you and wife go on date night at least a couple of times each week? Have you tried doing nice things for her as a way to reconnect?


When someone tell you to leave your marriage and run for the hills.......keep one thing in mind, Bakra? It's ALWAYS going to be easier for THAT person to give you advice to walk out.......because it won't affect THEM in any way. For example, Bobby.........he never left his 1st wife even though he claims that she disrespected him for years. He still remained with her and ....then....found himself a 2nd wife who roped him into marriage by threatening to kill herself (smacks head).......but he still hasn't left the 1st wife. While he is always singing 2nd wifey's praises.....and ....will now and then praise the 1st wife, too............he still hasn't divorced the first wife. But he's now advising you to "run for the hills"......???? Why didn't HE run for the hills in his jawani when his own kids were toddlers and not the young adults that they are right now?

Point is.......it will always be easier for someone else to tell you to leave your marriage or even to stay within your marriage. But it's YOU that has to make a decision and it should not be done in a state when emotions are running high. You need to take some time to yourself and reflect over your own "rating" as a husband. Don't just focus on your wife's flaws. Be fair. You have many questions to think about? Is she satisfied with you? Is she going through depression? Does she need help at home? Are there other methods that can be tried before pulling the plug on this marriage? If it bothers you that she hits your daughter, will you be at peace knowing she'll get full custody or that you won't be around to prevent the hitting?

But especially in Ramzan, which should be a time for self-reflection and striving to become your best and having mercy/compassion for others, hold off on your divorce schemes.

If someone much larger and more powerful constantly remorselessly abuses you, would your response be to Oh!!! It’s Ramzan, make duaa, do Tahajudd. 2 year old is a helpless person, more than someone promoting themselves on basis of religion, this little person is in need of protection. Should abuse be allowed to continue untill self-reflection, duaa, Roza have been tried?

Abuse should be stopped instantly. If it was a one off, the person showed deep true remorse, promised this will never happen again then maybe there is a slight case of patching things up. However his efforts to protect the child are met with threats of false allegations against him.

I know you don’t have any real life experience, however when there are threats of false allegations, child abuse involved. There is no redemption.

[Exoduss]

Those adult guys that want to marry, keep a wife, make a family but can not provide a home to the wife & the future children actually are not suitable marriage candidates

I wouldn't provide you with a dog house let alone allowing you inside my premises. Apni kismut banana khud seekhein, relying on a man to provide is nothing but delusional on your part. Because hey, "Betiyan/Biwiyan tou apni kismut/naseeb khud laati hain"

But then again, if I had the means to even, I wouldn't let you in purely because of the stink you bring in with you

[SleekDesign]

What a sarak py bhonkta haraami pagal kutta that keeps barking on people for no reason. Whatever dreams you are dreaming must be the result of all the filth your wife feeding you.

I responded to the thread initiator's issue about his wife & all those females that are, for any personal reasons, dependent on men for their needs or "agree" to depend on a "man" & end up marrying a "homeless" man to themselves become homeless too. That is Pakistani culture. Parents give away their daughters without looking at important factors. The girls living comfortably in their parents house all of a sudden become house-less incase of a mismatch such as this. Just because parents are pressured into marrying girls so they overlook matters of importance that more than anything, an adult man looking to marry needs to own a house in order to keep/make the family that he would be making after marriage.

Wrote facts & reality certain girls have to face after marriage with a mismatch. Was neither speaking about myself nor my life story nor had any intention to make the readers assume it was about me because what I stated is not about me. Not asked or asking anyone for a house for myself, kuttay k bacchay, so stop barking on females you see online just because you know nothing better.

Tumko females pr bonkny ka kaafi experience hai. But I'm neither your daughter nor sister nor mother so muj pr bonkny ki zarurat nahi. No need to drag me in your personal house matters. Not interested one bit.

[Exoduss]

What a sarak py bhonkta haraami pagal kutta that keeps barking on people for no reason. Whatever dreams you are dreaming must be the result of all the filth your wife feeding you.

I responded to the thread initiator's issue about his wife & all those females that are, for any personal reasons, dependent on men for their needs. That is Pakistani culture. Parents give away their daughters without looking at important factors. The girls living comfortably in their parents house all of a sudden become house-less incase of a mismatch such as this. Wrote facts & reality certain girls have to face after marriage with a mismatch. Was neither speaking about myself nor my life story nor had any intention to make the readers assume it was about me because what I stated is not about me. Not asked or asking anyone for a house for myself, kuttay k bacchay, so stop barking on females you see online just because you know nothing better.

Tumko females pr bonkny ka kaafi experience hai. But I'm neither your daughter nor sister nor mother so muj pr bonkny ki zarurat nahi. No need to drag me in your personal house matters. Not interested one bit.

