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    #16
    Re: When should disciplining start?

    Personally, I don't think an occasional spank does any harm...especially if it's on the behind. I would be a little careful of hitting on the face as it really hurts their developing self esteem. But if we as parents get into talking it out and controlling our anger, we may not need to hit a kid at all. Usually it's a display of our anger over something that could be sorted out just by talking.
    Don't be hurtin' and hatin' cuz my phone is so cool!

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      #17
      Originally posted by Colourful eyes View Post
      Discipline shoulds start from birth, e.g. When the newborn baby cry's in the cot, and the Mum let's the baby cry(so baby get's used to not always being picked up), Other wise the baby will know how to get mummies attention by "crying for everything"
      Originally posted by hareem01 View Post
      That's harsh.
      Discipline should start from age 7 but stilling morals and all from birth.
      Hareem The child psychologist preach what CE is saying.
      I have a heart wrenching story about it.
      My daughter used to cry a lot in the night. Her mama is hard of hearing so I would wake up first and then wake her up to go and take care of the baby but being a working man I needed 8 hours sleep I was looking for some solution for this problem.
      Then I heard this child specialist on the radio saying the same thing CE said and then I discussed with my co worker who had a child of same age as my daughter. He told me that is what they did and now their kid sleeps through the night.
      So I told my wife to not go and look at my daughter when she cries that night . our daughter used to sleep in a crib and in her own room. She was little so she could not climb the crib but she was at an age where she crawling and could stand.
      She was crying so hard and so much that I closed the door to her bed room . A few minutes later I heard her crying near the door of her bed room so I ran to see and she was standing by the door and crying. So I picked her up and then told her mama may be she is sick , so she also agreed and checked her and we found out that she had measles that is why she was so miserable that night and I am sure that she some how because of her pain climbed up the crib and fell down, luckily , we had very good plush carpet in her room. So she was fine and did not get head injury or break her neck.
      She is eight now . But I feel guilty to this day because of that incident. I love her to death , if she is uncomfortable for any reason I get very miserable.
      Fools never disagree.

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        #18
        Re: When should disciplining start?

        Mirch, my kids peds told me at one of her early well visits...I think 6 month visit, that a lot of parents are going by the book. Don't forget to hold your child and hug her. Comfort and security are the most important needs of a child. So yes, while sometimes kids just cry for attention, at other times all they need is some TLC.
        Don't be hurtin' and hatin' cuz my phone is so cool!

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          #19
          Re: When should disciplining start?

          My elder daughter would not sleep through the night until she was 3!

          When she was 18 months - As a full time working mom and with another one on the way I had it. One day I said "Enough" - I am going to let he cry it out the whole night.

          I couldn't do it. After 10 minutes I sat infront of her door and started sobbing. i thought Allah is going to punish me for this. I went in and with age she was fine.

          I believe in discipling kids but with age you'll see that they will grow out of things on their own (it usually true for kids ages 1-4)
          A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

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            #20
            Re: When should disciplining start?

            I know there is no such thing as being fully prepared to have children but when I do I want to have some idea as to what to do. Everyone has their own version of discipline and IMHO a light swat on the bottom doesnt hurt. Beating a child is another story. My mom says discipline needs to start early because by the time kids reach school age they need to know what is unacceptable behavior - for the most part.
            Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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              #21
              Re: When should disciplining start?

              P2red, youre absolutely right....no way can you start at age 7. Kids are 5 when they start kindergarten and they are expected to be able to follow direction, routine and proper behavior. I also beleive that a "diaper swat" can do more good than harm - one of my 3 is strong willed to the extreme and this is the only thing that worked. It only took once or twice- after that, we were able to reinforce with timeout or taking toy/privelege away but if we didnt use this tactic, we'd still be really struggling with him.

              Then...we have a moroccan family in our school district, they have a son who is in my middle son's class. The mom and dad are kind of new to the country, speak english but have very different outlook than the majority of the parents here...I guess they conform to the "no discipline till age 7 rule". ANYway, the kid is outta control, gets sent to the principals office often, has been sent home occasionally and is generally a huge disruption to his classroom.

              You dont need to beat the heck outta them, you need to teach them. They need structure, they need to learn that negative action causes negative consequences (no, not a beating but perhaps a timeout or no favorite tv show today), and they need to learn these things from the time they can walk.

