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Vive le france...

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    Vive le france...

    Now with all the french browbeating...someone sent this to me in the mail...

    For our French friends

    The Complete Military History of France

    Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next
    2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an

    Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
    schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French

    Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a

    Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

    Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

    War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red
    flowerpots as chapeaux.

    The Dutch War - Tied

    War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian
    War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

    War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the
    Frenchtheir first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every

    American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar
    to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare:
    "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

    French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

    The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the
    First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match or a British footwear designer.

    The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

    World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by
    the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like
    to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

    World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United
    States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

    War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to
    bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

    Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
    western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and
    produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the

    This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians,
    Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

    War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslim fundamentalists just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

    The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

    Q. Why are the streets of Paris tree-lined?

    A. So the Germans can march in the shade.

    CH, Inbox or Junk mail?
    I'm cold seed, I'm your sweetest leaf
    I'll ease your mind, I'll set you free


      Came from an english firend of mine. Good to see they hold them in the same regard as we do. LOL!


        Chaltahai is brain-washed by Bill O'Reilley of FOX. Up until yesterday, he had nothing against the French but today he forgot how the French helped America gain it's indepence from the muffuka English. Remember Lafayette?


          Aray Funguy..yaar learning french from Pepe Le Pew Cartoons does not make you a frog's genetic!


            awwe, lemme give you a frenchie


              Originally posted by Chaltahai:
              Aray Funguy..yaar learning french from Pepe Le Pew Cartoons does not make you a frog's genetic!

              Originally posted by funguy:
              awwe, lemme give you a frenchie

              mano maja aa raha hai , tusi lagay raho ...yeh eak meri taraf se


                Sardar jee, your time is up... if you want more, please add some quarters.


                  Brother Chaltahai, I just realized how similar French are to Indians.


                    Yes Channji, you are right. Indians wish they were french. Indins are the worst....they are dark, skinny, smelly people unlike the white people across the border.


                      You know what they say, the French are lovers not fighters. The french kiss was invented in one of those wars.
                      Last edited by God : April 21st, 1987 at 09:23 PM.


                        If the french kiss was invented in a war, then it is safe to say it was developed between two soldiers. Now, I don't think there used to be any women soldiers in those days. So, whatdaya say?. ?


                          Originally posted by Chaltahai:
                          Yes Channji, you are right. Indians wish they were french. Indins are the worst....they are dark, skinny, smelly people unlike the white people across the border.
                          So defensive about India. Why are you so insecure about India? You start crying so quickly when someone says anything even remotely negative about India.