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Is Age Truly Just a Number?

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    Is Age Truly Just a Number?

    What does an ideal partner look like for you, age wise?
    What is your relationship/attraction pattern, do you mostly gear towards older, younger, or people close to your age?
    Which age group typically approaches you?

    What is the maximum, healthy age difference in relationships?
    Does compatibility depend on age?
    Which relationship conflicts are based on age differences?

    Both married and unmarried input is welcome.

    Discuss!
    Last edited by Cashmere; Mar 13, 2022, 05:39 PM.
    "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

    #2
    I notice there is no 'marriage' word in your post. Maybe you're keeping it broader. But I'll speak in terms of marriage as I do not believe a 'relationship' can be stable as a marriage.

    The two can look best or worst together but without mental compatibility, there's no stability in marriage. Natural age difference (older men/younger women) provide better mental compatibility.

    I typically avoid men with 'jahil-woman's syndrome'. ill, negative gossip, back biting causing fights between loving families, revenge tactics at perceived offences, humiliating someone with something they shared due to trust by sharing it with the whole world just to feel better in themselves, to satisfy the 'jaahil-woman' in them but assume they did something 'manly'. All of those & many more is 'jaahil woman's syndrome.

    Men who take women as guy, bhens, bakri & herd them as such. Real men don't do that because they're not insecure in themselves. The 'snake' personalities. As we say, 'Aasteen ka saanmp". All these are 'red flag' to me.
    Last edited by SleekDesign; Mar 14, 2022, 01:05 AM.

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      #3
      Typed out a whole rant but then decided I have no input on the subject after all.
      Last edited by aqua70; Mar 14, 2022, 12:42 AM.
      Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

      Comment


      • Cashmere
        Cashmere commented
        Editing a comment
        AHH- How am I going to sleep tonight, knowing that an essay was backspaced? tell me please!

      • aqua70
        aqua70 commented
        Editing a comment
        Haha Cashmere ok just for you! The summary of my essay was that women are attracted to older men because they crave maturity and stability but older men who are into younger women are immature and unstable. Of course, there are exceptions but they are far and few in between.

      #4
      When Harris's club ran the half Marathon a 60-year-old woman beat the entire club handily, they were all provincial athletes. If we take care of ourselves, we can stay strong and healthy for a long time. Arranged marriages are like trying to cross the autobahn blindfolded. Mostly seeing them end in a big disaster.

      Comment


        #5
        It’s not just a number, is it? When you have fill out certain documents and select you age-range, your age is not a just a number then. When it comes to health and the likelihood of certain illnesses and the need for certain tests, age is not just a number. And in the rishta meat-market, when a woman in her 30’s (let say) finds it hard to find a guy that is her age because the guys that ARE her age (and their mommas) want someone several years younger, age is not just a number is it? When it comes to the issue of it being harder or easier for a woman to conceive a baby, age is not just a number is it? I have seen and heard cases of where girls/women were rejected for being a few days/weeks/months or just a year older than the guy and at that time their age was used against them.

        There was a guppy, who said that when you have an age gap of 10+ years, now you’re dealing with a generational gap which can make it difficult to form a connection. I agree with him. Does that hold tru for every couple with a large age difference? No. Exceptions will always exist.

        Exceptions will always exist to everything that I’ve said above.

        I have friends who insist on marrying a guy that is 7 to 10 years older. That is what they are attracted to. Personally, that kind of gap does not appeal to me. I am wary of large gaps where the girl is considerably older than the guy. Does it work for some? Sure. Again, exceptions will exist. I prefer closer to my age, give or take a couple a years, but closer to my age so that the other person is more relatable. Then, of course, you have to factor in personality, temperament, values, interests, and all that stuff that will make or break an equation.

        Hi Frendzz! I am a multi of a multi of a multi of a multi of a multi!