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                #22
                Re: When should disciplining start?

                the best way to teach children Dicipline is by parents talking to them, if they have done something wrong, the parents need's to talk to them and tell them what they did is wrong and why. The younger this is done the better.....

                be loving, But firm at the same time....

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                  #23
                  Originally posted by Mamaof3 View Post
                  P2red, youre absolutely right....no way can you start at age 7. Kids are 5 when they start kindergarten and they are expected to be able to follow direction, routine and proper behavior. I also beleive that a "diaper swat" can do more good than harm - one of my 3 is strong willed to the extreme and this is the only thing that worked. It only took once or twice- after that, we were able to reinforce with timeout or taking toy/privelege away but if we didnt use this tactic, we'd still be really struggling with him.

                  Then...we have a moroccan family in our school district, they have a son who is in my middle son's class. The mom and dad are kind of new to the country, speak english but have very different outlook than the majority of the parents here...I guess they conform to the "no discipline till age 7 rule". ANYway, the kid is outta control, gets sent to the principals office often, has been sent home occasionally and is generally a huge disruption to his classroom.

                  You dont need to beat the heck outta them, you need to teach them. They need structure, they need to learn that negative action causes negative consequences (no, not a beating but perhaps a timeout or no favorite tv show today), and they need to learn these things from the time they can walk.
                  blah blah blah........

                  Too many assumptions here, seriously. Just because those parents wear different clothes to you and to others, you've started assuming that they must be following the rule of no disciplining until 7.

                  Giving love until the age of 7 means, showing no anger to kids nor beating them nor forcing them to do anything but directing them towards it with what amuses their mind, in kindergartens there should be lots of unstructured play for children rather than forcing them not to sit, stand, speak, wee until they're told.
                  And this is what most schools do in Europe [unstructured play until they're seven] except Britain and those kids are much better at learning and behaving than others. Britain is following a totally different rule may be following USA by taking exams from 6 years old.

                  And that boy in your son's class, probably he doesn't get enough love from his parents, probably he doesn't want to go to schoool, probably he's bored, probably he's being bullied and being mocked by other kids in his class because he's different from them, probably he's finding it hard to settle down in new country among new people........there's so many factors you can think of.
                  Last edited by hareem01; Dec 11, 2008, 04:04 AM.
                  I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.

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                    #24
                    Originally posted by Mirch View Post
                    Hareem The child psychologist preach what CE is saying.
                    I have a heart wrenching story about it.
                    My daughter used to cry a lot in the night. Her mama is hard of hearing so I would wake up first and then wake her up to go and take care of the baby but being a working man I needed 8 hours sleep I was looking for some solution for this problem.
                    Then I heard this child specialist on the radio saying the same thing CE said and then I discussed with my co worker who had a child of same age as my daughter. He told me that is what they did and now their kid sleeps through the night.
                    So I told my wife to not go and look at my daughter when she cries that night . our daughter used to sleep in a crib and in her own room. She was little so she could not climb the crib but she was at an age where she crawling and could stand.
                    She was crying so hard and so much that I closed the door to her bed room . A few minutes later I heard her crying near the door of her bed room so I ran to see and she was standing by the door and crying. So I picked her up and then told her mama may be she is sick , so she also agreed and checked her and we found out that she had measles that is why she was so miserable that night and I am sure that she some how because of her pain climbed up the crib and fell down, luckily , we had very good plush carpet in her room. So she was fine and did not get head injury or break her neck.
                    She is eight now . But I feel guilty to this day because of that incident. I love her to death , if she is uncomfortable for any reason I get very miserable.
                    I would allow my kids to share my bed if they want to until they're seven.....3 of them sleep with me while my hubby in different bedroom, my son age 4 has now started to ask for his own bed now and i'll get him one..........but never ever I let them feel insecure or deprived of love and attention, no not until the age of 7.
                    I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by hareem01 View Post
                      blah blah blah........

                      Too many assumptions here, seriously. Just because those parents wear different clothes to you and to others, you've started assuming that they must be following the rule of no disciplining until 7.

                      Giving love until the age of 7 means, showing no anger to kids nor beating them nor forcing them to do anything but directing them towards it with what amuses their mind, in kindergartens there should be lots of unstructured play for children rather than forcing them not to sit, stand, speak, wee until they're told.
                      And this is what most schools do in Europe [unstructured play until they're seven] except Britain and those kids are much better at learning and behaving than others. Britain is following a totally different rule may be following USA by taking exams from 6 years old.

