Regrets in life...trying to move on

[safari1]

This may be a lengthy post so please bear with me...
I started using this forum in the late 90s, early 2000s when I had my first encounter with social issues. Just like now, I had no one to turn to and this forum and the members gave me some hope. I know it's pathetic I have to and had to turn to an online forum for support but friends, counselling, family, other resources did not work.

Fast forward ~20 years later and I find myself in the same predicament. I am going through many challenges. I have every problem possible, ranging from health, social, family, marital, academic, financial, and legal issues. I never had to confront or realized I had these issues until after covid and I was working from home. Since I was busy going to work, had a routine and did not have much free time for my mind to aimlessly wander on random thoughts, I just buried those issues in the back of my head.

In the past 3-4 months, these issues have come and affected my life. I have serious health, social, family, and marital issues. My financial, academic and legal issues are minor to the point that I only bring them up because combined they do impact me but not to the extent my other issues do.

I am almost at a point of no return. I've sought out help from members of this forum, counselling, doctors, friends, and nothing seems to work. I'm so lost that I don't know where to go or what to do. The simplest task is so daunting for me and affects me.
If I have to go out to do errands, I have extreme self confidence issues to the point that I usually go late at night or early AM. If I ever end up watching a video or website that has people who are doing better than me...I literally end up staying on my bed for days thinking how my life is so crappy.

I try to be strong and make myself better but I have done a lot of bad things in my life and all these issues, the root cause is my lack of confidence and self esteem. I let my physical appearance affect me negatively which caused me to be inundated with thse issues since I was in my early teens. I am in my early 30s now and still can't seem to get my life straight. The only thing that gives me some motivation is my job but I know I can always lose that and its materialistic in my mind.

I try to be accepted by society but with six degrees of separation and everyone knowing each other, its hard. The only time in my life I was able to conquer these issues was when I lost weight and I felt good. I am trying that but it is so hard to start initially.

I don't know what I expect from others. They have given so much to me to help me but I feel like a lost cause. I am just ranting so I can let my feelings out. I am not sure if the responses to this post will help but letting my feelings out on this forum is helping a bit and in a twist of irony, just like I posted almost 20 years ago, it may hopefully help me.

[Bobby1]

Looking after your health and physique is a good step, every time I run into challenges I work out, everything is locked up but I pace hallways, climb buildings, do push ups.
Stop dwelling on past and stop worrying about judgemental people and work to get a positive self image. If you didn’t rape or murder anyone than you shouldn’t worry too much.

[batameez]

Exercise

Can be long walk to just stretching

can be anything

overall health, clear head better thinking less negativity

[Cashmere]

Not exactly sure what you're going through and didn't read your entire post but I have a few suggestions:


1. When you wake up, make your bed. If you end up having a horrible day, you have a nicely made bed to rest in. It also sets the tone for the rest of your day.
2. As tempting as it may be to oversleep and sink into the couch in the state of depression, get up and mediate/pray/watch sunrise.
3. Start your day on a positive note. Get a pen and a paper and write down 3 things you're grateful for. Genuinely think about them for a minute or two.
4. When negative energy bogs you down, go take a bath. This will help clear your energy.
5. This will be hard but get up and tidy up your place. Room, closet, kitchen, main seating area, bathroom. EVERYTHING. Organize your surroundings. Get rid of the extra clutter that sits there storing negative energy. You will feel a sudden change in atmosphere and feel lighter. It sets the right tone for getting started and accomplishing tasks.
6. Start being kind to people around you. Be charitable. If you cannot give anything, give them a smile. Good energy that you spread will find its way back to you.
7. Move around. Instead of sitting in one place, get up and go out for a walk. Do some at-home exercises to get your blood circulating. This will clear up mental fog and improve your mood.
8. When negative thoughts come to your mind, cut yourself out right there and then. Tell yourself to STOP. And divert your attention to something else. Be in full control of your thought processes.

Feel better soon!

[a7mado]

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you're passionate about? Engaging yourself with them helps. If I were left alone with my thoughts, I would probably go crazy as well. This is more common than you might think.

Also, going to bed at a decent time helps.

I've always told people that the only cure for depression is finding out what you're good at, what you enjoy doing and excelling at it. Because looking forward to or having a good time is the only antithesis to depression.

[Holy Lota]

Paa ji, if you are in early 30s now, how old were you in 90s or 2000 when you posted here?


can we call it dirty 30s?

[safari1]

I was in my early 30s.

