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    Daughters only...

    Okay, I was just reading hmcq's thread about aging parents and that got me thinking, actually I always wondered about it...

    A couple who has daughters only and no son, who would take care of them when they retire (since usually it's the sons' "responsibility" in our desi culture)?

    Are today's desi men willing to move out of their parents' home to move in with their Sasuraal Waale as a Ghar-Jamayi/Daamaat?

    If so, then how do others in the community view this as? Good? Bad? Is the guy seen as a na-mard or something? (Not that society should matter when in these matters but just wondering...)

    Also, if there's anybody that can relate to this situation, if they can share their experiences here it will be greatly appreaciated.

    #2
    ^
    You are expecting too much from these no good men, don't ya think honey?

    Most men would hate the idea of moving to their wife's parents home or bringing them home permanently. And thus I think women should also take a similar stance and not live with teh in laws after they get married.

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      #3
      i would compare this situation of 'daughters only' to 'sons who dont care about their parensts' totally......

      i mean i have seen ghur-baar where parents are aged and their sons and daugters are married off....but no one live with them....not even their sons and buhowien.........and their aching for soem company and someone to cook for them etc......isnt this the same as having 'daughters only' and 'sons behaving badly'?......

      very few couple.......whom are good from heart would sacrifice to live with their in-laws....but aaj kul jisko bhi dekhou upna bori bistra band raha hei........how evil and mean....
      uss ke aur mere beech ka sufur...

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        #4
        Reminds me of the saying........' A daughter's a daughter for life. A son's a son untill he takes a wife'.

        That's it, juniors not allowed to talk to girls.

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          #5
          ^^
          Watch "Baaghbaan"
          Mere junoon ka na lo imtihaan,
          Jaanan

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            #6
            Originally posted by shahreen:
            Reminds me of the saying........' A daughter's a daughter for life. A son's a son untill he takes a wife'.

            That's it, juniors not allowed to talk to girls.

            my husband seems to prove that theory wrong..
            Slightly Crazy and Plenty Lazy

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              #7
              I'd like to quote an excerpt from PCG's signature...

              I think its something like, "I believe in fantasy creatures...dragons, and *good men*..."

              Yeah I do

              I think a good guy won't have a problem having his wife's parents in the house if they did not have sons to take care of them. He doesn't have to be a ghar jamaai. And I know its looked down at in our culture but if the couple has a really good understanding and is itself okay with it, I don't see anything wrong with a ghar-jamai...I know of cases such as the one described in this thread where people had daughers only and had ghar-jamais and those guys are perfectly self-respecting hard working men. I respect them for having looked beyond cultural stereotypes to help their wives' zaeef parents.

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                #8
                if i can take care of my parents..i can take care of hers too

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by Chandbeti:
                  ^
                  You are expecting too much from these no good men, don't ya think honey?

                  Most men would hate the idea of moving to their wife's parents home or bringing them home permanently. And thus I think women should also take a similar stance and not live with teh in laws after they get married.
                  i dont think this thread is refering to ghar damads. there is nothing wrong in having the girls' retired parents living with the couple if there are no sons to take care of them. i have seen this happening when the father of the girl passes away and there are no sons to support the mother, the mother stays with the daughter, son-in-law, and grand kids. nothing wrong with it... its only human nature to wanna take care of parents, considering all the hardships they must have faced to raise their children.

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                    #10
                    "note toriaya, tay munda vayaia, dono hathon gay "
                    note as in money

                    my mum tells me this everyother day... hilarious at first but now ... :|

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                      #11
                      did u know in ancient japan they men used to move into their wives houses?

                      *snaps out of reverie

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                        #12
                        i think the son in law should step in then... my mumani doesnt have any brothers, and she has 7 married sisters... out of all the son in laws, my mamu stepped up and took the responsibility of my mumani's parents.. he got them an apt right next to theirs.. ghar jamai bhi nahi.. aur dekh bhaal bhi hogayi
                        standing alone on a street of broken dreams

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                          #13
                          I was having this conversation with someone the other day. He told me that he wouldnt want to support a mother-in-law if she was a widow, if she had sons that could look after her and care for her. Even if the mother in law didnt want to live with sons for whatever reason he still felt she should live with them, and not be his financial responsibility.
                          "O man! What has seduced thee from thy Lord Most Beneficent?" - Quran 82:6

                          Sponsor and choose an orphan at alyateem dot com

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                            #14
                            Interesting. What happens in situations where the sons are jerks and simply do not care about their parents' well being enough to actually live with them? I would want to look after my parents. If my hubby had a problem with that, then there would be an obvious rift.

                            I know of two examples where the sons really don't care about their widow mothers. The mothers live alone. The sons just phone occassionally but never actually come to visit. Both are in other countries, so you think they would send a plane ticket for their mothers' to come and visit? Nope. The two in question are too selfish. In situations like that, it has been the daughters' who have stepped up to the plate and taken care of the situation as best as they can. Fortuantely, the men who are married to the daughters are very understanding and encourage supporting their mother-in-law.
                            Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

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                              #15
                              In my experience, daughters have taken care of their parents more than the sons. In the middle class of Pakistan the trend is changing and sons don't always live with their parents anymore. And as the parents grow old daughters tend to get involved in their lives more than sons for many different reasons.

                              IMO, there is nothing wrong with asking your in-laws to move in with you. And if you have to move in with them, there shouldn't be any problem.
                              I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
                              - Robert McCloskey

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