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    Some advice


    I honestly feel like i have very formal relationship with my husband not a real relationship
    how do i improve the relationship in genral?
    And add some depth to it so our words just are not shallow words at the start my husband was making an attempt to understand me now he has this fed up attitude like i shdnot be with you in the first place. How to i have a meaningful relationship with him?

    recently something happened i said something i shdnot have his family is taking the situation better then him and his the one that lives with me this shows we dont have a very close relationship what can i do to fix it?
    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. ~

    #2
    Congratulations on your marriage! I remember last year you were here asking for premarriage advice.
    Be someone that makes YOU happy

    Comment


      #3

      I think she's way past the congratulations phase and is now deep into 'oh sh!t! I've lot of growing up to do' phase. From what & how she wrote, you would be hard pressed to tell if this is some high school dropout teenage or a married adult. And am not even talking about typos, it's the overall inability to converse and convey intended meanings in a coherent & even mildly intelligent manner. No wonder her husband has been giving her blank stares. Communication and human interactions are fast becoming lost arts.

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        #4
        I feel like you may not be giving us the whole story here. you said at firs the was making an attempt to understand and now he sounds like he is regretting marrying you.

        what happened in between him trying and giving up? did fights increase, or inlaws issue, or.. something else? People don't normally randomly just change like that especially when you are married

        Comment


          #5
          Ah another one of those good old recurring GS paradoxes, either people are having problems getting married, or having troubles after getting married, lol
          I'm either at work, in gym, working in the garden, or in my beautiful wife's arms!

          Comment


          • Kinzz
            Kinzz commented
            Editing a comment
            Is mein ell-o-ell karne wali to koi baat nai. It’s a paradox of life, not GS. GS is only a fishbowl in the ocean of life. By the way aap kaun se camp mein hain? Trouble getting or trouble maintaining?

            As a man why you don’t tell OP how to get her husband to be more open with her? Make yourself useful instead.

          #6
          Did you apologize to him for what you said to his family? If not, start there. **IF he feels that you don?t respect/care about his family, then show him that you do (through actions, not just words). Take the initiative to tell him...?Let?s go visit your parents? ...and cook a dish and take it with you or invite them over. When you both go shopping, get a gift for his mom or siblings.

          Do you know why he feels frustrated with you or what his concerns he has about you? If so, maybe you can try to implement those changes.

          When he comes back from work, ask him how his day went...if anything interesting happened, etc. If you?re working, you can share with him how you day went. You can seek his advice about something career related. Share something interesting that you read with him and ask his opinion on it. Watch a movie together and ask him questions about it ?What did you think?? ?What would you have done if you were the character?? Share your own opinions about it...?My favorite part was...?......?I didn?t like it because...?....?I thought the storyline was......? Ask him open-ended questions about his childhood, about his dreams, about places he?d like to visit, about his fears, about his dreams, etc.

          Use banter and humor (witty responses)....tease him from time to time...be playful etc.

          Comment


            #7
            Originally posted by Kinzz View Post
            Is mein ell-o-ell karne wali to koi baat nai. It?s a paradox of life, not GS. GS is only a fishbowl in the ocean of life. By the way aap kaun se camp mein hain? Trouble getting or trouble maintaining?

            As a man why you don?t tell OP how to get her husband to be more open with her? Make yourself useful instead.
            pick on nav day today? thank u

            OP you start by thinking what could you do to make him more interested in you, know what his likes and dislikes are, what excites him, his dietary preferences etc.

            Men are visual creatures, they go after everything nice and shiny. things that look good and sexy! may be dress up in a way he gets excited about, show him physical affection in exotic ways, not just lie down, open legs and turn your face away, you will have to be imaginative and proactive, the internet is full of ideas.

            Outside the bedroom, talk to him about his interests, even if you don't find them useful, like sports, politics, games, that sort of stuff, talk to him in his language in terms of intellectual capability (if you could) and phraseology and speaking style, see how he pronounces certain pet words and sentences and try to pick them up and re-use when talking to him, he will able to relate more.

            Do things he likes doing, find out if he has any outside interests, hobbies, habits etc. Does he like to read books or watch films about a certain genre? if yes then gift him a book he might like to read or suggest watching a movie you think he will find interesting. Try to learn or at least develop interest in any sports he likes, such as swimming or mundane things like sudoku or crosswords and puzzles etc

            I could write pages after pages, but not really fond of writing long essays, I like to talk, a learned habit as a result of my profession.