Am I a lost cause? I am completely lost and have some detrimental feelings and thoughts, which I would never act on but the fact I am getting them is scaring me.
I did some messed up things in middle school, high school and carried it onto college. I finally changed in my mid 20s but the damage is already done. My reputation is tarnished. I was married but got divorced and that adds another undesirable label. I am trying to change and be better but I can't seem to get away from my past mistakes and I am completely lost.
I have health issues which are caused by my social issues which are caused by my self esteem which is caused by my lack of self esteem which is caused by how I feel about my looks. I know the solution (fixing myself physically and mentally) but it seems the damage is already done and I will not be able to fix all these things, move on and find someone. Some days are good and some are horrible and I do some messed up things like overeat, indulge recklessly or never get out of bed.
I want to change and I don't want to be this way anymore...I have tried counseling, speaking to friends/family, but I am at a crossroads and am not sure if I can be saved.

I just want to run away because that is the only solution I have found. Everywhere I move it seems trouble always follows me and I then create more trouble. Imagine moving from city to city but your past still haunting you and people in that community knowing about your past even though you're not the same person.
People tell me to not care about what others think but it is easier said than done. I know there is no magic pill and perhaps responses will help but at this point I feel like I am "damaged goods" and I can either remain where I am and continue to sink deeper into despair, or I can move again and try again with a new identity and personality but I feel like I am not being true to myself, or I can just say fu** it and be reckless and do whatever I want to succeed but getting to that mindset takes time.

Any other suggestions would be appreciate.

[Bobby1]

I was in my early 30s.

Am I a lost cause? I am completely lost and have some detrimental feelings and thoughts, which I would never act on but the fact I am getting them is scaring me.
I did some messed up things in middle school, high school and carried it onto college. I finally changed in my mid 20s but the damage is already done. My reputation is tarnished. I was married but got divorced and that adds another undesirable label. I am trying to change and be better but I can't seem to get away from my past mistakes and I am completely lost.
I have health issues which are caused by my social issues which are caused by my self esteem which is caused by my lack of self esteem which is caused by how I feel about my looks. I know the solution (fixing myself physically and mentally) but it seems the damage is already done and I will not be able to fix all these things, move on and find someone. Some days are good and some are horrible and I do some messed up things like overeat, indulge recklessly or never get out of bed.
I want to change and I don't want to be this way anymore...I have tried counseling, speaking to friends/family, but I am at a crossroads and am not sure if I can be saved.

I just want to run away because that is the only solution I have found. Everywhere I move it seems trouble always follows me and I then create more trouble. Imagine moving from city to city but your past still haunting you and people in that community knowing about your past even though you're not the same person.
People tell me to not care about what others think but it is easier said than done. I know there is no magic pill and perhaps responses will help but at this point I feel like I am "damaged goods" and I can either remain where I am and continue to sink deeper into despair, or I can move again and try again with a new identity and personality but I feel like I am not being true to myself, or I can just say fu** it and be reckless and do whatever I want to succeed but getting to that mindset takes time.

Any other suggestions would be appreciate.

Maybe see a counsellor, you have serious self esteem issues. I have seen people with severe disabilities and people who have dealt with trauma of seeing family members raped and tortured with a better mindset. Stop fishing for sympathies and man up, you are not a 5 year old girl. You know you need to hit the gym, you can make amends by doing good moral deeds, volunteer, shovel snow for old people, volunteer to take them to hospital and care for needy that will help turn reputation around.

Just whining dont cut it, do something good, if you are too lazy to do that than you are who you feel you are. You cant change your past but you can change your future.

[Cashmere]

I was in my early 30s.

Am I a lost cause? I am completely lost and have some detrimental feelings and thoughts, which I would never act on but the fact I am getting them is scaring me.
I did some messed up things in middle school, high school and carried it onto college. I finally changed in my mid 20s but the damage is already done. My reputation is tarnished. I was married but got divorced and that adds another undesirable label. I am trying to change and be better but I can't seem to get away from my past mistakes and I am completely lost.
I have health issues which are caused by my social issues which are caused by my self esteem which is caused by my lack of self esteem which is caused by how I feel about my looks. I know the solution (fixing myself physically and mentally) but it seems the damage is already done and I will not be able to fix all these things, move on and find someone. Some days are good and some are horrible and I do some messed up things like overeat, indulge recklessly or never get out of bed.
I want to change and I don't want to be this way anymore...I have tried counseling, speaking to friends/family, but I am at a crossroads and am not sure if I can be saved.

I just want to run away because that is the only solution I have found. Everywhere I move it seems trouble always follows me and I then create more trouble. Imagine moving from city to city but your past still haunting you and people in that community knowing about your past even though you're not the same person.
People tell me to not care about what others think but it is easier said than done. I know there is no magic pill and perhaps responses will help but at this point I feel like I am "damaged goods" and I can either remain where I am and continue to sink deeper into despair, or I can move again and try again with a new identity and personality but I feel like I am not being true to myself, or I can just say fu** it and be reckless and do whatever I want to succeed but getting to that mindset takes time.

