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    Marriage

    I happen to know a friend who has two kids and lives in Canada. He is Alhamdullillah happily married, some days ago, he called me and casually mentioned that he loves his family to death and he himself, is very religious person mindful of his responsibilities, as much as I know him. The thing that he he is a little worried about his temptation or his urge to have a second partner in his life. He doesn't want to give anything that he has now just to have a second wife i.e. having a nikkah to a widow, an infertile woman or a woman who is in need of a partner (obviously under the table). Now my question is, people around us have stayed in unfaithful marriages, then why is it okay for some women to have husbands who cheat on regular basis vs having husbands that wish to be married to someone else too. Just a little perspective, he is a gem of a person professionally and socially and MashaAllah the vibe you get from his beautiful family is amazing.

    P.S. Just a request, please don't cancel me on bringing that topic up.
    The key to success is Sanu Ki

    #2
    I'm quoting myself here from another thread:

    Originally posted by decentGuy View Post
    There are several cultural reasons for that push back.

    1- Muslims who have grown up in countries where polygamy is forbidden by law haven’t witnessed any concurrent marriages in their community so they don’t really grasp the concept. Historically speaking, monogamy has never existed in human societies. Societies with absolute prohibitions are a historical anomaly, not the norm.

    2- More important thing is, since it is outlawed in the countries where these people live, therefore, considering its benefits only increases cognitive dissonance so why support something one couldn’t benefit from anyway.

    3- Many men in a position to get a second wife find it much easier to divorce their first wife so they are not bothered by her later on.

    In my opinion, FWIW, the real choice is never between monogamy and polygamy, rather it is between marriage and extramarital relations. We all know of men who are married and develop mutual interest with another woman. Countries where polygamy is outlawed, there is no option for those men but to divorce the first wife to be able to marry again. Or continue onward forming extramarital relations.

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      #3
      Bechara friend of yours and his struggle of self-control. His wife should be oh so grateful, he wants to marry someone and not just have an affair, someone hot though, none of the undesirables. After all, look at all these women who stay in marriages where their husbands are not faithful, not like we live in a society where divorced women are looked down upon or anything. Since the women stay, they are just asking for it. The men's hands are tied! They have no choice but to be unfaithful.. damn these societies and their ban on polygamy. What a cruel world. Woe to the men, the nobles, the gems.
      Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

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        #4
        Originally posted by aqua70 View Post
        Bechara friend of yours and his struggle of self-control. His wife should be oh so grateful, he wants to marry someone and not just have an affair, someone hot though, none of the undesirables. After all, look at all these women who stay in marriages where their husbands are not faithful, not like we live in a society where divorced women are looked down upon or anything. Since the women stay, they are just asking for it. The men's hands are tied! They have no choice but to be unfaithful.. damn these societies and their ban on polygamy. What a cruel world. Woe to the men, the nobles, the gems.
        So here's the thing. I have a queue of questions I've lined up to ask God. Say for example; if he considered himself a feminist. Perhaps, you could ask him to explain it to you why men have been allowed four wives? The question has all the merits to be asked, by all means

        Would you rather choose a man who openly discusses his urges with you, or someone who goes around cheating behind your back?

        As has been said before, appreciate people tryna open up to you instead of cancelling them out

        One man and his urges do not speak for all existing men!

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          #5
          Originally posted by Santiago TheShepherd View Post
          I happen to know a friend who has two kids and lives in Canada. He is Alhamdullillah happily married, some days ago, he called me and casually mentioned that he loves his family to death and he himself, is very religious person mindful of his responsibilities, as much as I know him. The thing that he he is a little worried about his temptation or his urge to have a second partner in his life. He doesn't want to give anything that he has now just to have a second wife i.e. having a nikkah to a widow, an infertile woman or a woman who is in need of a partner (obviously under the table). Now my question is, people around us have stayed in unfaithful marriages, then why is it okay for some women to have husbands who cheat on regular basis vs having husbands that wish to be married to someone else too. Just a little perspective, he is a gem of a person professionally and socially and MashaAllah the vibe you get from his beautiful family is amazing.
          As much as I get where your friend is coming from knowing about all the niceness and successes revolving around him. It still is a tough pill to swallow for any individual to picture their partner wanting a second one

          Would you or your friend be okay if your wife wanted the same under the exact same pretext or circumstances? I'd bet my car on a straight up no if you asked him

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