        Comment


          #6
          Originally posted by The Last Straw View Post
          It’s not just a number, is it? When you have fill out certain documents and select you age-range, your age is not a just a number then. When it comes to health and the likelihood of certain illnesses and the need for certain tests, age is not just a number. And in the rishta meat-market, when a woman in her 30’s (let say) finds it hard to find a guy that is her age because the guys that ARE her age (and their mommas) want someone several years younger, age is not just a number is it? When it comes to the issue of it being harder or easier for a woman to conceive a baby, age is not just a number is it? I have seen and heard cases of where girls/women were rejected for being a few days/weeks/months or just a year older than the guy and at that time their age was used against them.

          There was a guppy, who said that when you have an age gap of 10+ years, now you’re dealing with a generational gap which can make it difficult to form a connection. I agree with him. Does that hold tru for every couple with a large age difference? No. Exceptions will always exist.

          Exceptions will always exist to everything that I’ve said above.

          I have friends who insist on marrying a guy that is 7 to 10 years older. That is what they are attracted to. Personally, that kind of gap does not appeal to me. I am wary of large gaps where the girl is considerably older than the guy. Does it work for some? Sure. Again, exceptions will exist. I prefer closer to my age, give or take a couple a years, but closer to my age so that the other person is more relatable. Then, of course, you have to factor in personality, temperament, values, interests, and all that stuff that will make or break an equation.
          So if you have a choice between a very fit 43 year old who lifts, runs, is active, hikes, bikes etc or a 33 old couch potatoe with moobs who cant climb 3 floors..I guess you are choosing the 33 year old then?

          Dont worry about finding men in the older bracket, those boys are coming back to the market as damaged goods. All the young desis I was asked to envy for their amazing partners are now divorced and back in the market, many rushing to find submissive wives in Pak.

          Judging people by age is ageism, as long as there is free consent and no compulsion than noone has the right to judge. There have been lots of hollywood marriages with big age gaps. Sam is gorgeous, skinny much younger and yet when I took her hiking once, I literally had to carry her. It was really tough for her to swing the axe to chop wood, she learned to butcher though.

          It is illegal to ask applicants age in this country, there is no mandatory retirement age also. Alot of times DOB is needed for identification.
          Last edited by Bobby1; Mar 14, 2022, 04:04 PM.

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          • The Last Straw
            The Last Straw commented
            Editing a comment
            I knew you would quote me. Plenty of your former posts have used age to insult others. Cure the ageism in yourself.

          #7
          Can we have a polite discussion without pointing fingers and bringing others down, for once?

          Bobby1 please be respectful. We should not be using people's opinions to judge their lives.
          "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

          Comment


            #8
            Originally posted by Cashmere View Post
            Can we have a polite discussion without pointing fingers and bringing others down, for once?

            Bobby1 please be respectful. We should not be using people's opinions to judge their lives.
            Can you please point out the specific sentence where I was disrespectful, or impolite? Where we are in our life is a direct result of our choices which result from our opinions and beliefs.

            Comment


            • Cashmere
              Cashmere commented
              Editing a comment
              I guess a better way to put it would be: your first paragraph is aiming towards TLS and assuming she'd choose a slob over someone healthy. You didn't have to quote her, is what I meant. I'm looking forward to input from both of you minus the going-back-in-forth

            • Bobby1
              Bobby1 commented
              Editing a comment
              That was her stated position where she did not qualify age with fitness, class, culture, financial stability. I guess those are personal choices and we are all free to make those choices.

            • The Last Straw
              The Last Straw commented
              Editing a comment
              Why is it so necessary to spell out those things in order for the reader to know that those things will ALSO be considered? Is the reader a child or stupid? Of course I will consider fitness and health and financial stability.

              It’s story time. A friend of mine recently got divorced and she prefers to find a guy that is younger. Another mutual friend of ours, who is a doctor, made a ridiculous comment. The latter said that the divorced woman must choose between a guy that is older but will be more mature and help around the house ...or....pick a younger guy who is attractive but won’t help around the home. It was the most absurd thing I had heard and I responded with ....”Why are those her only options? Are those the only 2 combinations of men left for her? Can she not find a younger guy that is attractive and also domesticated?” Doctor Sahiba did not have a response to that. I guess stupidity transcends degree and wealth (even if obtained thru real-estate). The 2 options you’ve put forth are not the only categories of men that exist in the world. Plenty of older-aged couch potatoes and younger guys that are otherwise.
              Last edited by The Last Straw; Mar 14, 2022, 07:31 PM.