Any other suggestions would be appreciate.

You should expect nothing other than the generic advice of pulling it together and moving on. You did not disclose any real information or reasons for your problems despite all the paragraphs you've written. If you want specific advice, you need to be specific yourself.

Adding to what Bobby1 said, think of everything as energy. Start spreading goodness and kindness around you and wait for it to come back. I guarantee it will.

[Bobby1]

You should expect nothing other than the generic advice of pulling it together and moving on. You did not disclose any real information or reasons for your problems despite all the paragraphs you've written. If you want specific advice, you need to be specific yourself.

Adding to what Bobby1 said, think of everything as energy. Start spreading goodness and kindness around you and wait for it to come back. I guarantee it will.

I really get upset when I feel people are using self harm as a tool for attention seeking and is a disservice to people really suffering from mental illness, One of our absolutely stunning and promising athlete, this beautiful young man 6-5" broader than the door and handsome beyond belief and had gotten accepted at Harverd killed himself at age 17 and that still is heart wrenching, he was a good friend of Safy. Goes to show good looks and success have nothing to with mental illness.

[safari1]

I think at this point I need to realize and admit that perhaps I am just asking for some magical pill and advice that will fix all my problems. I don't want to go into detail but this generic advise helps to at least make me understand that although I do have some mental health and social issues, I cannot keep coming on forums, not only this one, but others as well and try to get some legitimacy for my issues and a easy solution.
I've never thought of or would ever harm myself physically, but I do harm myself in other ways which I do have the ability and rationale to stop. The crux of my issues lie in my self esteem and self confidence. As I stated before, I felt amazing and confident when I was healthy. I could overcome anything, from gossip to being ostracized by the community. It is much harder when you have health issues and other baggage on top of it.
This is my solution and in no way is a solution for others. Counselling, talking to friends, going on forums, etc. did not help but that is not because it wasn't valuable or had any fortitude, it just did not work for me, for a multitude of reasons.

Bobby1, sorry to hear about the athlete you were talking about. I know suicide is a heartbreaking tragedy to deal with. I know a few people in my circle who have either committed suicide or attempted it. I hope the best for people in those situations. Covid definitely makes it worse but it should not be used as a crutch.

I wish you all the best in your lives and iA we can all get through these challenges with perseverance and thanks again for all your insights, advice and recommendations.

[Bobby1]

I think at this point I need to realize and admit that perhaps I am just asking for some magical pill and advice that will fix all my problems. I don't want to go into detail but this generic advise helps to at least make me understand that although I do have some mental health and social issues, I cannot keep coming on forums, not only this one, but others as well and try to get some legitimacy for my issues and a easy solution.
I've never thought of or would ever harm myself physically, but I do harm myself in other ways which I do have the ability and rationale to stop. The crux of my issues lie in my self esteem and self confidence. As I stated before, I felt amazing and confident when I was healthy. I could overcome anything, from gossip to being ostracized by the community. It is much harder when you have health issues and other baggage on top of it.
This is my solution and in no way is a solution for others. Counselling, talking to friends, going on forums, etc. did not help but that is not because it wasn't valuable or had any fortitude, it just did not work for me, for a multitude of reasons.

Bobby1, sorry to hear about the athlete you were talking about. I know suicide is a heartbreaking tragedy to deal with. I know a few people in my circle who have either committed suicide or attempted it. I hope the best for people in those situations. Covid definitely makes it worse but it should not be used as a crutch.

I wish you all the best in your lives and iA we can all get through these challenges with perseverance and thanks again for all your insights, advice and recommendations.

Fitness is a very easy thing, you just need to do it. Stop eating carbs, no sugar mostly meat, veggies and soups. Start by walking and keep increasing the distance, get a paedometer, min 10k steps. I just lost 30 lbs and beautiful Anastasia came to see me and said my skin is glowing. I also started climbing stairs. Just go slow and keep doing more every week. You need to set goals and find a reason for doing things. I had a few drastic changes and now will have to work longer so I decided to get fitter. Start doing some strength building after losing weight and gaining endurance. Post your steps and improvements daily here and we will encourage you. Start a fitness support group and on the forum and we can all join you. My next fitness goal is to reduce alchol consumption.

[SindSagar]

I was in my early 30s.

