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    When to start sharing details

    This may be a "well you just know" type of thing.. but still, for the sake of seeking advice and sharing opinions...

    how do you know when (or if ever) to share something very personal to someone else? let's say to someone you may be interested in having a relationship with. Especially when your actions are a result of said secret(s), and therefore you might think you need to explain your stance by telling them what's going on ? I'm not saying you ever need to answer to somebody, but .. just to make them understand things .. I don't know if that makes any sense .. or do you just keep it to yourself like you have all along and just go with the flow?

    and as far as, revealing things, some people may say, well if it doesn't affect said person or whatnot,then what is the point? and I agree..but at the same time .. I don't know.. maybe it depends on the gravity of the situation? because what if it would indirectly affect them to (the way they see you.. whether they will empathize and try to make you feel better and support you.. or, turn away from you because it's something they aren't okay with accepting)

    what about to friends? time and time again, I have found when I have shared very personal things to someone, they react in a way as if it's nothing.. yet when something happens to THAT SAME PERSON, the world comes crashing down.. what I mean is that, the support I guess, just isn't there... and that has deterred me from sharing

    and then you have left yourself vulnerable and possibly judged by whatever you have said and it becomes one of those things you feel stupid over even talking about

    #2
    Really.. NOBODY has an answer ??

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      #3
      Sharing details start with trust...

      Comment


      • akaprincess
        akaprincess commented
        Editing a comment
        Yes but even trust worthy people wont give a ****.. or betray that trust, it has happened to me .. and i dont want to air my laundry out to people whom i trust and then have it backfire

      #4
      Love everyone and trust no one. Every single time I have trusted someone it has backfired, even your own flesh and blood will use it against you. Every relationship has a power equation so don't turn that equation against yourself. I knew of this guy whose wife crapped on him for 40 years because one act of discretion.

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        #5
        so again in the latest trust issue my Pak female friends brother was engaged to get married to a dentist girl from Lahore, most beautiful girl you can come across, on a moment of emotional meltdown she contacted her ex and said nasty things about fiance and the mother. The ex forwarded all the messages to new fiance and her naked pics and all her past. She begged for forgiveness, invoke for Allah's sake faked panic attacks on plane etc and etc. The ex claimed that she slept with him even after engagement. So this one act of trusting the ex destroyed her entire future. The fiance was an amazing guy, rich, handsome, kind, open minded.

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        • akaprincess
          akaprincess commented
          Editing a comment
          daaamn that sucks .. see, and this is what I'm afraid of, well, not to that extent, my issue is different.. but still .. it's not even my secret per say, but it affects me.. and in turn, may or not affect the next person I tell .. would they even care? I guess that's what matters most.. will they be able to change my mindset to stop caring and be fine.. or, will they brush it off like its nothing and then I would have wasted this knowledge on someone who really didn't need to know in the first place .. I don't know uggghhh

        #6
        I will give you one example of how my past experiences with people has deterred me. I'll try to keep it short.

        all of my friends know I am not the kiss and tell type.. I never do that.. I know very intimate details about people and their sexual behaviors etc, but the most anyone has ever gotten out of me was whether or not literally I have kissed someone... that's it.

        so, one day I was really umm.. upset/concerned about something, and my friend was like, just tell me what it is ( I have been good friends with her for over a decade).. so I was like fine I'll tell you.. even she was shocked (akaprincess is actually going to talk about this?? type shock).. anyway... she literally swore up and down, she wouldn't tell a soul, it goes to the grave with her.. I said okay.. and we talked..

        WITHIN MINUTES - she already texted anther person telling them what I said, with the promise of telling him more details once she was alone.. THE ACTAL EFF ?!? and I know this because I saw the conversation exchange between them because it was on my phone... I don't know who else she has told.

        sooooo... with that being said, I have major trust issues, especially with new people I have met.. this chick, I have known her over 10 years and that's what happened

        Comment


          #7
          The philosophers have great answers, as Shakespeare put it, Love everyone, trust a few and wrong no one.

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            #8
            I'm no expert in relationships but I would say there are two things. One, trust and second, use best judgement.

            But lets take a step back. First thing should be you know best what those things are. Now if you have started a new friendship you may not give all detail except the basic ones ofcourse.

            but if it turns out into something like other person has started taking an interest in you in terms of building a long term relationship or something like that, you have to let them know some more detail that they must be aware of. For example, if you are previously married etc. But then again you dont have to tell how it ended. Cuz its just the beginning and later if they intrigue you may tell them.

            And then comes the later part when your relationship with the other person is about to get offficial. Then you must tell all the necessary info because relationships are mutual. You dont want them to say tomorrow, O why didnt you tell me so.


            In the example mentioned above of a friend not keeping the secret, meh. It happens a lot. But someone deceiving you with mistrust doesnt mean all the others will do the same. Yes you have to be careful but again be the best judge. There are still a lot of people worth trusting and worth loving. Thats all.
            Attitude is more important than facts.
            "Life is 10% what happens to us..and 90% of how we react to it"

            Comment


              #9
              It's better to have and respect your boundaries when it comes to sharing personal things, as to prevent hurt because people will hurt you anyway doesn't matter if it's own blood or a lover or a friend. The minute something has left your mouth it might backfire. A private life is truly a peaceful life. If I wanted to vent, would rather do it to a therapist or keep a journal away from people's eyes.
              Pyaar waliyan nu nayio vekh sakda zamaana..

              Comment


                #10
                Harris and Safy came back from divisionals and Harris made me promise to keep it a secret that Safy damaged the club boat, he did not read the sign and took it into shallow water, guess what is the next thing I did? Humans are such jerks. Safy asked me to keep his participation in the worlds a secret and I was discussing in a blog with @LP and he saw it on my computer and got annoyed at me and asked me who is @LP and why am I discussing this with her and I lied to him that she is my friend from Pakistan.

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                  #11
                  It really depends on who it is and what you are sharing.

                  If you want to start a relationship with someone then I think you should share relevant details about yourself and if they ask questions then answer them with honesty. These are the types of things that build a strong foundation for a relationship. Again, if you have to be careful because you don't want to be the one sharing without it reciprocating and things need to be serious between you two and be moving in a forward direction.

                  If its just someone you've met, colleague, acquaintance - someone you may not interact with often, then I don't see the need to overshare.

                  As they say, after it leaves your mouth, it's no longer yours.
                  “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

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                    #12
                    if you're asking somebody else for advice in order to share your secrets to a person it means you don't trust your own intuition that HE/She is untrustable...... !
                    Wo Tou Pani K Qatry Hain Jo Aankhon Se Beh Jaaty Hain.
                    Ansu Tou Woh Hoty Hain Jo Dard Ban K Aankhon Mein Hi Reh Jaaty
                    Hain.....!!

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