divorce

[ophiolites]

i m sorry i should have'nt discussed this, but this is very painful for me rigthnow.

plz plz when u marry Allah say dua karain u remain togehter for ever loving each other.

how painfull it is to breakup after so many years with kids ruined.

my God, plz it's hurts ans hurts alot. may be not a big issue in west but here in pakistan its a hell of big thing.

[ç[email protected]†ii]

oh my! Try to be strong. It's not the end of the world for you. Think about the future of your kids. Keep yourself occupied. And once you think you are over this whole mess, try finding a new life partner( if u wish that is..).

[Femme Fatale]

Some people never get over it CB!!!

[funguy]

One thing that you should NOT do is "try finding a new life partner". That is the worst advice I have heard. Don't even think about re-marrying for a few years.

I don't know much about your personal situation so can't offer much help.

[ç[email protected]†ii]

did I not say.. "once you get over it".. this getting over period can vary from like a few months to a few decades for people.

So if it is gonna take her a few years, well and good! She needs to forget the past that is all..no matter how much time it takes.. Unless she hasn't gotten over it, she shud not get into another relationship..

[funguy]

OK, CB. May be you meant a few years but this kind of wording ain't appropriate as a first reply to someone who is still going through the process. Just my opinion.

This is the worst time to even think of anyone in those terms.

[CorruptAngel]

ophiolites

are you a male or a female?

[Mehnaz]

I agree with you Funguy, but realistically, she is in Pakistan. I think it's pretty safe to say that she will be pushed into getting married sooner rather than later. It's social taboo for her to be divorced ... if her family or outsiders have their say, I'm sure she will be pressured into getting hitched soon. It isn't wise or healthy, but I'm pretty sure it will happen. Hopefully, I will be proved wrong.

[suroor_ca02]

i know a family member, very close to me, go through this terrible ordeal in pak. ppl literally make ur life a living hell there if u r divorced WOMAN. my advice, stay strong for ur sake and for the sake of ur kids. make sure u are surounded by ppl who support u and bring positive energy around u. stay away from ppl who are mean or being rude and make it feel like its ur fault. Know that its NOT ur fault! what happened happened for a good reason. dont even think about marriage. get a job and study further if u want to. One thing what my family member did was to continue her education. which not only kept her busy but also gave her time to over come her divorce. MashAllah she is now done with her PHD and remarried after 5 years again and living happily.

[~MuNiYa~]

may allah be by your side.
:flower1L

[Moodie Foodie]

jus hang in there.. and kno that whatever happens .. happens for the best and we may not be able to see the reason n logic in it at the moment.. but trust me .. its there

n dont care about ppl... if today they r talkin bout u .. theyll eb talkin bout some1 else tomm.. so dont give them a rats behind bout what trhey say n think.. they rnt payin ur bills n they surely arent carin bout ur feelings..

[kewlsolara]

sorry to hear that, be strong and dont even think about gettign married at this stage.

and this is the time to fight for your new life so dont listen to any ones advise to get married because of the kids and you get whole life a head of you.

Just dont let anyone force you into any thing.

[Nadia_H]

Originally posted by kewlsolara:
Just dont let anyone force you into any thing.

i think that is one of the best pieces of advice...

i am so sorry to hear that May Allah help you and give you true peace of mind, eventually, Insha'Allah.

i'd suggest throwing yourself into distractions - i mean that in a positive way, not in any sense of avoiding realities. i mean, though, that maybe you could try involving yourself in different pursuits simply to have an opportunity where you don't keep yourself a prisoner to those types of depressing thoughts. To the best of your abilities, try to stay away from gossipy people. Continue your education, take up classes, join up as a volunteer with some org., write, read, maybe volunteer at some place where you can get a return of personal self-satisfaction - helping someone, whatever, anything. i am not advocating engaging in distractions in order to avoid coming to terms with a reality, but based upon personal experience all i am saying is - the less time you give yourself to think about it, and the more exhausted you make yourself through other pursuits, then perhaps the less time you spend surrounded by depressed thoughts and worrying about a situation in which you have no control left. Don't close yourself up either... talk about how you feel with someone you trust. Have someone with whom you can vent, scream, cry, whatever. i think that's extremely extremely important.

Take care of yourself

[ophiolites]

clarification plz note....

this unfortunate event has not occured to me but to a close relative.

me unmarried male student.

however it's lovely to have advises from u guys.

becuz it all happened so unexpectedly i was in real chock, now i have prayed for her alot and am feeling alot better

thanx alot guys