            #9
            Age is not just a number, and it's quite sexist too. Men of all ages find women in a certain age range very attractive. I think younger women are harder to get but easier to keep, while women with small age difference are easier to get but harder to keep. Women mostly like leaders, men who can see farther ahead than she can and make right decisions for her. Only a man with much more experience will be able to do that, while the one who has about the same experience as the woman will never be able to do that hence will not be accepted as a leader which results in constant fights and unstable marriages.

            Comment


              #10
              I get a lot of interest from ones younger than me, which I find absolutely cringeworthy because I can barely relate to guys my age so going younger will be a nightmare. Far too immature for my understanding. As I'm starting to think about this, I'd vouch for an older husband too. Someone that can protect me, and lead me through in general. Problem is, older ones avoid me like the plaque. I wish I knew why. So, lose-lose situation here.

              The question I want to ask is, why would someone avoid a younger prospect?
              "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

              Comment


              • Cashmere
                Cashmere commented
                Editing a comment
                Both ways:
                Why would an older woman avoid a younger guy and vice versa? Is it a result of social upbringing? But then you see a lot of people do it , in the west too?

              • The Last Straw
                The Last Straw commented
                Editing a comment
                It also depends on how much younger, Cash.

                There can be issues with maturity, with priorities. Considerably younger guys have been attracted to me as well, but they were also lacking in maturity. Sure, we had some intelligent and fun conversations, but that kiddish immaturity would also blindingly shine through. And yes, older guys can be immature as well...gotta add that disclaimer....I feel like we always have to add disclaimers or someone will pounce on it.

                Our insides tend to squirm when we see an older guy with a much younger woman (Aamir Liaqat, for example) and also when we see an older woman with a guy that looks soo young in comparison to her that we wonder ..is that her son? wait no...her brother? You just stare at the couple as your brain tries to make sense of their jori and the weirdest questions come to mind. I know I've done that ...I've stared/gawked...and wondered who-tha-what-tha-how-tha-why-tha-....and you can attribute it to societal/media conditioning, but I am no saint. Another disclaimer: People can squirm and gawk at couples for reasons other than huge age disparity. I don't want that for myself. Yes, regular exercise and a healthy diet go a long way, but none of us have prevailed over gravity and the natural process of aging...all those signs (wrinkles, sagging, etc) will manifest themselves despite your best efforts. I feel that when you are with a guy that is much, much, much younger than you, it's likely to make you even more obsessed about the way you look and that's not a healthy mindset to be in. Another disclaimer: Yes men that are your age and older can be distracted by other women as well. Also factor into the equation the different changes that a woman's body goes through as she grows older that can also affect the marital equation.

                I'm not saying that such relationships can't work. They can and do for some. They're halal and jaiz, too. But unless the younger guy is someone who is very mature and not shallow, I think that it will be harder especially with a wider age difference.

              • Cashmere
                Cashmere commented
                Editing a comment
                The disclaimer thing is real. It's been this way since I registered and made a few comments which led to multiple people ranting that I'm "generalizing" < I was like, dude....we ALL generalize. That's how humans process information, and retain it. DUH. Without generalizations we'd have a list of facts and no real conclusion. I know there are exceptions to EVERYTHING but I am sick and tired of people highlighting that miniscule 1% exception.

                Now that this is off my chest-phew-
                I agree with boys being childish and immature in a certain age group. Unless you worked since you were 16, had responsibilities that enabled your emotional growth, we can't be friends so stay away from me. Good points overall, I completely agree The Last Straw
                Last edited by Cashmere; Mar 16, 2022, 01:16 PM. Reason: expresso shot hasn't kicked in yet

              #11
              Originally posted by The Last Straw View Post
              Why is it so necessary to spell out those things in order for the reader to know that those things will also be considered? Is the reader a child or stupid? Of course I will consider fitness and health and financial stability.

