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Dear Girls

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    Dear Girls

    Dear Girls,

    For too long, we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more! The man fights back! Tell your friends, the 90s man is dead…..long live the man of the new millennium. Listen up ladies – this is how it really is:

    1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer. Just get your arse down to the gym.

    2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, just put the bloody thing down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us moaning about you leaving it down.

    3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons men fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.

    4. Birthdays, valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present…again.

    5. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.

    6. Saturday = sport/pub. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    7. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    8. Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!

    9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

    10. Face it: peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

    11. Most blokes own 2 to 3 pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with that particular dress?

    12. ‘Yes’, ‘No’, ‘Mmm’ are perfectly acceptable answers.

    13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    14. Your mum doesn’t have to be our best friend.

    15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

    16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

    17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    18. It’s not the dress that makes you look too fat. It’s all that bloody chocolate you eat.

    19. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

    20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

    21. If something we said could be intended 2 ways, and 1 of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

    22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway – it’s genetic. If we don’t look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

    23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.

    24. When we are in bed and look tired, this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

    25. If you want some dessert after a meal – have some. You don’t have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like, but don’t say “no, couldn’t/shouldn’t/don’t want any” and then eat half of mine.

    26. Dieting doesn’t work without exercise.

    27. If you’re on a diet, it doesn’t mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

    28. A man’s 4 essential food groups are: white meat/red meat/good wine/good beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities – everything else falls under the category “garnish”.

    29. Do not question our sense of direction. If you can learn this, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    30. Crying is emotional blackmail.

    31. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

    32. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    I am only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

    #2
    heard em but what the heck..........


    I am empowered to Do WHAT makes THE MOST mess!!!!

    Comment


      #3
      Old but funny nevertheless!

      Comment


        #4



        mein print kerwa ker hifz ker leta hoon sab ko boloon ga

        While rest of the world was busy mating I was Moderating Cafe and lost my jawani.

        Comment

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