            Also heed attention to all the advice all the lovely ladies have given you. all the best.
            I'm either at work, in gym, working in the garden, or in my beautiful wife's arms!

            Comment


              #8
              Thankyou for your reply

              His family is overseas i guess i can call more often? Would one way of showing love and respect through actions not words be trying to do what the other person likes such as dressing up, cooking or working on your career ? I just feel like you dont want to constantly live like your pleasing someone and dont have much of a personality of your own=/ doesnot this show lack of confidence. But if it helps eliminate the frustration and add to the relationship its probably the better to try and change ?

              i dont want it to be like iam doing things out of fear altho sometimes i feel iam
              If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. ~

              Comment


                #9
                Hmmm...

                Working on your career is something you should primarily be doing for yourself, sweetheart.

                Cooking is a skill that evolves with time. The more you practice it, the better it gets. And I don?t think that cooking the dishes he likes equates to you changing yourself for him....unless you frequently end up making fods that only he likes and you don?t. Most likely whatever it is thar you cook is also going to be eaten by you, too. So you won?t be losing your personality.

                Dressing....you can work around this so that you can meet both his and your preferences. If you dress conservatively outside the home, then stick to it. You can still be trendy and conservative. Keep the less comservative (if that?s what he likes) for indoors. Just being on top of grooming and using a few accessories (jewelry and a little makeup) while wearing even simple clothes (that you?re comfy in) can make you look put together and more fresh. I do think that there needs to be flexibility and while you should make th effort to look nice......let?s be reasonable.....it?s not always possible and neither is your husband going to look pretty at all times.


                ***If you make your husband the root reason for all that you do, you will become stressed. If you make YOURSELF the primary reason for bettering yourself......you won?t feel overburdened. You apply that eyeliner because U want to and like how it looks. You try a new color or a new makeup look cuz U feel like having fun with it. You cook a recipe cuz ....yes
                It?s totally encouraged to make something he likes...but you also do it goes it will only sharpen your skills.

                When you bend over backwards to be exactly as how the other person wants you to be, they will pick up on the lack of confidence and desperation behind your changes. But when you implement those changes because you have placed your own self-development in the forefront....then those changes translate into an attractive assertiveness.

                Alongside the above make dua for a stronger marriage. If you?re giving it your best and he?s not even making an effort to habe a relationship with and threatens to leave, then losing someone like that is not the worst thing that can happen cuz u can?t force anyone to feel a certain way about. Takes two hands to clap.

                Comment


                  #10
                  ^ Velvy, bending over forward only works before marriage. Thats exactly how they end up in a marriage. Holy wont give more description to avoid banning but use your visualization.

                  #aaho
                  My degree of sarcasm is directly related with your level of stupidity.
                  "Hamari Koi aur branch nahi hai"

                  Comment


                    #11
                    Originally posted by akaprincess View Post
                    I feel like you may not be giving us the whole story here. you said at firs the was making an attempt to understand and now he sounds like he is regretting marrying you.
                    who gives us the whole story on GS life1?
                    My degree of sarcasm is directly related with your level of stupidity.
                    "Hamari Koi aur branch nahi hai"

                    Comment


                    • akaprincess
                      akaprincess commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I do .. I would assume others do too .. and anyway, this person hasn't given any details at all, so its hard to give advice

                    #12



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                      #13

                      Comment


                        #14
                        Dr. Farhat Hashmi has some advice. She is a respected scholar. She is just saying that it is advisable to show sabr and live with abuse.




                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgLJ1NaGR4U
                        Last edited by Eliminator; Aug 1, 2019, 11:47 PM.

                        Comment


                        • LP
                          LP commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Don't deviate the topic she didn't talk about any abuse being involved.

                        • akaprincess
                          akaprincess commented
                          Editing a comment
                          living with abuse is NOT okay people sheeesh.

                        #15
                        Withdrawal of affection, emotional manipulation in my books is abuse, this power game is played in way too many homes as women in that society are powerless. If he had a problem with any thing that she said or did than he should have been a man enough to sit down and talk to her rather than trying to punish her emotionally. Dr Farhat might reduce a woman to a pin cushion who does not protest or fight for her rights but women need to be respected and it is as much his job to worry about her happiness and well being.

                        When ever a man makes a women feel inferior or worthless it my young friend is abuse.

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