                      And that boy in your son's class, probably he doesn't get enough love from his parents, probably he doesn't want to go to schoool, probably he's bored, probably he's being bullied and being mocked by other kids in his class because he's different from them, probably he's finding it hard to settle down in new country among new people........there's so many factors you can think of.
                      First, when I said that the family is "kind of" new to the country, that means they've been here a few years. Their son was too young to remember the country in which he was born. The parents do not wear different clothes, they look just like any other parent at school. I spoke with them a few times while waiting for school to get out, otherwise I'd not know these extra details.

                      The boy did not get bullied, he actually was a bully himself - which is the reason for him getting sent home a few times. Our school district has a "zero tolerance" policy about bulllying.

                      Perhaps he doesnt get enough love at home but the mother appeared to be a very loving mom the times I saw her at school. Couldnt read the father. I did overhear the teacher talking to them one time telling them that he needs to learn structure, needs to learn respect and how to listen. My son told me the types of things that the boy would do - stand on top of tables and throw toys, take a paint-loaded paintbrush and paint other kids clothes or faces (this actually happened to my son twice), take toys away from other kids during free time. All kids can do naughty things from time to time. But when told to stop, this kid would defiantly answer "no".

                      So....who is making assumptions here?

                      The only assumption I made here IMHO is that he gets insufficient structure and discipline at home, because thats how it looks to me. And I think its a pretty fair assumption. Structure is actually a form of discipline. And I imagine that a child without either structure or discipline would be just like that boy. Anyway, thats why I thought the parents may be following the "7 year" rule because otherwise why would they let their kid behave this way.

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                        #26
                        Re: When should disciplining start?

                        What is Disicpline to pakistani people, coz im a bit confused on why u would only teach children dicipline at the age of 7?

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by Mirch View Post
                          Hareem The child psychologist preach what CE is saying.
                          I have a heart wrenching story about it.
                          My daughter used to cry a lot in the night. Her mama is hard of hearing so I would wake up first and then wake her up to go and take care of the baby but being a working man I needed 8 hours sleep I was looking for some solution for this problem.
                          Then I heard this child specialist on the radio saying the same thing CE said and then I discussed with my co worker who had a child of same age as my daughter. He told me that is what they did and now their kid sleeps through the night.
                          So I told my wife to not go and look at my daughter when she cries that night . our daughter used to sleep in a crib and in her own room. She was little so she could not climb the crib but she was at an age where she crawling and could stand.
                          She was crying so hard and so much that I closed the door to her bed room . A few minutes later I heard her crying near the door of her bed room so I ran to see and she was standing by the door and crying. So I picked her up and then told her mama may be she is sick , so she also agreed and checked her and we found out that she had measles that is why she was so miserable that night and I am sure that she some how because of her pain climbed up the crib and fell down, luckily , we had very good plush carpet in her room. So she was fine and did not get head injury or break her neck.
                          She is eight now . But I feel guilty to this day because of that incident. I love her to death , if she is uncomfortable for any reason I get very miserable.

                          Mirch how old was ur daughter, when she got the measles?

                          My point is if you tech children Dicipline from a young age, ur child will know and understand boundaries, what is/not acceptable.....

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                            #28
                            Re: When should disciplining start?

                            "What is Disicpline to pakistani people, coz im a bit confused on why u would only teach children dicipline at the age of 7?"


                            I think there can be confusion over this....

                            the parents that I spoke of from my son's class, they (appeared to) take it literally that there should be no discipline till age 7....

                            Hareem, I think, disciplines her children since it sounds like they are well-behaved and well adjusted (sorry to make even more assumptions lol!) But any time a parent teaches a child not to do a certain thing or to do a certain thing at a certain time...thats discipline (IMHO).

                            There are different ways to discipline - structuring their lives. Using time-outs. Spanking. And each parent disciplines in their own way.

                            I have a feeling that some desis take the word discipline to mean beating.

                            Ok, now I;m making lots of assumptions lol!

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                              #29
                              Re: When should disciplining start?

                              ^Spanking or beating whatever................not before the age of 7 or may be 10.

                              And this is coming from Islamic perspective not Pakistani or American.
                              I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.

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                                #30
                                Re: When should disciplining start?

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