Sarak pe bhonkta kutta. Jo ke paagal bhi hai aur haraami bhi. Pehle tou shukriya itni saari izzut dene ka. Dusra sawal yeh uthta jub sub jaanti hou tou phir kyun majbur kur rahi hou ke main tumhe koi khaas khitaab de hi dun?

I don't think there is anything in my way that could prevent me from calling you out for the "heera mandi ki paidawar waali soch" that you clearly be keeping. Zehen nasheen rukhein urdu ka bhai pe kuch khaas sa haath hai. Bahut ganda bhi karunga aur phir zarurat pari tou nanga bhi kar dunga, or you could simply just keep the insults/abuse directed at me only. Up to yousss.

Waisay tumhari Mariyam Nawaz bhi tum jaisi hi nikli aakhir, apne driver ke saath hum-bistri kur li aur tumhare naa paak aur behuda shakal jaisa bara saa pregnant pait nikaal liya. It took her only four months post-marriage to come up with a daughter. I'm guessing you will take 2 at most?

All said and done, who is my wife though?

[SleekDesign]

Heera mandi k paydaaishi sbhi females ko apni maa, behan, beti ki trha he dikhti hn kyun k uss sy zyada unki oqaat nahi hoti kisi izzatdaar females ko dekha ho. Tau khud ki nazr ka gund unko hr female mn nazr ata hai. Tumhari language & every new post khud tumko "nanga" krti not anyone else. Majboori duur ki baat hai, tum pr took bhi nahi rahi mai. It is you who repeatedly keeps quoting my posts & addressing me when I am not even addressing you, responding to you or even read your posts despite all the previous warning not to address or respond to my posts. All the titles I have given you are out of majboori because you drag me into your personal house matters with your own mother, sister or daughter & I am totally not interested so stop dragging me.

& the fact you choose last ashura of Ramadan to throw your filth at other females leaves no doubt that you are a kafir not a muslim. Only a kafir could disrespect Ramadan by attacking strange females for no reason. Tum jese heera mandi ki paydaaish ko apni qabron ki fikr hoti bhi nahi k Ramadan ka khayal ho. Itna shoq ho raha hai khoon k aansu ronay ka tau ja k apni maa, behan, beti ko nanga kro. Sirf jahannami today hn khoon k aansu. Tum ronay waalay ho... along with those on whose behalf you keep attacking me. Mark my word.

I do not belong to the jahannum you call your household so stop dragging me in. Itna baysharam koi musalman nahi ho skta jo strange females ko baghyr kisi waja k attack kry jo uspr thook bhi nahi rahi. mujecapni aakhrat azeez hai so I leave you to keep making your own self "nanga" with your words despite your desperate attempts to engage me in it upon orders from the GOD you worship - SATAN. I surely am not at the receiving end of your "nangi language". It will be females of your own house. FO

[Exoduss]

Heera mandi k paydaaishi sbhi females ko apni maa, behan, beti ki trha he dikhti hn kyun k uss sy zyada unki oqaat nahi hoti kisi izzatdaar females ko dekha ho. Tau khud ki nazr ka gund unko hr female mn nazr ata hai. Tumhari language & every new post khud tumko "nanga" krti not anyone else. Majboori duur ki baat hai, tum pr took bhi nahi rahi mai. It is you who repeatedly keeps quoting my posts & addressing me when I am not even addressing you, responding to you or even read your posts despite all the previous warning not to address or respond to my posts. All the titles I have given you are out of majboori because you drag me into your personal house matters with your own mother, sister or daughter & I am totally not interested so stop dragging me.

& the fact you choose last ashura of Ramadan to throw your filth at other females leaves no doubt that you are a kafir not a muslim. Only a kafir could disrespect Ramadan by attacking strange females for no reason. Tum jese heera mandi ki paydaaish ko apni qabron ki fikr hoti bhi nahi k Ramadan ka khayal ho. Itna shoq ho raha hai khoon k aansu ronay ka tau ja k apni maa, behan, beti ko nanga kro. Sirf jahannami today hn khoon k aansu. Tum ronay waalay ho... along with those on whose behalf you keep attacking me. Mark my word.

I do not belong to the jahannum you call your household so stop dragging me in. Itna baysharam koi musalman nahi ho skta jo strange females ko baghyr kisi waja k attack kry jo uspr thook bhi nahi rahi. mujecapni aakhrat azeez hai so I leave you to keep making your own self "nanga" with your words despite your desperate attempts to engage me in it upon orders from the GOD you worship - SATAN. I surely am not at the receiving end of your "nangi language". It will be females of your own house. FO

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

Don't use urdu just for the sake of using it, please. Think of it as my second mother.

[decentGuy]

I wish there were moderators on this forum who would just ban the offenders for couple of months.

