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    when asked about relationships from a guy, he tells you he never had any relationship but tells you he had done oral sex in his uni time but then he claims he didnt go next level which i find odd I think he is lying. Then he mentioned he is divorced & they were together for few months but since girl was forced into marriage so they never did the "deed". Which I again think he is lying.

    I talked to my friend & he said a guy telling you he had oral sex is disgusting in itself & if he did that act then its degrading for the girl & not good at all hence that guy is begairat.

    What you guys think?

    #2
    I wouldn't dwell on the past too much, wveryone has history. The only guys who dont have previous relationships are losers who no one wants. Human intimacy takes many parts and nothing is disguting, only thing disgusting is the notion that one is too good or better if they prefer or not prefer some acts. Communication is the key, his past has nothing to do with you, all you should worry about is the future. Many who never had any relationships are total jerks, many who had past relationships are amazing. Mostly you should worry about if your personalities and future plans are matching.

    Comment


      #3
      I have become less judgmental about people since joining GS, bec. I’ve realized that who knows what someone may have gone through to have made certain choices in life. However, both prospective partners should give complete and honest declarations about their situation very early on.

      I’m wondering if the guy hid the 1st marriage intentionally or was the Never Married status of the guy just an assumption. If it was intentionally hidden then that is terrible. It definitely raises the question as to what else he is hiding. I’m not talking about intimate details about his past relationship(s), but the general nature and number of past relationships. I believe a more “experienced” partner is a double edged sword. If the more experienced partner is positive, they can make the life of the less experienced partner easier by helping them figure out things they would’ve taken years on their own. But if they are negative, they can ruin the less experienced partner emotionally.

      Sometimes we have to rely on our gut feelings about people. I think you should ask yourself if you would buy a used car from this guy if he was selling one. If not, then he is no good. Otherwise, there is a possibility he is not that bad.

      Comment


        #4
        Ok.

        I couldn't count all my pre-marital affairs by memory even if tried hard, so I must have turned out to be a very bad husband!

        Oh wait.....
        I spent most of my money on my wife, and the rest? I wasted.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by toobah View Post
          when asked about relationships from a guy, he tells you he never had any relationship but tells you he had done oral sex in his uni time but then he claims he didnt go next level which i find odd I think he is lying. Then he mentioned he is divorced & they were together for few months but since girl was forced into marriage so they never did the "deed". Which I again think he is lying.

          I talked to my friend & he said a guy telling you he had oral sex is disgusting in itself & if he did that act then its degrading for the girl & not good at all hence that guy is begairat.

          What you guys think?
          I think there are conflicts on both sides.

          He said he didnt have relationships and then he was divorced as well?!! what the bleep. He better make up his mind. Together for few months but never did the deed? Ok!! what were they doing then, praying tahajjud together?

          On the other hand I dont agree with your friend and his judgements. A guy opening up with you doesnt make him disgusting or "begairat". What would you prefer instead, lie about it and pretend innocent?
          Attitude is more important than facts.
          "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by SID_NY View Post

            I think there are conflicts on both sides.

            He said he didnt have relationships and then he was divorced as well?!! what the bleep. He better make up his mind. Together for few months but never did the deed? Ok!! what were they doing then, praying tahajjud together?

            On the other hand I dont agree with your friend and his judgements. A guy opening up with you doesnt make him disgusting or "begairat". What would you prefer instead, lie about it and pretend innocent?
            You think couples do the deed even though one party was forced into marriage (girl) ? How can they do the deed when there is no emotional involvement & girl might be into someone else? According to what you said its likely that they have done "it" but if they have done it then why they got divorced. Wouldnt this thing make them like each other or atleast develop some affection or should I assume they were just animals fulfilling their needs :/

            Comment


            • The Last Straw
              The Last Straw commented
              Editing a comment
              Not necessarily. Couples who have slept with each get divorced right, left, and center.


              Sometimes people decide to eat only a few bites of the chocolate cake instead of eating all of it. So, maybe he really did stop at oral sex and didn't go beyond that. Or maybe he's lying and he has had sex. Only Allah knows and even we cannot tell you what the truth is because we don't know him.

              If this was a rishta that you are seriously considering for marriage, then it would make more sense for you to analyze him. If you have a genuine interest in this guy, even then it would make more sense for you to analyze him.

              But if you are not interested in him and you do not trust him, then what benefit (yes, benefit) is to be gained from dissecting his words and his past? It's a futile exercise.

              It's important that you and the guy you marry are both on the same page in terms of moral values. Oral sex is not zina, BUT, oral sex is considered as coming close to zina. Allah has told us in the Quran to not even come close to zina. So this guy came close to zina and that is something that you do not condone. If this guy has shared this with you and did not mention that he felt any remorse for the oral sex, then that means you both are not on the same page with your moral values. So, let him go and move on.

            #7
            Originally posted by toobah View Post

            You think couples do the deed even though one party was forced into marriage (girl) ? How can they do the deed when there is no emotional involvement & girl might be into someone else? According to what you said its likely that they have done "it" but if they have done it then why they got divorced. Wouldnt this thing make them like each other or atleast develop some affection or should I assume they were just animals fulfilling their needs :/
            did the girl tell you that? No the guy did, so its completely one-sided story to begin with. Then on one side the guy is bragging about his oral experiences and at the same time denying he never did the deed even after livin together so its vague (& confusing). Regarding your question in the end, isnt thats how arrange marriages work?
            Attitude is more important than facts.
            "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

            Comment


              #8
              Originally posted by SID_NY View Post

              did the girl tell you that? No the guy did, so its completely one-sided story to begin with. Then on one side the guy is bragging about his oral experiences and at the same time denying he never did the deed even after livin together so its vague (& confusing). Regarding your question in the end, isnt thats how arrange marriages work?
              lol yeah this is how arrange marriages work but those couples are not forced into marriages nor one of the party is involved with someone else.

              True he had oral but still saying havnt done the deed, thats kinda suspicious.

              Comment


                #9
                If this is a guy that you're currently speaking too, then I suggest moving on from him because clearly your mind is not at ease about him. You don't trust his responses and you're asking people that don't even know the guy and haven't seen him. So, this means that we can only provide you with guesses about him and if that also does not put you at ease, then it's better to move on to someone else. If this guy was someone you spoke to in the past, to kya faida analyze karne ka? Let him go.

                You're gonna marry only 1 person when the right time comes. Just one person. So that means all the rest of the candidates will be rejected for some reason or the other that doesn't sit well with you or them or the both of you. Either you will reject them, or they will reject you, or it will be a mutual rejection.
                Hi Frendzz! I am a multi of a multi of a multi of a multi of a multi!

                Comment


                  #10
                  My question is why would he be so specific? Unless he was trying to get off the hook, i.e. not interested in whatever you're proposing.
                  "Some people believe that necessity is the mother of Invention, but they're wrong, its War" - James May

                  Comment


                    #11
                    Originally posted by toobah View Post

                    lol yeah this is how arrange marriages work but those couples are not forced into marriages nor one of the party is involved with someone else.

                    True he had oral but still saying havnt done the deed, thats kinda suspicious.
                    my suggestion to you at this point is just take your time, keep validating his responses and you'll know the truth sooner. just dont rush
                    Attitude is more important than facts.
                    "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

                    Comment

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