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    My update

    I posted a month or so ago some of the challenges I was facing. I am still trying to conquer and fix my issues but it hasn't been easy. I have some serious mental health issues but at the same time I am moving up in my career. I was recently promoted to a high level position and I am thankful for it, but my mental health issues, specifically my social issues and going through divorce has not helped. I feel like a pariah in one sense, like a cancer in the Muslim/Pakistani community, but I feel blessed because my manager/directors see something in me to move me up. I am trying to use my success positively, but in all honesty I've been slacking at work. For the past week or so I literally haven't done a thing. I sign on, go to bed, and then sign off. I feel extremely guilty and have a self garnered paranoia of being fired. I am a basket case of issues. I am not trying to find resolve or any empathy on this forum, but if I could just literally not be seen as this monster I would be able to move on in my life.

    I sometimes think to just remember the things counselors, friends and people on this forum have said and that encourages me but when you're in the thick of it and people literally isolate or ignore you for **** in the past, it gets to you, especially if you're alone and have no one. I don't want to waste my talent, I know I can succeed, but I just don't know how to get this itch of my back, its been on me for literally 20+ years now. I've thought and am possibly moving but that really doesn't help a lot these days...everyone knows each other even if you live across the country. I've thought of moving overseas which isn't practical, but I think at this point I need to focus back on my health, find a spouse in a year or so when I am mentally stable and then hopefully I can focus on my other goals and not let others deter me. It sucks because I know I am not a bad person, yes I did some f'ed up things in the past but I know for a fact I have changed and I have something positive to offer.

    #2
    Bro what did you gain from scratching the same itch for 20+ years? If you still haven’t been able shake it off, then invest in a good shrink that can help you navigate through your thought process more regularly than strangers on a forum.

    No human is a saint. Everyone’s got their share of filth and skeletons. It remains better hidden in some than others. The same people whose judgment you are so worried about will continue living their lives even if you were to drop dead. So why waste precious minutes of an already short life on people that are not worth it? Why give them so much power? It’s your negative thought process that compromised the quality of your life, you did that to yourself. Now you have to readjust your outlook. I know who you are. You used to have another nick. Yearly emotional encouragement on an online forum will not be as effective as you receiving regular weekly or monthly support from a professional counselor, preferably a Muslim counselor who can help you align your thoughts with your faith.
    The one that broke the camel's back. Watch out! :snooty:

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