[redvelvet]

Well, that derailed pretty quickly.

Keeping with the current flow of things here, bas ElmaJohn ki kasar baqi rehti hai.

[Bakra24]

Slow down. It's Ramzan and it's not over yet. Make dua to Allah for change and for guidance (especially during Tahajjud) and try other interventions first. I'm not saying you should remain in this marriage. When you reach a point where you feel that it's dysfunctional beyond repair....then you can opt to leave her.....and if it comes to that, then please consult a lawyer first about custody especially if you can prove with evidence that she hits your daughter. But again...........for now..........slow down and try dua in combination of with other interventions (involving local Imam for counseling, etc).

Keep in mind that your daughter is at an age that is frustrating. Toddlers are not easy and it requires a lot of energy to take care of them. Your wife might be depressed or something could be frustrating her. Have you tried sitting down with and having a calm heart-to-heart discussion with her without blaming/accusing?

So far, you have ONLY told us about....HER. What about YOU? Are you absolutely 100% sure that YOU are not at fault at all and that your wife is completely satisfied with YOU? For example........if (let's say) she has post-partum depression....do you help her out at home with your daughter so that she can get a break and feel less overwhelmed? Have.......YOU BOTH........AS A COUPLE.......had some time to bond and connect with each other? For example, leaving your child with the grandparents while you and wife go on date night at least a couple of times each week? Have you tried doing nice things for her as a way to reconnect?


When someone tell you to leave your marriage and run for the hills.......keep one thing in mind, Bakra? It's ALWAYS going to be easier for THAT person to give you advice to walk out.......because it won't affect THEM in any way. For example, Bobby.........he never left his 1st wife even though he claims that she disrespected him for years. He still remained with her and ....then....found himself a 2nd wife who roped him into marriage by threatening to kill herself (smacks head).......but he still hasn't left the 1st wife. While he is always singing 2nd wifey's praises.....and ....will now and then praise the 1st wife, too............he still hasn't divorced the first wife. But he's now advising you to "run for the hills"......???? Why didn't HE run for the hills in his jawani when his own kids were toddlers and not the young adults that they are right now?

Point is.......it will always be easier for someone else to tell you to leave your marriage or even to stay within your marriage. But it's YOU that has to make a decision and it should not be done in a state when emotions are running high. You need to take some time to yourself and reflect over your own "rating" as a husband. Don't just focus on your wife's flaws. Be fair. You have many questions to think about? Is she satisfied with you? Is she going through depression? Does she need help at home? Are there other methods that can be tried before pulling the plug on this marriage? If it bothers you that she hits your daughter, will you be at peace knowing she'll get full custody or that you won't be around to prevent the hitting?

But especially in Ramzan, which should be a time for self-reflection and striving to become your best and having mercy/compassion for others, hold off on your divorce schemes.

Well the only reason why I'm even contemplating divorce is that I cannot stay with her for my mental sake. She continues to thrash my daughter verbally and physically and she's only 2 and a half years old. If my parents intervene and tell her to calm down she starts fighting with them. She picks on the tiniest mistakes my daughter makes and then makes a huge deal. This is simply not the behavior I can tolerate. I need to look out for my own mental sake. She gets mad when my daughter refuses to eat and she tells her "I'll bury you in the grave if you don't eat this". I told her multiple times to not take the child eating seriously. Children are fussy eaters when they're young. She's only two and a half years old. She's not malnutrition, she's not sick. Why then do you make such a huge deal about her not eating. She gets on her period and this is the time that I feel most of the fights arguments start. She gets agitated and takes her anger out on my daughter. If my daughter makes a mistake, she'll squeeze her cheeks really hard making her cry. After that when my daughter gets agitated and angry and starts throwing thing, she'll slap her and make her angrier even more. That's when my parents will intervene ands he'll say "She's my daughter I've given birth to her, I can do whatever I like". I've reached out to my in laws and they've responded "You're an american, you have an american mentality, in Pakistan we beat kids." and that is the most disgusting response I could've received from a human being. I've asked her multiple times to go to her parents house and leave me and that we should get a divorce but she doesn't and I repeat DOES NOT want to leave me. I don't understand why she's acting like this. I always take care of her needs, I make sure never to raise my voice at her. I make sure that we never even fight in the room. When she gets mad I try to console her and try to calm her down. But this is taking a huge told on my mental ability. I've started losing hair. I can't focus on my job. I have a job offer and I'm so mentally distraught that I can't even work on my resume... She sucks all the life out of me. I feel as if my whole body is litt up every time she's arguing and fighting.

The only other option for me is to get another apartment and leave her alone one day and just move and not tell her. I can't deal with this, I've never had this before and Im starting to have suicidal thoughts because I can't make her understand or understand why she does this....