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    Bhabi calling

    [FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]Salams all[/FONT]

    [FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]I hope you are well. I need some adivce but before that here is my story so you understand the background.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]I live in the west, am in my early 40s and am a professional. Due to my parents death, I live alone although my brothers and their families are close by. They all have children ranging from late twenties to teenagers. My brothers and I have a big age gap. Two of my bhabis are great, they do not intrude in my life, offer advice when I ask for it therefore I like to hang out with them more. You can see where this is going? My eldest bhabi got married into our family when I was 10! The relationship that we had was always of her telling me off, telling me my 1000 faults including my short height etc etc. She always says mean things to me and hence I keep my distance. I am not married and recently she has been on my nerves more. Everytime I see her name calling me or she sits next to me I get anxiety and panic attacks because of that dictatorial relationship.


    Where am I going with this? Well my parents always asked me to let it go for the sake of my brother, who himself is a victim of her sharp tongue. The point is I have had enough, it is not good for my mental health and she needs to stop intruding into my personal life regarding marriage. Her every sentence has 'I am the eldest bhabi in it', she always tells me that I am more friendly with the other two bhabis but fails to see why. All 3 are professional women so they are used to seeing a variety of people.

    I am in two minds to have a chat with her about this once and for all, however, as always, I know she will play the victim in front of her kids and my brother and hence my neices and nephews will resent me, they already have started a little when I made a comment about useless forwards on a family whatsapp group.


    So, if you have read this far, thanks, send me your prayers, mine are with you insha Allah, but can you help me with the following questions that she always says in front of the family to show I am the bad one:


    1. I called you for dinner 5 times (she only called me once!), you never spend time with us.
    2. I called you so many times to come to the picnic with us, buy you never picked up the phone.
    3. You need to tell me about rishtes as I am the eldest bhabi.
    4. You always hang out with the other two but not me, you are creating groups in the family.
    5. You never stay the night with us.


    She has had fights with the other bhabis in the past who have met her verbal fights with fights and now she is wary of them. I have never, everytime she has hurt me with a comment, even whilst both my parents were in critical care in hospital, I always cried and went quiet. She has then always labelled me as batameez.

    HELPPPPPPPPP WE ARE ALL ADULTS HERE, BUT SHE JUST DOESN'T BACK OFF.
    [/FONT]

    #2
    Your bhabi needs to back the f*** off. Don't be a push over and stand your ground. It seems that everyone knows how her personality and your personality so don't worry about what her kids and your brother will think but if the whole family keeps letting her comments or offensive words "slide by" everytime she will just keep on going with no excuse. You could also approach your brother directly and tell him you don't like certain things she does. He can talk to her directly and if she approaches you, you can confirm.

    and about your questions.. she seems clingy. Just tell her you need space and you're the type of person who likes to his/her own space. "Bhabi app bura nahi maaney laiken mujhe kuch aur kaam hothey hain..." something along those lines.

    Good luck! Stand your ground!

    Comment


      #3
      One thing I tell people is dont engage toxic people, I just look at them and smile and say hmmm..interesting,
      Try with with me...........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I could have swore it was once but hey who can trust phones now adays

      You are creating groups............Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm........Bhabi..... .........I love you, what makes you feel that way? I teach people to control conversations with humour and by asking questions. Bhabbi, I am sorry you feel that way, it wasn't my intention, what made you feel that way. Bhabbi I want to have a good relationship with you, please help me understand why you feel that way. Manipulate the manipulator.

      Comment


        #4
        Take your brother into confidence and speak to him privately. Tell him that you would have addressed this matter with bhabi but she’s not easy to reason with. Explain to him how her tone, her words, her insults are affecting you. If her behavior is hurting you, causing you anxiety, whatever....let him know. Tell him that he needs to have a meeting with both of you present (minus the kids) so that you can calmly disuss limits and boundaries such as no more insults or comments about my height etc. Hopefully a resolution can be reached.

        I have an extended family member who used to bully and boss younger siblings and justify it by saying they’re the “older.” Well, if you’re older and you’ve got the title of “baji” or “bhaijan” or “eldest bhabi” or “eldest whatever” then that title should behoove you to act with more grace, maturity, and fairness.....not to use that title and position to boss, scold, or insult others. Tell her that the next time she lords her rank over you. And for extra measure remind her that even the president of a country...much like an elder in a family....will lose respect if they can’t give it. If she cries and does drama, call her out and tell her to communicate like an adult without manipulating others against you and being dramaybaaz. People continue with their crap because they haven’t been called out on it.

        The next time she complains you hang out with the other bhabis more then tell her point blank that they don’t make comments about your height or insult you or scold and you find their company more pleasant. If she gets defensive or angry, tell her that you find it insensitive that she is justifying her verbal abuse instead and walk away.

        It would be worse if u lived with her. You live alone and that in and of itself is a blessing. Keep a distance from her toxicity.


        Comment


          #5
          after few years there is no proper comunication which sucks.

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