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    Opinion from a third person

    Hello everyone,


    I wanted to get an insight on an issue I am facing these days and I hope to get some answers to make it easy for me.
    Background story: I met this guy at my friend's wedding about 3 years ago. We didn't talk much but he added me on facebook. We would occasionally comment or like each other's posts/pictures but that was about it. Did not have any conversations nor met him anywhere after that. About a year ago he approached me and we started talking. I am a very bad/slow communicator so we hardly had any good conversations. However, he then asked me if we could get to know each other because he was interested in getting married to me. He was pretty straight forward about it. I brushed it off because I was focusing on my career (I practice law) and didn't have much time to commit to anything. He still made efforts to communicate and I gradually started taking interest in him. I wouldn't say we would talk/text for hours or all night long being busy working adults but we did communicate throughout the day and had a 1-2 hour call every night. I would say we would meet about 3-4 times a month (we share similar interests which made it easy for us to have a good time when we were together). We reside in Florida and he would come see me most of the time (he lives about 150 miles from me). He is very expressive when it comes to anything like sending cute texts throughout the day, sending roses or ordering me food at work and so forth. He made sure to check up on me despite being busy himself (he runs a restaurant business). He expressed his love in many ways and our mutual friends always admired how much he loves me. A few months ago he told his family about me (I talked to his mother a few times) and asked me what I thought about him. I asked him to give me more time despite knowing I really liked him. I have always feared commitments and losing people. My previous relationship which was also my first relationship ended (in 2014) after two years of us being together. After my breakup I became very close to Allah and healed myself through the conversations I had with him. Till this day I don't make any important decisions without getting a positive sign from him. My heart felt good about this guy and I started realizing I am falling in love with him. Numerous times I asked Allah to show me the right path and I never felt as if anything was wrong. About a month ago I told the guy I will introduce him to my mother. He said he was ready whenever I was but due to a death in the family, I wasn't able to talk to my mother about him (I still have not).
    Now: I have started noticing changes in his behavior. He takes hours to reply back to my texts or sometimes even the entire day. He picks up my calls and tells me he is busy and will call me back which he does for a couple minutes. We still talk at night but for 10-15 minutes and then he asks if he can sleep. He doesn't talk unless I ask something. I have asked multiple times if everything was okay and all he says is it's nothing and I am just overthinking. I know he is going through a lot due to COVID which is impacting his business (I also help him out with legal matters in his business) and I try to help him and understand him as much as I can. I give him space and try to understand what is going on. Whenever he gets time, he spends it with his friends (we have mutual friends so I see it on social media and he sends me snaps himself lol, not like he hides what he does). He has stopped talking about marriage or our future plans and if I bring it up he just listens without a response. A few days ago we got into an argument over politics to which he said he doesn't like me arguing with him (we always had healthy conversations on different topics). He stopped talking to me but I reached out to him to apologize if I offended him to which he said he needs a break from all this. I didn't reply back asking what he means nor he contacted me on this and we haven't talked since. My mind is not able to comprehend what's going on and how I should react or what I should take from this. I can't even imagine him losing interest or trying to avoid me even if he seems that way.
    I didn't want to discuss this with my friends because they might have a biased opinion and that is why I decided to post it on here to get some opinions. I also wouldn't like it for others to know there is something wrong between us. I doubt he discussed it with anyone either. The fact that he means a lot to me is hurting me and I don't know what to do.
    I would appreciate all the replies, thank you.

    #2
    Salam

    Scroll to the upper right hand of the page and you'll find a messages tab. I don't know if you need to contribute a certain number of posts before you're able to access your messages. But check your messages for some input.

    Comment


      #3
      I'm always big on direct communication. This is something you should sort out directly with him. Understood he needs a break but what lead to it? There gotto be something.
      Also tell him your feelings specially since the time he stopped talking. Explain it to him that its hard for you and you actually want something in this relationship. May be he'll understand.
      And say he declines to give any reason or if he does it aint make any sense then you'll have to do what he is asking for. That is give him a break and move on. I know easier said then done but you cant just hang around when he doesnt want it.
      Attitude is more important than facts.
      "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

      Comment


        #4
        It’s over. You need to accept it and move on.
        Grizzly bear

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by SID_NY View Post
          I'm always big on direct communication. This is something you should sort out directly with him. Understood he needs a break but what lead to it? There gotto be something.
          Also tell him your feelings specially since the time he stopped talking. Explain it to him that its hard for you and you actually want something in this relationship. May be he'll understand.
          And say he declines to give any reason or if he does it aint make any sense then you'll have to do what he is asking for. That is give him a break and move on. I know easier said then done but you cant just hang around when he doesnt want it.
          Yes, I think I should give him a week or so and then I will talk to him to see what he wants.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Iconoclast View Post
            It’s over. You need to accept it and move on.
            Thank you for letting me know

            Comment


              #7
              Love is a contest between 2 blind ppl ....the one who gets their sight first is the winner ....

              someone wise said ... no one dies for no one ....the other wise said ..Dang who says Living is easy without ...................

              I think and who care what i think but still have this HUMAN itch to give advises to others ..haha.

              your post ..use the same post modify in a manner that solely Addresses to him with highlighting your major concerns and see how he replies back ........

              Hope the LOVE live Long .........and that Candle is just dim and not Extinguish.....

              Comment


                #8
                maybe he really had something going on with his life and is unable to share it with you at this point.

                how open are you guys with each in regards to personal matters? COVID is impacting many people in many different ways. That could be something?
                happy happy happy... happy happy happy

                Comment


                  #9
                  From these details, it seems like he isn't interested anymore.
                  The Way of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not of those who earned Your Anger, nor of those who went astray. (Al-Fatihah)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The fact that you haven't spoken to your mother about him shows that you don't really care for him and also that you still possibly miss you ex and this man is just not your ex. I think he realizes that you haven't reciprocated to him as how he wanted so he's probably finding a way to politely leave. Don't waste anyone's time if you're interested in them fully.
                    Remember God so much that you are forgotten.Let the caller and the called disappear;be lost in the Call.- Rumi

                    Comment

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