Why do ABCDs feel inadequate?

[kashmirigirl]

My belief is…We as abcd’s are considered not as educated, good looking or open-minded as gorah. We are not as cultured, religious or sophisticated as the Pakistanis.

It is a no win situation.
How can we ever compete?

I brought something similar to this up on Ragistan (not an ad for them ) and got some interesting replies, so I wanted to see what discussion would happen here.
I also was surprised by how defensive many abcds get when anti western/abcd material is posted……what are we trying to prove?
That we are good enough?
That we can be everything?

[ak]

Different versions of this topic come up on this forum once in a while. Please don't generalize all ABCDs.

Most ABCDs are more educated that average Gorah. Go ahead and ask average gorah who the speaker of the house is?? Too difficult for gorah.....OK how about where Kosovo. I'm not anti-gorah. I have more gorah friends than Desi. We are more educated.

Open-minded..depends on your definition...please clarify....

As for looks...well that is a different story....true...I haven't seen a Desi version of Pam Anderson....hmmmmm......no I was right I haven't. As for good looking men I have been carring my weight in that department . hahahahaha

Ooops....was I too defensive.

[Dilwale]

Hi Kash, Who care what other think of us. Frankly I am quite satisfied my accomplishment and don't feel like competing with anyone. Just be proud of what you doing and hell with the society, culture and etc.

T.T.F.N

P.S. How's occ world treating you?

[SSultan]

Hi I am not ABCD etc. but do wanna share that forget the qualifications most of the Americans do not even know why do they celebrate the 4th of July?
My friend was telling me I am going to Mexico in the vacations of independece day and I asked him From who you got indepenedence and he was like blank and then he goes I think form Indians, Man I was laughing and still do.
ABCD people carry on...

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[Sultan]

[Jack Handy]

ABCD's come in all shapes and sizes.... from ulta-conservatives to moderates to the disco/alcohol/dating ok type western neophytes.....


IN general ( but not necesarily) the Westernized ABCD's are too concerned with blending in and as a consequence there is chaos in the family household ( assuming parents are moderately conservative)... but
they donot give much credence to family or religious values....

The ultra consercatives live in their cocoon, where there is consistency in family values and a certain isolation from western ideals...

The moderates are where the confusion lies...
the hang on to the religious values but are also attracted to the free-wheeling western lifestyle..... and each defines perfections according to their degree of westerness.. - to individualistic to conform to eastern traditions and too conservative to embrace the west entirely...


I genberal the problems with ABCD's is not that they are not well educated - they are usually extremely well educated and very often quite successful in society,......

Its how they come across - lacking pakistani cultural sophistication they often come across as blunt and crass because of their demeanor and the ability to speak their mind. ( a no-no in pakistani circles).

The problems with ABCDs is not that they arer not accomplished but that they fall in the gray area between Pakistani and AMreeki and with varying shades of gray... so finding the right shade of gray as a potential partner is almost impossible to find, that combined with their intractible assertivness ( stubborness)
make them unsuitable partners with desis or americans.. so finding the right shade of grey becomes a search for the holy grail......

[Stud]

Lets stop the American Bashing. Its so typical of insecure Desis to do so.
I wonder how an illiterate White person can possibly contribute to Desi Self Esteem?

On the risk of angering some of you I will state that I as a FOB do have reservations about ABCD's. I think they lack the refinement required in an Eastern Culture.

I do not like the way ABCD girls wear Kurta Shalwar. They just can't carry it well. Also I don't like the way they speak to their elders. Its too harsh and sometimes crude.

The great thing about ABCD's Is that they are a breath of fresh air in to our community. They bring with them new ideas and dynamism. I like the way they resent the strong class system in Pakistan.
I find their relegious convictions very impressive as well. I think the ABCD's have an intense desire to rediscover Islam and Islam Alone. They are free from the Mixed version of Islam we recieved in Karachi.
I like the ABCD work ethic. I think that too is strong. It is not uncommon to meet a girl who has worked since she was sixteen.
In Karachi I never met a girl who had worked a day in her life during her teens!

I also disagree with the prevailing perspective that ABCD girls are more permissive than the Paki girls.
I think strong values reside on both sides of the fence.

Would I marry an ABCD? Never. The differences are too many and I would find my self incompatible in a relationship.


Stud

[farhan1]

I think that because of the cultural issues ABCDs at some point in time have to isolate themselves from the Americans. I feel this is by choice . Some who don't do it get isolated form the ABCDs themselves. Gora don't accpet them also . This is what I have felt here and seen the ABCDs . My opinoin may be a little bias as Iam not an ABCD. But i feel that Gora don't want to mix with ABCD . This is what a lot of gora have told me.

[ghalib]

hmmmm...i'll build a campfire for now... will jump in at the right time...

[kashmirigirl]

Ok ok…complain away…smile
I think the argument worked better when I made it "why do abcd girls feel inadequate" There seems to be 2 modes of thought, either we don’t care and we are better then the foreign dessi or we can never match up, so give up now (or try really hard ). It is difficult for people to understand that both have positives and negatives and neither is better…..it is a personal thing.

But as we've read above...people slam both ways. What we also must do as fobs or abcds is understand when people say we dislike/like something...that is a personal opinion..not facts.

Farhan1
In my experience….you mix in any company gorah, dessi, abcd, black, chini etc…if you are willing to interact and approachable. Now why some people may choose to be unapproachable may be different…but totally appropriate for their thinking and their view of the situation.


Dilwale
I don’t care what they think….but for most abcds there is a period of trying to identify who you are and what you believe in. It is then the conflict between choosing west or east exists.

p.s.
OT is treating me well…but the market went kaput in the mid-west…PPS.. really hit hard…how is it in Cali?
I know I asked you this before but are you sure things will come around? I looking into masters programs as it is…not sure in what but I might want to change careers someday (10 years down the road) and it’s never to early to start looking. So any advice?

[shezi]

hi! poeple

WELL SAID 'STUD'
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT YOU ARE THE MAN
I AGREE WITH YOU AND DO N'T FEEL LIKE SAYING ANY THING MORE .

[Salman]

What do u mean we feel inadequate? WE MADE IT TO AMERICA. WHILE THOSE IDIOTS IN PAKISTAN ARE IN MED SCHOOL WE'RE IN AMERICA IN COMPUTERS AND MAKING BIG MONEY.

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RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT
THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS