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    Few Jokes

    ------------------------------------

    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."


    --------------------------------------------

    For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Here is a guide to the point system.

    Simple Duties:

    You make the bed..+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
    You leave the toilet seat up..-5
    You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
    You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
    When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
    You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
    But return with beer ..-5
    You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
    You pummel it with a six iron..+10
    It's her father..-10

    Social Engagements:

    You stay by her side the entire party..0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
    Named Tiffany..-4
    Tiffany is a dancer..-6
    Tiffany has implants..-8

    Her Birthday:

    You take her out to dinner..0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

    A Night Out With The Boys:

    Go out with a pal ..-5
    And the pal is happily married ..-4
    Or frighteningly single ..-7
    And he drives a Mustang..-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15

    A Night Out:

    You take her to a movie..+2
    You take her to a movie she likes..+4
    You take her to a movie you hate..+6
    You take her to a movie you like..-2
    It's called Death Cop 3..-3
    Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

    Your Physique:

    You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
    You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

    The Big Question:

    She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
    You hesitate in responding..-10
    You reply, "Where?"..-35

    Communication:

    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
    When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
    She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20

    -----------------------------

    I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

    -------------------------------------------------

    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
    Last edited by JonyBr; Jun 4, 2005, 03:49 AM.
    Zindagi key safar mein guzzar jatey hein ju muqaam
    wo phir nahien aatey! wo phir nahien aatey!

    #2
    Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

    good work chap!
    i like it
    10% of your life is what happens to you...
    ...90% of life is how you react to it !

    Comment


      #3
      Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

      Entry of the week!!!!....
      I am empowered to Do WHAT makes THE MOST mess!!!!

      Comment


        #4
        Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

        Originally posted by chodhry
        What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
        A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

        --------------------------------------------
        For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

        Here is a guide to the point system.

        Simple Duties:

        You make the bed..+1
        You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
        You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
        You leave the toilet seat up..-5
        You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
        You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
        When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
        When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
        You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
        But return with beer ..-5
        You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
        You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
        You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
        You pummel it with a six iron..+10
        It's her father..-10

        Social Engagements:

        You stay by her side the entire party..0
        You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
        Named Tiffany..-4
        Tiffany is a dancer..-6
        Tiffany has implants..-8

        Her Birthday:

        You take her out to dinner..0
        You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
        Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
        And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
        It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

        A Night Out With The Boys:

        Go out with a pal ..-5
        And the pal is happily married ..-4
        Or frighteningly single ..-7
        And he drives a Mustang..-10
        With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15

        A Night Out:

        You take her to a movie..+2
        You take her to a movie she likes..+4
        You take her to a movie you hate..+6
        You take her to a movie you like..-2
        It's called Death Cop 3..-3
        Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
        You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

        Your Physique:

        You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
        You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
        You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
        You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

        The Big Question:

        She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
        You hesitate in responding..-10
        You reply, "Where?"..-35

        Communication:

        When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
        When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
        You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
        She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20

        -----------------------------

        I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

        -------------------------------------------------

        UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

        I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
        Excellent contributions!!!

        Comment


          #5
          Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

          "having her period" and terrorist? why?
          Wonder this time where she's gone,wonder if she's gone to stay
          Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,and this house just ain't no home
          anytime she goes away.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

            haha great..


            I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

            Comment


              #7
              Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

              very good
              Mill ke sab matam-e-shabbir karo..

              Comment


                #8
                Re: What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Few Jokes

                  ~*~Pakistan hamari jaan, sabse pehley Pakistan~*~

                  Comment

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