Am I a lost cause? I am completely lost and have some detrimental feelings and thoughts, which I would never act on but the fact I am getting them is scaring me.
I did some messed up things in middle school, high school and carried it onto college. I finally changed in my mid 20s but the damage is already done. My reputation is tarnished. I was married but got divorced and that adds another undesirable label. I am trying to change and be better but I can't seem to get away from my past mistakes and I am completely lost.
I have health issues which are caused by my social issues which are caused by my self esteem which is caused by my lack of self esteem which is caused by how I feel about my looks. I know the solution (fixing myself physically and mentally) but it seems the damage is already done and I will not be able to fix all these things, move on and find someone. Some days are good and some are horrible and I do some messed up things like overeat, indulge recklessly or never get out of bed.
I want to change and I don't want to be this way anymore...I have tried counseling, speaking to friends/family, but I am at a crossroads and am not sure if I can be saved.

I just want to run away because that is the only solution I have found. Everywhere I move it seems trouble always follows me and I then create more trouble. Imagine moving from city to city but your past still haunting you and people in that community knowing about your past even though you're not the same person.
People tell me to not care about what others think but it is easier said than done. I know there is no magic pill and perhaps responses will help but at this point I feel like I am "damaged goods" and I can either remain where I am and continue to sink deeper into despair, or I can move again and try again with a new identity and personality but I feel like I am not being true to myself, or I can just say fu** it and be reckless and do whatever I want to succeed but getting to that mindset takes time.

Any other suggestions would be appreciate.

So here is my suggestion....and I am sure all the Good Doctors on this Forum will agree!

My Gut Feeling is that you will be just fine if you start feeding your "SECOND BRAIN" the right kind of FOODS............

Did you know that you have more receptors for serotonin in your gut than you do in your brain? Also, the bacteria in our gut make more than 90% of important neurotransmitters, serotonin being one of them.

Mental health is interdependent on gut health. It’s biochemically that simple....

Serotonin is often known as our happy hormone. No wonder when people slide away from eating lots of real food they feel grumpy, unhappy, and can’t deal with stress well. We see this demonstrated most obviously in kids. Who hasn’t experienced a two year old on the verge of a temper tantrum after eating sugar all afternoon and it’s getting close to bedtime?

Unfortunately conventional medicine has led us to believe that depression is a Prozac or Paxil deficiency. A chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be fixed by medication. But how did that imbalance occur in the first place and shouldn’t we be treated the cause and not the symptom?

Boston-based psychiatrist Dr James Greenblatt says the workings of our gastrointestinal tract—and the bacteria contained within it—affect our mental health.

‘The microbiome is the collection of bacteria in the GI tract, and for years we always thought that our thoughts and our feelings affect our GI tract, so we might get stomach aches or we might get diarrhoea when we are nervous. But over the past 20 years or so, we now understand that the gut can affect brain function. What we are finding is that this collection of bacteria, this microbiome if you will, has tremendous neurophysiological effects on mood and behaviour and appetite.”

Here are 3 tips on how to keep our gut and therefore our brain healthy:

1. Eat a low carbohydrate, low sugar, high fibre diet – this means lots of vegetables, some fruit, and adequate protein and fat.
2. Avoid chronic antibiotic use – if you are chronically on antibiotics for sinus infections, bladder infections, sore throats or acne you are at high risk of damaging your micro biome. Investigate the underlying cause with your Naturopathic Doctor.
3. Eat fermented foods and take a good quality probiotic daily – consider probiotics like fertilizer for your lawn. We want your gut terrain to be nice and lush with a variety of different bacteria.

http://quintenc.ca/author/dr-michelle-durkin-nd/

[safari1]

Everything was going well since last week but a few days ago I had to go to the hospital due to shortness of breath due to my asthma. I usually get this around March and have an Advair Diskus inhaler, but I could not find it and being it was the middle of the night I went to the ER. The hospital ran some standard blood tests and found I had slightly elevated levels of potassium, which may be attributed to kidney disease.
I know I may have some kidney impairment because of other various symptoms I have and past lab results but my doctor advised me to lose weight and fix my diet. The ER doctor advised me to follow up with my family doctor which I am going to do but I am on the course of focusing on my diet and I am finally making progress. Within the past week I have changed my diet, my mind has been focused on positivity and the last thing I need is to be told that I have another major disease or issue.

I would rather be at a healthy weight and then be told I may have some health issue. If I do it now, I know I will not be able to focus on my weight/health goals. Would it be okay to forgo doing further tests until my target weight loss is achieved in about 6 months or just do it now as I may have a serious issue that I should address? I know I cannot get accurate advice since no one knows my complete medical history and I should follow the advice of my doctor, but just wanted another perspective anyways.
I am still inclined to see what my doctor says, but the last thing I want is to have something going on and make it worse if I do not get it addressed.

[X2]

Safari1 dude did you have a diff Nick then? I can’t recall. I think some challenges you have faced are hard to understand unless one has seen it close at hand or experienced it directly.

drop me a pm, we can chat, get on a phone call.