              Its story time. A friend of mine recently got divorced and she prefers to find a guy that is younger. Another mutual friend of ours, who is a doctor, made a ridiculous comment. The latter said that the divorced woman must choose between a guy that is older but will be more mature and help around the house ...or....pick a younger guy who is attractive but wont help around the home. It was the most absurd thing I had head and I responded with ....Are those her only options? Are those the only 2 combinations of men left for her? Can she not find a younger guy that is attractive and also domesticate? Doctor Sahiba did not have a response to that. I guess stupidity transcends degree and wealth (even if obtained thru real-estate). The 2 options youve put forth are not the only combination of men that exist in the world.
              I really like to take people for what they write and say on a consistent basis. Many have a history of ageism on this forum, and I have seen many rishtas refused for dumber reasons, caste, creed etc. One of the biggest reasons for not finding the right partner is unrealistic expectations. One has to be very realistic about what they have to offer and what they are looking for and how do they add value to themselves that a person they are looking for would be interested in them.

              Just a question, please dont take it the wrong way...your friend that was looking for the amazing young husband, what did she bring to the table? Relationships are an exchange of value. What value did she bring where this young, handsome, domesticated, mature young man would chose her. If she was able to get what she was looking for than her expectations were right and if she didnt than her expectations were unrealistic. It doesn't have to be that she is really good looking, maybe she is very kind, funny etc!

              These things need to be planned and worked on and we can all add value to ourselves. I had seen the trend where women are financially independent and are looking for handsome, kind, charming men and that is the focus of my upbringing where they look as good as possible.

              There are many other factors which are not suitable for a Pakistani forum.

              Comment


              • The Last Straw
                The Last Straw commented
                Editing a comment
                I am not answering your question. Not because I can’t. Not because my friend is deficient because she isn’t. It’s because those of us that have been on GS for years know that you have an obsession with what others bring to the table and what they don’t. Literally, you’re obsessed with this.....so much so that you have often made judgments about which members have nothing to offer and which do. Mostly those members which respond to you with more grace and patience than myself are judged more favorably. So I am going to leave your question unanswered. What she or any of us bring to the table is none of your concern.

              #12
              How does our parents' compatibility compare to that of today? Our parents' marriages mostly consist of an older man and a younger woman.
              "Brevity is the soul of wit." Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

              Comment


                #13
                Originally posted by Cashmere View Post
                How does our parents' compatibility compare to that of today? Our parents' marriages mostly consist of an older man and a younger woman.
                My observation with my kids and their friends is that there is a generation gap every four years. Safy's entire group is totally different from Harris. Most parents compared to younger people are a different planet all together. Safy's group was all about girls, Harris's group, guys hang out and they want nothing to do with girls. With my nephews, girls are the bosses at home and they are incharge of major decisions and morality and boys are supporting roles.

                Comment


                • Cashmere
                  Cashmere commented
                  Editing a comment
                  With the evergrowing technical advancements and personal growth opportunities being offered at the moment, I'm sure even a 5 year age gap is slightly too much for kids these days.

                #14
                Originally posted by decentGuy View Post
                Age is not just a number, and it's quite sexist too. Men of all ages find women in a certain age range very attractive. I think younger women are harder to get but easier to keep, while women with small age difference are easier to get but harder to keep. Women mostly like leaders, men who can see farther ahead than she can and make right decisions for her. Only a man with much more experience will be able to do that, while the one who has about the same experience as the woman will never be able to do that hence will not be accepted as a leader which results in constant fights and unstable marriages.
                You really need to upgrade your software sir.......Women now are the leaders of households in west.
                A new survey finds that in 43% of all couples it’s the woman who makes decisions in more areas than the man. By contrast, men make more of the decisions in only about a quarter of all couples.

                Comment


                  #15
                  Realistically speaking in this world:

                  Does age matter in relationships? (Unfortunately) yes.

                  Ideally speaking,

                  Should age matter? Hell to the no.

                  Al Chemia is all whats moi importante.

                  but well what do i know. I'm only the founder of break da taboo, shake da norms movement so will always be on the liberal side of life1 el tema
                  Attitude is more important than facts.
                  "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

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