Divorce and other issues

[pelicanbay]

Me and my separated spouse have decided to call it quits. We exhausted all available options.

My question is how do I go through a divorce while dealing with other issues ie: mental/physical health and social issues

I know divorce is hard but how do I deal with it when I already have other lingering issues? I feel like I will not be able to cope and just collapse or worse, my life will cease/end. What tools and methods can I use to prepare myself?

[krash]

Seek therapy from a professional

[The Last Straw]

My question is how do I go through a divorce while dealing with other issues ie: mental/physical health and social issues

I know divorce is hard but how do I deal with it when I already have other lingering issues? I feel like I will not be able to cope and just collapse or worse, my life will cease/end. What tools and methods can I use to prepare myself?

Hundreds and thousands of people in this world are facing a full plate of multiple problems......you are not the only one. Some of those problems or stressors are short-term ones that get resolved in a relatively short amount of time, and other problems will take a longer time to be resolved or to at least get under control.

Health issues, for example, don't go away over night. Weight loss and inflammation and anxiety disorder and insomnia and digestive issues and chronic aches and pains.......do not....disappear overnight. It takes time. Stressing out about them is only going to make it worse.

You need to understand that you're not the "special case" that you seem to believe that you are. You need to understand that there are countless other people that are dealing with the demise of a marriage, and health issues, and job demands, and financial obligations, and possibly debt, ....and those that have children (which you don't) tend to have an even tougher divorce. You are also not the only human being in this world facing a tough rishta market. The reality is that there are scores of people younger than you (in their 20s) and more qualified than you that are either being swiping left or being ghosted numerous times in their quest to find the right partner. You are certainly not the only Desi person facing social rejection from other Desis.......because one of the things that Desis do best......is to find various reasons to reject and ostracize other people and they will do it for reasons that are beyond one's control. Desis will exclude you if you are not married, they will exclude you if you are divorced, they will exclude you if you don't have kids, they will exclude you because you don't have a certain social status or lead a certain lifestyle......and frankly speaking.....exclusion is better better than fake friendships. See, you don't need to commit any ghalati in your past to be excluded by the Desi lot....they can reject you for lesser reasons.

I recognize you. Look at this forum. How many pieces of advice did your question receive? Very little. That's because there is very little traffic on Gupshup. On most days, there are just 2-4 active members. You are not likely to get a variety of advice or even motivation from the Life Forum on Gupshup these days.......nor are we professional counselors or therapists. And I have to agree with Krash above....you may need a counselor. If the counselors in the past have not worked for you, try a different one. I would recommend that you try a Muslim counselor because a Muslim counselor will give practical suggestions as well as emphasize the importance of praying and doing dhikr and having tawakkal in Allah because those things are necessary to keep yourself mentally and emotionally anchored. A counselor can equip you with strategies to use when you're feeling anxiety/panic, can help you to look forward instead of focusing on past mistakes, and can help you increase your confidence so that you're able to look at things from a more balanced (and not negative/skewed) perspective.

It may help if you stop setting a date or time for your problems to get resolved because it doesn't always work that way. Understand that goals such as achieving optimal health, becoming professional and financially secure, and finding a spouse.....are ALL things that will take time and Allah has a set time for those things. In the mean-time....make short term goals for yourself that are achievable and a counselor/therapist can help you with that. A boss once told me, "Take care of the little things first and it will all come together." It was sage advice. We get so mentally overwhelmed by focusing on the results. Just take things 1 day at a time. Sometimes you may even have to take it 1 hour at a time. But break your goals down into smaller achievable steps. Along side that, keep up your namaz and I would suggest reciting istighfar and durood becaue these 2 adhkar are known to help with the kinds of issues you're dealing with. You can recite istighfar and durood as you drive to work, as you're driving around, as you're washing the dishes, doing the laundry. Aim for 100 istifghfar and 100 times durood shuroof each day. If you're able to get up for tahajjud...do so. It can be hard to wake up for Tahajjud, but you can start off by praying tahajjud 10-15 minutes before Fajr which is easier. Combine your practical efforts with spirituality to keep yourself anchored.

The help you need cannot be found on the forum. And you know that I've suggested the above tips to you before. Stop focusing on the past, which can't be undone. Stop fearing the future that you cannot see because you are not God. Stop fearing the opinion and judgment of other Desis who have their own share of sins and mistakes. Just take it 1 day at a time....or 1 hour at a time...and do the things that need to get done...break things into smaller achievable tasks. Stop having this "I'm such a special case and there is no worse case than me, oh woe is me" attitude. You're really not all that special and believe it or not, there are people dealing with much, much, much worse than you. Look at ALL the blessings Allah has given you do genuine shukr for them every day and inshAllah He will bless you with more. And keep up with your ibadat so that you remain spiritually anchored.

[decentGuy]

Sorry to hear that. The blessing in disguise here is that you are no longer in a suspended and indecisive state. You should focus on your physical health. Start with going for walks or some other light exercise. Physical health drives mental health. It is ok to grief over the loss, but what is gone is gone. Now your focus should be on the future. I recently came across the following talk, which may help you, by a very famous Indian actor whom we all may be familiar with: