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Am i a bad mother???

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    Am i a bad mother???

    So I have a 21 month old daughter who’s turning 2 in November inshAllah. I’m also expecting my second baby in October. My first born had been such an angel until about she was 15 months old.

    I’m a stay-at-home mom and I’ve come to live with my parents for the upcoming delivery. Recently, I have been experiencing increased stress and frustration due to my 21 month old throwing tantrums and generally doing emotional blackmail. I spend pretty much all my time tending to her needs all day long. I mean from feeding, to changing, to entertaining – she is not ignored. But that also doesn’t mean that I spoil her. What’s frustrating though is that she constantly blackmails to get what she wants or throws a tantrum and refuses to form a serious attachment with anyone else. Her father is obviously not here ever since I have come over to my parents house and she hadn’t seen her Nano and Khala etc since she was 3 months old.

    But I was still hoping that she would get attached to her Nano and khala so that when the new baby arrives I don’t have to worry about the first born as much. But as much as Nano and Khala try, she just emotionally blackmails them and still depends on me to fulfill her demands. She won’t let them feed her, put her to sleep, or any other stuff.

    What’s most tiring and frustrating in this whole situation is her constant need for entertainment. I mean she’s just NOT one of those kids who play with their toys or play on their own. I have to accompany her in EVERY activity – whether it’s watching Youtube videos, playing outdoors, playing with her doll, going out for a walk, or anything else. And recently she has really started acting out and throwing tantrums.

    Just this morning, we woke up, I changed her, put on videos for her while I fed her breakfast. Then she watched her videos on my laptop as I Skyped with her dad. After this I took her out to the backyard so she could have some hands-on fun with water as we washed her car and toys and just splashed around. Then we came back inside and we ate lunch together while watching Bulbulay on Youtube. But even after she had had play-time, watched videos, eaten, she still starting throwing tantrums. I brought her upstairs for nap-time but she was still misbehaving and acting out and trying to hit me. Took a good 30mins to put her down for a nap while Nano tried to neutralize the situation because I had just about had enough.

    On a positive note, I have recently succeeded in potty training her (for #2) and have shifted her to a crib so that she no longer sleeps in my arms.
    But I just don’t know how much longer I can handle her constant need for attention with the new baby coming shortly. I’ve barely gotten any shopping done for the new baby cause it’s just so stressful going out with her.
    So I guess what I want to know is: is it normal for kids her age to frequent tantrums and consistently blackmail you? Even though all their needs are being met like food and sleep and entertainment..?

    Please help – she is NOT making these last few months of pregnancy easy on me at all.

    #2
    Yes it is normal for kids her age to frequent tantrums and consistently blackmail you. Don't be too hard on her and even on yourself. All you need to do is to slowly and gradually start saying no to her, and once you say no, it will be a match of persistency between your and her. So far she is winning that game and enjoying it. It's not her fault that you are letting her win by giving up. It's not your fault either. This is not the situation to look for who is wrong, it's parenting and its tough.
    People are afraid of what they don't understand

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Am i a bad mother???

      Thank you for responding. I know parenting is supposed to be tough but so far it had mainly consisted of physical rather than mental exertion. I try to remain calm; but sometimes I just get so sick of it all. Perhaps its because I don't get any breaks other than her single nap.

      Comment


        #4
        I totally understand your frustration, but unfortunately your little one can't. For her you are the same mommy that you were six months ago. We all love our kids to calm down when we are tired, but they can't tell a difference between a good time and bad time to be demanding.she did not injure that you are pregnant and you need rest. Don't expect that from her. It's unfair to her. Second thing is that for her, no one can be like her mommy, so as frustrating as it may sound, her not going to her khala or nano is her expression of loyalty to you.
        People are afraid of what they don't understand

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          #5
          Re: Am i a bad mother???

          I love the term "expression of her loyalty to you".

          I needed to read the above. Thanks TLK. Been having a very tough time with my baby.
          I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

          Comment


            #6
            Demi, jabhi tou aap logon ke qadmon ke neeche jannat hai,, because of all the tough times moms go through.

            About the loyalty statement; when I look at babies, they remind me of dogs. You know how unconditional loyalties dogs have to their owners, babies have same to their mothers. No matter how many times you yell at them or even spank them, as soon as you open your arms, they run to you in your arms. No ego, no anger, no attitude, just pure love and need of attention. How sweet is that.
            People are afraid of what they don't understand

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Am i a bad mother???

              ^ I am seriously noting your words into my phone to look at every now and then because I am having the most difficult time. So much so that my own mom asked me yesterday "How do you keep smiling at him when he does this 24 hours a day? I would have hit him by now or hit myself"

              What he "does" is expect my attention for playtime all the time and just to be a baby about it all. He is a ball of energy, not one of those cool and calm snoozy babies. Happy baby, social baby, crazy energetic baby. And I am tired now. But I try not to stop smiling...
              I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

              Comment


                #8
                Demesne is noting down my words!

                Qyaamat qareeb hai bhaiyon
                People are afraid of what they don't understand

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Am i a bad mother???

                  ^ He has worn me out. I have no energy to spar with you OJ
                  I'm sarcastic because it is the body's natural defense against stupid.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Omg my baby girl is EXACTLY the same. Demanding my attention 24/7, very energetic and extremely active. I don't mind it for the most part but just need a break sometime which is when I hate that shes so clingy and doesn't attach to Nano or Khala.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Am i a bad mother???

                      It is probably separation anxiety + new environment. It is very common once children cross the six month stage. I use to just lay down on the carpet and let my son play around me. That was the only way I got a break until hubby got home. Kids who are high energy need an outlet to release that energy. At six months, I use my son's jumper. I would put him in the jumper and play with him, read to him, sing to him. when he started crawling, he lost interest in jumper and wanted to crawl. We child proofed the apartment, had lot of open space for him to crawl. It would tire him out. Once he started walking, then involving him in activities that require walking. I also reduced his afternoon nap time to make sure he is sleeping around 8pm. It is lot of hard work and there is no easy way out.
                      May Allah bring peace in Pakistan. Ameen
                      Aray Logo Tumhara Kiya
                      Main Jano Mera, Mera Khuda janay-

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Am i a bad mother???

                        i am having flu for the last two days. this time it`s really bad with high fever and throat pain and body ache. so i could not even move from my bed yesturday. and baby was with his dad almost half of the day. in the evening my husband said to me ,"we shud get a nanny or help for him , he wants to play all day". I told him, this happens to me all the time

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Am i a bad mother???

                          Look into infant/toddler programs as well.
                          May Allah bring peace in Pakistan. Ameen
                          Aray Logo Tumhara Kiya
                          Main Jano Mera, Mera Khuda janay-

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