need advice

[Bharysh]

i'm writing a sympathy note in a card for a very sad/tragic occassion. this is for the mother who lost her son, a young man. i'm searching for something appropriate to say, because this is a tough situation to deal with. if anyone can lend a few thoughts so i can piece something together, i would greatly appreciate it.

(in english only please)

thanx.

[Sadi Sobi]

Bharysh, shouldn't it be personal? If it doesn't come from *your* heart, then what's the use of sending it?

[Faisal]

Sorry to hear about it. Typically a condolence letter includes some personal experiences or mention of the deceased. You might wanna check this out for some tips.

If you intend to put some poetry in your message, then the following two are taken from an e-card website.

When somebody dies, a cloud turns into
an angel, and flies up to tell God
to put another flower on a pillow.
A bird gives the message back to
the world, and sings a silent prayer
that makes the rain cry. People dis-
appear, but they never really go away.
The spirits up there put the sun to
bed, wake up grass, and spin the
earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you
can see them dancing in a cloud during
the day-time, when they're supposed
to be sleeping. They paint the rain-
bows and also the sunsets and make
waves splash and tug at the tide.
They toss shooting stars and listen to
wishes. And when they sing wind-
songs, they whisper to us, don't
miss me too much. The view is nice
and I'm doing just fine.

When trouble comes, we often say,
"Why did this have to be?"
But blessings come in many ways
that sometimes we can't see.

Everything that happens
is part of God's eternal plan.
Today what seems a mystery
in time we'll understand.

Remember prayers are with you
to give you strength today.
Call on those of us who love you
to share with you along the way.

Or short and to the point

Memories keep the one you loved
close to you in spirit and thought
and always in your heart,
today and forever.


Thinking of you
with sympathy

[Praetextatus]

SS sometimes, the words from the heart can t be made up, but one still wants to say something to make the other one feel better.

[Sadi Sobi]

I guess it depends on the individual. I'd prefer a sincere 'I'm sorry' to an insincere poem/note, that's been written by some1 else.

But that's just me and I’m a freak.

[Bharysh]

thank you for the replies.

ss- i know what u mean and i've racked my brain trying to think of something to say...but its such a terrible thing to lose a child that one is at a loss for words. that's the sentiment i am trying to get across....

i'm still open for more replies.

[abc1234]

Bharysh...

thats very very sad news....

inna lillahae wa inna ilaihae rajayoon

my cousin passed away when he was young...in his mid twenties... and i saw what his parents went through....Allah kisi ko bhee aisa gham na de....

if you can visit her or even call her regularly then the card is not important...but if u have to send the card...just say that it was Allah's will...all human beings are powerless in front of His will....He calls back those dearer to Him earlier....You will pray for her son's departed soul....He was a very good man and in his short life he had brought so much happiness and beauty to everyone's lives...He will never be forgotten and Allah will take care of him, Allah loves his creatures more than anyone else so he is being taken care of....And tell her you are like her daughter and will be there for her always...and ask her to take care of herself....

the thoughts expressed in Faisal bhai's poems are also appropriate...

*sigh* Allah ki azmaishen kabhee bhee kisi par bhee aa sakti haen...

[HSK]

Look in ur paper's OBITUARY section if you want to rip off messages. But, if you want it to be personal...think of something yourself.

[Nadia_H]

i am sorry to hear this, Bharysh.
What i was going to suggest is what one Guppy has already suggested - include some mention of memories of the deceased. Like for example, if you have some instance of a particular time when, hypothetical situation, suppose the son helped you or your family out with something; you could share that in your note and express how much that meant to you at that time and how at that time you truly appreciated his generosity. Better example might be a shared memory between the mother and the son - something that reflects on the son's personality that the mother can think of and feel a little bit of happiness in such a moment of inexpressible grief.

i like Irem's suggestion too. If you think it is appropriate to do so (if the mother is a Muslim), one ayat from the Quran might help - ...verily, with every difficulty, there is relief / Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. (94.5-6). Verses 155-157 from Surah Baqarah might be helpful to the mother during this difficult time.

Just some friendly advice - most of all, let her know you are there for her. Let her know that NO words will manifestly compensate for the loss of her son, but that she will be in your prayers and you hope that she will not hesitate to ask you for help for anything should the need arise.

Last bit of advice Trust yourself, i know you can write a meaningful letter. There's an Arab saying - what comes from the heart, goes to the heart. It is a very difficult thing to empathize with someone who is going through so much turmoil, but Insha'Allah your letter will offer her a little bit of help.

[Dilsay]

Dont feel alone i am here..........

[Bharysh]

thanx all. i got some useful suggestions. i ended up creating something i hope gives off the right sentiment.