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    being the eldest...

    .. do u become more of a fatherly/motherly figure to ur younger siblings? i think ive become overprotective and very 'old womanish'.. whenver im with my younger sibz i become this monster of a baji.. its crazy... i wish i could stop but i cant.. i feel i have to protect my sisters from perverted eyes.. walking hands.. bad language .. everything!

    #2
    I am exactly the same way -- very protective and very bossy. It's hard sometimes when I want to be a friend but then also feel the need to be the authority figure. Can be a conflict of interests at times.

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      #3
      completely understand ... i am the eldest too ... my bros say i act like their mum

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        #4
        yeah? see the thing is i aint bossy at all cus no one listens to me, but i do get called mum all the time.. hmm i cant say i aint their friend cus just bout everyone tells me their problems, cus they know im a push over, but im waay overprotective.. like today i stood frozen in one spot waiting to see my sister cross the road, wihch is bout 2 meters wide, shes 18!

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          #5
          sadzz: awww that's sweet! but probably unnecessary. do you let them be independent and try and succeed/fail on their own?

          i'm actually very close to my brothers. we are very good friends. but i do feel responsible for their well-being, so if there's something going on that my parents don't know about, i feel pressure to tell them what to do from a parental perspective. you know what i mean?

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            #6
            yeah! im so like that sahar.. when i know my bro and sis are upto something.. i like to take charge to help them out before it gets to the parents, even if i know theyve stuffed up.. i'll make it out that they havent... but na i let them fail and succeed on their own but when they fail i like to tell em they did well, and will prob fix up everything instead..

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              #7
              yeah this is def me. I'm the oldest and somehow I am the councilor and problem solver not only at home but pretty much amongst all my friends too.

              I'm like everyone's parent lol

              I don't even want to be!? but then stuff happens and I just have to sit and watch quietly and eventually I am usually forced by the people involved to come fix it! lol

              I dunno how to get out of these situations!?

              I feel like I should just write a book.. !?

              So I can say 'Just read this!! but gimmie $5 first!' lol

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                #8
                thats so me waqas! i went to pak after 3 years and it took my cousins bout 5 hours to start pouring out everythign to me.. within days id become everyones cousellor and my siblings parent.. its not that i mind but i feel ive become something i didnt want to but now i cant get myself out of it..

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                  #9
                  I am the youngest, and Sadzzz, lay off us youngsters or else...

                  j/k

                  Well, I have been the youngest but none of my older brother and sisters bossed me around...In fact it was me who did that to them...

                  But my older sister now has taken on a very motherly role in my life...She is more concerned about me than all my siblings combined...She keeps calling me and finding out what I am doing, how I am doing, advising me, cheering me on...She is the closest to me after my mother, and these two figures in my life are my most dearest possesions...I can confide in them and tell them everything...

                  Be like that Sadzzz...Your concern cannot be hidden and neither your love for them...If animals can sense love and affection just imagine how sensitive humans are to this emotion...So even if you slap them on their face and beat them with a stick out of care and love for them, they would know and wouldn't mind...However, if you shower fake love on them and try to be their friend without true good intentions, they can know that too...
                  Focus not on who you are but what you do...
                  ])>:::}-:Salams:-{:::<([

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                    #10
                    Well, for me it is more like friends sometimes and sworn enemies at most times.

                    I do try to guide him and show him the right way, but mostly we are too busy fighting with each other or laughing our hearts out on a badly dubbed japanese movie.

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                      #11
                      Re: being the eldest...

                      Originally posted by sadzzz:
                      .. do u become more of a fatherly/motherly figure to ur younger siblings? i think ive become overprotective and very 'old womanish'.. whenver im with my younger sibz i become this monster of a baji.. its crazy... i wish i could stop but i cant.. i feel i have to protect my sisters from perverted eyes.. walking hands.. bad language .. everything!
                      oh so its not just me !!!..... *releiving smile *

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                        #12
                        yep, one becomes a control freak etc.

                        But your bro/sis are then probably still youngsters.
                        Dont worry, it will stop when you and they get a bit older
                        There is no more pleasant food for the soul than the knowledge of truth. - Lactantius

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                          #13
                          i am the oldest bro and us bros were pals growing up, as we grew older and lived apart the dynamics of our relationship changed and I became the Barra bhai, but I wanted to be a pal too, so I tried to change it. I consider my younger bros my closest pals, we can talk about everything etc. At some times I annoy them with my advice, but that is not due to me being a barra bhai, I do the same with others including parents..trying to evaluate a situation or pending decision.

                          They are mashaAllah intelligent guys now and dont need me to protect them, however it does not stop me from being protective, but now its in a diff sense, just being there for advise or support.

                          back when i was a teenager, i recall some idiot kid hit my kid brother with a hockey stick..missed his eye by half an inch, left a gash that needed to be stitched. By the time my parents came back from the ER, they had complaints waiting for them that I beat up the kid who has attacked my bro, and his two elder brothers. That was a diff type of being protective
                          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.

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                            #14
                            So I'm right there with you on the monster of the baji comment...
                            I had to consciously shift from telling my younger brothers what to do...to suggesting it and asking their opinions and sort of letting them live their lives...

                            My brothers came to visit last year and i'm so protective and had to stop my self from going into..let me do this for you and all...it's odd...

                            the funny thing is that my husband is the youngest of 2 and his sister is 12 years older, so he's got a BIG Baji for whom it's hard to shift away from that thinking too..and it's wierd being on the recieving end of it. But since I do it..i know why she feels like she has to do it..but it also makes me more aware and stop myself from doing it to my brohters...

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                              #15
                              I am the youngest with the responsibilities of the eldest
                              "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. - Rumi

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